Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Jonny! (Try to Restrain Yourselves.)

Ugh. The universe is doing that thing again where it's dark, and there's rampant misogyny everywhere, and bad things are happening left, right, and centre. And then, to get its filthy, bigoted, depraved kicks, the universe goes and adds pericoronitis to the already severely fucked-up state of things. Pericoronitis, in case you were wondering, is roughly as much fun as being tied to a tractor and pulled through a muddy field.

However, we mustn't let things get to us, or they will have won. (Identity of "them" to be determined at some point in future when the painkillers have worn off, and the smell of decomposing skunk has lessened somewhat in severity.) So let's cheer everyone up by enjoying a Privy Counsel Pin-Up! If memory serves us right (and there's an extremely large likelihood that it doesn't), the last one we did was in December last year, when we engaged in shameless perving over James Purefoy.

Celebrities are all very well, but in actual fact, celebrity culture can feel cloying, and shallow. So we thought we'd be a bit innovative and use a totally ordinary dude as a Pin-Up! And who better than Jonny! Jonny, for those of you who don't know him yet, can often be observed lurking in the Hyde Park area of Leeds. He is an all-round lovely dude, if a bit disgusting at times. He's also got totally smashing biceps, as you can see, and has the good taste of frequently posing in public toilets. Jonny counts as a Privy Counsel Friend for administrative reasons.

Jonny: an all-round lovely dude, if a bit disgusting at times.

If that got you feeling romantic*, ladies, check out this picture that Tudor Friend sent us!

Tudor Friend says:
"I do not want to know why anyone thought this would be a good idea."

*We're not quite sure what Jonny's relationship status is at the moment, but he tends to be very popular with the kind of wanton females who frequent this blog. So, if the type of dude who poses in public toilets gets your blood up, GRAB HIM WHILE YOU CAN.

What with all the darkness, misogyny, etc., we really, really, really, really, really need a festive video. Then we're off to add more rum to our tea.

Festive video - Chuck Berry, Johnny B. Goode

Related Reading
Jonny's finest hour:
Jonny and a Public Toilet - A Treat for Single Ladies
Another festive contribution from Jonny:
The Comfort of the Familiar - Life, Jonny, and Everything
A totally disgusting contribution from Jonny:
What Goes Around, Comes Around

Other posts involving Jonny:

Taking a Gander at Greatness

Less Intellectualism, More Prurient Pictures

We Clutch Desperately at Straws and Try to Cheer Everyone Up with One of Jonny's Pictures

On the Importance of Hygiene. And Elvis.

There's not been enough levity recently. It's been all seriousness, incontinence, crinolines, and a woeful lack of female urinals. There's other deplorable stuff going on outside Privy Counsel HQ as well, like literary theory, and sports. Frankly, the world is a sorry mess. What we all need more of more of in grim times like these is Elvis. More Elvis everywhere. Time for a Privy Counsel Pin-Up!

From what we've heard, Elvis was very into hygiene.
image from pinimg.com.

Elvis displaying a laudable interest in cleanliness.
Image from tumblr.com.

If you like the idea of a film featuring Elvis tending to his hygiene,
Live a little, love a little is apparently a good one.
Image from elvisinfonet.com.

Another good hygiene propaganda film is G.I. Blues.
Image from elvisinfonet.com.

We have vowed not to rest until we have one of these installed
at the Privy Counsel headquarters.
Image from blogspot.com.

We have no idea what is going on here, and are frankly a bit alarmed.
But the duck seems friendly, and Elvis looks clean.
Image from blingee.com

Let's have a festive video!


Festive video: Mojo Nixon, Elvis is Everywhere

Related Reading
Handwashing with Elvis
Toilet Song: Dirty, Dirty Feeling
A Completely Bathroom-Related Post
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Elvis (The Day After the Night Before Pick-Me-Up)

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Elvis! Again!

Who Knew That Going to the Toilet Could Be So Dangerous?

Another interesting shower curtain: Delirium Tremens: We Indulge in Paranoid Halloween Horror

Theme: "Unwanted Guests". Also, A Surprising Pin-Up!

Today's theme is, by popular request, "unwanted guests". As Obsessive Emmerdale Friend pointed out, having an unwanted visitor to one's toilet can be not just unpleasant but downright dangerous.

The first type of unwanted guest that sprang to our mind was the cockroach that we and Australian Friend shared a bathroom with in France. But perhaps we're being uncharitable. After all, what's the cockroach ever done to us? Apart from scaring the bejesus out of us in the middle of the night when we were still drunk and nearly causing us to have a collective apoplexy, the tender, softly-spoken little critter has always treated us with kindness and consideration.

