Toeing No Lines Whatsoever - Rather, Really Letting Ourselves Go

After being exposed to some gentle ribbing, in our last post, on the subject of her atrocious taste in music, Shewee Fiend Friend had many things to say. To refresh our possibly collective memory, here's what we said:

Since Rampant Rat-Hunting Friend absolutely will not approve of any music we might choose, ever - being, on this point, as rabid as Shewee Fiend Friend - it is utterly irrelevant which Festive Video we choose for this post.

Also, we know for a fact that this blog is read by a total of seven people, one of whom is Our Mum, and none of whom ever watch the Festive Videos. Thus it matters not one jot whether we also link to this version of this Festive Video, and also this fantastic version.

The things Shewee Fiend Friend had to say in response were, in chronological order:

Just to spite you I listened to the first twenty seconds of the second version of that festive video

It was interesting to watch the spandex aerobics dancers until the singing started, then I couldn’t take it anymore

But I’m really glad to hear I’m not the only one who lets you know your taste in music is abysmal

Really just abysmal

[...]

Also I’ve just watched the third version of that video

Well I listened to around twenty seconds again. I had forgotten how bad it was so I had to turn it off pretty soon

It was also awful

Where do you even find these things? How have you heard of this terrible person

 These are interesting questions which will, we are certain, spark further research and lead to many fruitful debates!

Jonny, meanwhile, has been devastatingly handsome in several toilets. Let's go through them systematically, in a scientific fashion.

 

Jonny writes:

Went into the office today and I was the only one there

Which is a shame because I look really fit today

Here's a pic of me by our unisex toilets

(We have 3 men's and 1 unisex)

 Indeed, why should the women have their own toilet? It's not like they're people. However that may be, however, we absolutely agree that Jonny looks fit in front of this unisex toilet, and congratulate his employer on hiring such a dishy toilet enthusiast!

 

Jonny: Dishier than ever, in front of a unisex toilet.

The following photos arrived without any comments, which is a fantastic chance, we believe, to let our creative juices really flow, imagining where they might be from and what might have happened in these toilets to result in such clear signage. We encourage our readers to let go of all restraints and embrace some really fervent speculation.

 

Really let yourself go, now.

 

A tantalising door!

If a picture says more than a thousand words, here we have the equivalent of a bestselling mystery trilogy, popular in airports the world over.

A note of caution to sensitive readers: the following picture is highly suggestive and might make impressionable individuals over-excited. Be very, very careful.

Careful, now!

Finally, is this the fainting couch to end all fainting couches? Does one feel the urge to lie down sensuously, while sipping a gin-enriched glass of champagne and feeling really fabulous? Reader, one does.

Since we have established that it is irrelevant which Festive Video we choose, here is a random one that we have put no thought into whatsoever.

 

Festive Video: Sam Outlaw, Jesus Take the Wheel (And Drive Me to a Bar)

 

Related Reading

Shewee Fiend Friend 

Jonny

Spanish Missteps, Also Other Missteps

Sex Matters

Fair Play for Women 

Filia

Spanish Missteps, Also Other Missteps

Remember when, two years ago, we ran a toilet paper origami competition, where we encouraged people to send in pictures of folded bog roll? And where the winner was supposed to receive a signed photograph of Jonny wearing a pirate costume? No, we didn't, either. No winner was ever selected, and nobody ever received a photo of Jonny, signed or otherwise. Nostra culpa! We shall do our utmost to rectify this dire mistake.

Speaking of Jonny, we occasionally get asked who Jonny is, and we never know what to answer, although we seem to remember, vaguely, possibly having made an attempt, at some point, to explain the existence of Jonny on this blog, on this blog. Usually, we resort to giving our standard definition, which is that Jonny counts as a friend for administrative reasons. There.

Other friends are neither more easily explained nor have ever featured on the Privy Counsel, which in some cases possibly counts as a loss for humanity. Luckily, in the case of a friend who we have decided to call Rampant Rat-Hunting Friend (we could tell you the story of the rats but you wouldn't want us to - trust us on this), this sad state is about to be remedied! Rampant Rat-Hunting Friend has been to Spain, and has consequently sent us a photo of below toilet, remarking:

Prison toilet. In use until 2017.

We have seen worse toilets, and we have never been to prison.

The delight does not end there. Rampant Rat-Hunting Friend continues her epistolary fireworks with this message:

Is the lid supposed to be up and the seat down when you use the toilet, or all the time?

A question for the ages. (Incidentally, this sign reminds us of German Friend's photo of admirably clear signage in Bologna.)

We ourselves have been out travelling since we last wrote - not as far as Spain, but to the fair city of Malmö, where we encountered this charming toilet, which possessed many delightful traits such as, to name but a few, coat-hooks, fragrant soap, hand sanitiser, and towels which you could fling dramatically into a basket while exclaiming, "Begone, foul fiend! I wash my hands of you!". Or words to that effect.

 

We have expressed our views on wannabe ye olden toilet flush systems before, and haven't changed our mind on this, or any other, point since.

 

Why is it trendy to put the cistern on the wall? And, more to the point, when will it stop being trendy to put the cistern on the wall?

Jonny, meanwhile, has been to Greece, from where he reported that:

There's a phone in my bathroom.

Our response, naturally, was to write back immediately, urging Jonny to pose with the toilet phone in the manner of an eighties movie villain. Reader, Jonny did not disappoint!

"Me calling reception to let them know their grilled cheese is delicious."

Since Rampant Rat-Hunting Friend absolutely will not approve of any music we might choose, ever - being, on this point, as rabid as Shewee Fiend Friend - it is utterly irrelevant which Festive Video we choose for this post.

 

Festive Video - Rocky Burnette, Tired of Toein' the Line

Also, we know for a fact that this blog is read by a total of seven people, one of whom is Our Mum, and none of whom ever watch the Festive Videos. Thus it matters not one jot whether we also link to this version of this Festive Video, and also this fantastic version.

Related Reading

View the photos in the toilet paper origami competition here

That time when Lituanian Friend won a signed photo of Jonny wearing a trench coat, in a gold (well, arguably) frame: Frame of Mind 

All posts featuring German Friend

Admirably clear signage in Bologna: A Bog Post of Astonishing Clarity

Incidentally, remember that time when Australian Friend visited Beechworth Gaol? 

All posts featuring Jonny