Proving that Australian Friend seems to be connected in a very suspicious way to unwanted toilet beasts, the second unpleasant thing that occurred to us is the notorious toilet spider, so common in that very dangerous country, Australia. This fearsome creature will give you the heebie-jeebies at the very moment when you least want them, i.e. when you're trying to get on with your business.

Then of course there's Father Stone.





Father Ted's stony-faced heroism in the face (or arse) of an almost unbearably rough situation inspires, at least in our breast (we don't know about you), a glowing admiration bordering on hero-worship. Actually, Father Ted is rather attractive, isn't he? You're right. Let's make him a Privy Counsel Pin-Up!

Father Stone: An intrusive toilet-goer.
Father Ted: Kind of a babe!
Image from sakurakokitsa.

An eminently suitable Pin-Up: Ted knows how to charm the ladies.
Image from tedstees.com.

Related Reading
All spider- or insect-related posts:
Happy Birthday, Australian Friend!
Amie Australienne Va au Mariage, Casse Toilette (Australian Friend Goes to Wedding, Breaks Toilet)
We Receive a Postcard
A previous Father Ted-related post:
Well Done, Declan: Catholic Priests, Rabbits, and Toilets
All Previous Pin-Ups:
Gloat over the Pin-Ups Here

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Clint Eastwood, or, Black-and-White Baths, or, Dirty Men with Guns

Time for a Privy Counsel Pin-Up! While researching our Rootin', Tootin' Toilet Tale the other day, we happened upon this picture of Clint Eastwood being laudably hygienic. We always thought that gunmen in the Wild West just fell into horse troughs occasionally when drunk, and left their ablutions at that. But apparently that ain't so - it appears that there was a conscious effort to keep the fleas in check using hot water and soap. Hurrah for that! (Hygeia nods approvingly.)

Clint in High Plains Drifter. Image from imgc.allpostersimages.com.

Actually, since it's Friday, let's have a bonus pin-up!

Shooting from the hip-bath?
Glenn Ford in Cowboy. Image from manbathtime.

Do we hear you clamouring for more? Go on, then!

Paul Newman in The Secret War of Harry Frigg. Image from thestorytellinghour.

We'd love to oblige you with more, but a Privy Counsel's gotta get its rest sometime.

Related Reading
A Rootin' Tootin' Toilet Tale
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: James Purefoy
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Colin Firth
Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Now with 50 % Less Creepiness
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Stephen Fry
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Salvador Dalí

It Is Tolerable, We Suppose: A Privy Counsel Pick-Me-Up

In vain we have struggled! It will not do. Our feelings will not be repressed. You must allow us to show you this picture, which you have already seen a hundred times, but which we all ardently desire to feast our eyes upon again and again. After all, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a toilet blog in possession of a Privy Counsel Pin-Up label must be desirous of posting as many pictures of Mr Darcy in the bath as possible, right?
We know, we know, we've already done this Privy Counsel Pin-Up! We have faults enough, but we hope they are not of understanding, even if admittedly our judgement is questionable at times. A little sea-bathing, to calm the nerves, would most likely set us up forever.

Image from Fuckyeahdarcyandelizabeth.

Forgive us, mesdames and messieurs, for taking up so much of your time.

Related Reading
Pride and Prejudice and Plumbing
Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Colin Firth
Lucy Worsley and Jane Austen: Historical Toilet Etiquette

Joy in the Morning, Afternoon, and Well into the Night: Caitlin Moran in a Bathroom

We have had occasion to quote, in a previous post, P. G. Wodehouse's Bible paraphrase "Joy, joy, joy in the morning and joy, joy, joy in the afternoon". Well, prepare to clap your hands in unbridled joy again, 'cause we're up to our eyeballs in fabulousness!
We are thrilled to have discovered, probably by accident (our memory being overloaded, we honestly can't remember what the hell we were googling when we found it), a video with Caitlin Moran IN A BATHROOM! Oh, joy of joyous joys, spring must finally be on its way if fabulous things are allowed to happen in this unrestrained manner! We are extra pleased to have figured out the video function on this blog interface thingummajig, since it allows us to encase Caitlin Moran in a possessive, we-knew-about-her-first, hands-off-she's-ours kind of way. Anyway, enough verbal diarrhoea, here's the video of Caitlin Moran IN A BATHROOM:



God, wasn't that just fabulous? Well, quite! And guess what? THERE'S MORE:



Since the above videos feature a celebrity in a bathroom, we're taking the liberty of putting the label "Privy-Counsel Pin-Up" on this post, the current definition of a Privy Counsel Pin-Up being, as regular readers will be aware, "a picture of a celebrity in the bath. Any celebrity, any bath. We're not picky". Also, we reckon our Pin-Ups boast a fair amount of gender equality, and gender equality and fabulousness are what Caitlin Moran is all about!

Oh, joy! Caitlin Moran being a kick-arse feminist - in a bathroom!
Image from img.youtube.com

Related Reading
Sisters Standing up for Themselves
Celebrity Toilet Premiere
Toilet Song: Hitting the Bathtub Gin with Amy
Taking a Gander at Greatness
Taps, Wine and Elvis

What the Yellow Rubbery Fuck: Stephen Fry Acts as Pin-Up Again!

Because it's been one of those weeks, because next week looks like it's going to be much the same, and because we could frankly do with some escapism (couldn't you? We thought so!), let's have another lovely Pin-Up picture of Stephen Fry! We haven't seen the work of fiction from which this still is taken, but we assume this is Sherlock Holmes about to inject, or perhaps having just injected, some intravenous cocaine, kicking off his shoes (but keeping his socks demonstrably on, in laudably Scandiwegian fashion), and generally about to have a thoroughly relaxing Friday evening.

Stephen Fry in contemplative, shoes-off-but-socks-on, mood. Image from Men-in-baths

Well, good gracious, that seems a good idea! See you later!
Oh, and we're planning on having a bit of an orgy this weekend, so we might be incommunicado for a couple of days. Good evening and good weekend to you, gentle readers.


Related Reading
A Christmas Mystery: The Mysterious Case of the Curse at Crapper Castle, or, Put a Lid on It, or, No Shit, Sherlock  
Our Previous Stephen Fry Pin-Up
All Previous Posts about Stephen Fry
All Previous Pin-Ups
Victorians

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Elvis! Again!

Because it's just been that kind of day, let's have another Elvis Pin-Up!!

Keep your cotton-pickin' fingers, etc. Image from the Guardian.

Any day is a good day to post a picture of Elvis in a bathroom, obviously, but today we have, for various reasons, been more derangedly Elvis-obsessed than usual at Privy Counsel HQ. Granted, Elvis isn't in a bath in this picture, making it technically not a Privy Counsel Pin-Up at all, but one's sources are limited when one is dealing with dead people. It's called history. HTFU.

Related Reading
Our Last Elvis Pin-Up
Handwashing with Elvis
Random Excuses to Post Pictures of Elvis
All Previous Pin-Ups

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Elvis (The Day After the Night Before Pick-Me-Up)

Having learned our lesson, we are not hungover today, but a certain bleary-eyed-ness still pervades Privy Counsel HQ. What better way to revive one's spirits than with a Privy Counsel Pin-Up! (Sod it, we're going to go ahead and use three exclamation marks: !!!) Australian Friend alerted us to this beautiful picture of Elvis having an invigorating bath! (Apparently some dude or other wrote a book or summat.)

Image from the Guardian.

We don't have a hell of a lot else to say on the subject. It's a picture of Elvis being all wet in a swimming pool. Have a nice weekend.

Related Reading
Previous Elvis-Related Posts. Especially This One.
Handy Tip: A Poo Log (because this flat is where the party was last night.)

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Salvador Dalí

It keeps happening, we don't know how. No matter how much one resists - one may, for instance, pour neat gin down one's throat and play vulgar music at a loud volume - one somehow ends up in the space-time continuum labelled "Monday morning". In order not to give in to despair completely, we're posting a picture of Salvador Dalí in a bath-tub. After all, what's not to love about Salvador Dalí? Well, quite.

"There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."

Dalí was a surrealist painter from Catalonia who loved sticking the metaphorical finger up at the world in general. He has many amusing quotes attributed to him. For instance, we learn from our chief source of information, Wikipedia, that "[Dalí] was [...] known to avoid paying tabs at restaurants by drawing on the checks he wrote. His theory was the restaurant would never want to cash such a valuable piece of art, and he was usually correct".

A Dalí-esque toilet? Image from Constructionjunction

In order to get through the day, somehow, let us try to adopt some Dalí-esque thinking.

"Every morning upon awakening, I experience a supreme pleasure: that of being Salvador Dalí, and I ask myself, wonderstruck, what prodigious thing will he do today, this Salvador Dalí."

Related Reading
Previous Privy Counsel Pin-Ups 
Privy Counsel Art

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Stephen Fry

We just couldn't help ourselves: this seemed like the perfect Sunday Pin-Up! It's got everything one wants on a  Sunday: relaxation, cleanliness, a rubber duck, and that certain je ne sais quoi. AND STEPHEN FRY. In other words, a perfect picture!
Also it seemed the logical follow-up of yesterday's Pin-Up.

Stephen Fry in a bath: Hygeia leers lustily. Image from Fryaday.

A fan says: "Stephen in the bath is indeed a pick-me-up. The mouldy grout in the background is a bit of a reality-check, though."

Harrumpf, comments Hygeia.

Related Reading

Some Really Good Grouting
Some More Really Good Grouting
Even More Really Good Grouting

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Ménage à Deux

So we've done our bit to promote gender equality and cultural diversity. Then we found this picture. We have no idea how it fits into the agenda, if at all.

James Corden of Gavin and Stacey fame, in a bath with David Beckham.
Image from Meninabathtub

Hygeia, at any rate, was chuffed to see the picture. She approves of bathing in pretty much any circumstances, and mixer-tap-assisted bathing is basically as good as it gets, in her opinion.

Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Now with 50 % Less Creepiness

We've been making quite a big deal of our recent gender equality campaign, congratulating ourselves on posting a picture of a girl Privy Counsel Pin-Up. This was, in our opinion, an achievement, as 75 % of our previous Pin-Ups had been male (and, we may mention, a roaring success, indicating continued male Pin-Up dominance). But one must do one's bit to promote equality between the sexes. The problem is that pictures of men in bath-tubs are infinitely more humorous than pictures of women in bath-tubs, and also, the latter often have a tendency towards creepiness. And creepiness, as our regular readers will know, is not what the Privy Counsel is about. Be that as it may, however, we luckily came across a Privy Counsel Pin-Up-worthy picture, the gender-equality levels of which were through the roof! Through the roof, people!

Hurrah! Howard from The Big Bang Theory, and Starbuck
from Battlestar Galactica! In a totally uncreepy situation!
Image from kateesackhoff.com.

Well, we're off to grab our gun and bring the cat in. It really needs a bath.

Related Reading
Toilet Paper and Politics - Of Course They're Related
Space Waste
Space Waste, Part II
A Semi-Intellectual Treat

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Katy Perry

You'll be glad to know that we've had a spiritual epiphany. A bearded gnome came to us in a dream and told us that we don't have enough girl Privy Counsel Pin-Ups! Naked pictures of James Purefoy being a massive hit is all very well, said the gnome, but what about gender equality? As we all know, it's important to take spiritual epiphanies seriously. And we care deeply about gender equality, as well as pretty much every other type of equality that we can think of. Seeing as we recently published a Toilet Song by Katy Perry, we thought the kindred-spirit-pizza-lover would make a suitable pin-up. Voilà:

This is, apparently, a picture from Katy Perry's own Twitter account, of her in the bath with a pizza.
What can one say, except "OH GOD, YES!" Since we don't see the point of Twitter, this image is from Santabanta.

The Privy Counsel is, as you can see, working hard to promote equality. We're also working our arses off to procure an extremely exciting picture of some Roman plumbing, with an archaeologist attached to it! Stay tuned!

Related Reading
Toilet Song - Hitting the Bathtub Gin with Amy
(We thought of making Amy Winehouse a Privy Counsel Pin-Up, too, but it seemed disrespectful.)

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: James Purefoy

Although we just did a Privy Counsel Pin-Up post, and hesitate to repeat ourselves, we have decided to award the world at large a present, and publish one more. The previous posts were, you see, received with raucous acclaim, and it appears that Privy Counsel readers the world over are united in a cry of "More! More!" Who are we to deny them their simple pleasures? Here you go: pictures of James Purefoy in the bath! You're welcome. Pretend it's your birthday, or something.

Let's start with a picture where the man is fully dressed,
gradually moving on to the more depraved ones as we go along.
Image from mynewplaidpants.

As Mark Antony in Rome, bathing Roman fashion: being scraped with olive oil
and a strigil by a slave. This is also our own personal favourite method of bathing.
There are much ruder pictures than this one available online, for those so inclined.
Image from mynewplaidpants.

We're not entirely sure what's going on here or where this is from, and don't particularly care.
It might be a scene from Rome.
Image from mamakittyreviews.

Bath-tub festivity. Image from starlists.

Oh, go on, then. Let's have another one! It is so very festive!
Image from phoebefay.

For a serious thrill, contemplate this: Privy Counsel HQ was, once upon a time, located near James Purefoy HQ in Hammersmith!

Related reading
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Colin Firth
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Toby Stephens
For the sake of gender equality we naturally have a girl pin-up, too
The Roman Bath Museum - Crap on a Stick
Roaring Good Roman Fun

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Ablutions with Toby

Don't ask us why, but it's time for another Privy Counsel Pin-Up. Likewise don't ask us why, but we were lucky enough to come across a picture of Toby Stephens in the bath! Most people know this actor from Jane Eyre, but it turns out he's done lots of other stuff as well. Stephens has, it appears, strong cleanliness credentials; check out this video of him tending to his hygiene!

A reviewer on Amazon has this to say about Toby Stephens' audio books:

"Let Toby's velvet voice wash over you like melted chocolate as he breathes life into Tales from the Arabian Nights: Aladdin, Ali Baba and Sinbad, as only Toby can." 

Oooh, yes please. (It's quite hard to find quotes relating to Toby Stephens and hygiene on the internet. This one's got the word "wash" in it - that's as good as it gets.)

Hurrah! Another instance of Toby Stephens bathing; this time in The Camomile Lawn!
Image from digplanet

Related Reading
Jane Eyre - Plunging into Passion
Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Colin Firth 
Privy Counsel Pin-Up - James Purefoy
Anthony Hopkins Uses Hand Sanitizer, Avoids Winter Vomiting Disease

Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Colin Firth

  Our recent dry, scholarly raid into monastic plumbing has given us an itch to contemplate something slightly more frivolous. Luckily, we had the happy notion of posting a Privy Counsel Pin-Up!

  A vicious and annoying cold has occasioned us to spend a disproportionately large amount of time on the Privy Counsel sofa, enjoying Pride and Prejudice. Mr Darcy, played by Colin Firth, displays an energetic passion for hygiene. The wet shirt scene is, of course, famous, but we happen to also quite enjoy the scene where Mr Darcy has a bath!

Mr Darcy is, it would seem, laudably hygienic. (Image from Austenprose.)

  From what we can conclude from a brief Google trawl, there is a lot to be said on the subject of Georgian hygiene. One woman, foraying into the world of Regency reality dating shows, "washes her hair with a sticky concoction of rum, eggs, and rose water. She brushes her teeth with an ineffective paste that tastes like chalk dust. She unsuccessfully fights body odor with lemon juice. And when it’s time to take a bath, everyone subservient to the highest ranking person in the house has to use cold, dirty bathwater".

  We gather some more information from the Cookit blog:

The Georgians did not have very good personal hygiene.
People started to wash more often by the Regency period. By this time cotton had also become a popular fabric, as it washed more easily than others. However, for most of the period, both rich and poor were much smellier than today, many had rotting teeth and unsanitary habits.

  There were few flushable indoor toilets. After a long dinner, at the point where the ladies withdrew, both sexes would make use of chamber pots, the gentlemen behind a screen in the dining room itself and the ladies behind a screen in the drawing room.  Hygiene was not a great priority for any of the social classes and ladies’ fans were not only to keep them cool. They were also to disperse the odours of their less than fragrant menfolk. George III introduced sea bathing to the gentry as a healthy and pleasurable diversion, but only for the men; it was not deemed suitable for women. Some men took to having a daily dip in a cold plunge pool. This was thought a healthy, rather than hygienic, activity.

  Mrs Bennet, it must be said, attempts to persuade her husband to take the family to Brighton, so that she can go sea-bathing - a most admirable notion. "A little sea-bathing," she tells Mr Bennet, "would set me up forever". He, however, proves unimpressed with the idea, retorting, "And yet, I am unmoved". We believe we can safely say, without giving away the plot, that they don't go to Brighton, and that nobody goes sea-bathing.

Related Reading
Lucy Worsley and Jane Austen: Historical  Toilet Etiquette 
Pride and Prejudice and Plumbing
Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Ablutions with Toby
It Is Tolerable, We Suppose: A Privy Counsel Pick-Me-Up

A Much-Needed History Lesson for the Great Unwashed

We naturally assume that all our readers are wild-eyed barbarians, and need all the help they can get when it comes to hygiene and education. We are therefore extra thrilled today to announce that we have received a hot tip about a fun, light-hearted, yet educational tv programme, suited to a wide range of intelligence levels. It is called If Walls Could Talk, and one episode is devoted to the bathroom. Lucy Worsley, chief curator of the historic royal palaces, takes us on a jaunty caper through bathrooms of different ages.
If you have already washed all your linen with lye and urine today, and happen to have the luxury of a lazy Sunday with nothing to do, this delightful programme can be viewed on the BBC iplayer.

This woman has got the right idea

Related Reading
Other Posts About Lucy Worsley
Joy in the Morning, Afternoon, and Well into the Night: Caitlin Moran in a Bathroom

Toilet Song - Hitting the Bathtub Gin with Amy

Privy Counsel Pin-Up: Katy Perry