Toilet Song: Pain Pills

Many readers have noticed that we haven't posted any Toilet Songs recently. We keep receiving frantic e-mails saying "Please do another Toilet Song or I simply cannot go on living".* There's a simple reason for this sorry state of affairs: We've run out! You'd think there'd be an unlimited number of hit songs about toilets, but for some reason this is an unexplored topic for many artists. However, we came across a song by Angaleena Presley, one of the Pistol Annies, which mentions the word "bathroom", and were simply unable to contain our excitement!

Angaleena Presley, a.k.a. GuitarLeena. Image from this site.

Listen to this excellent song here:



Or, should the embedded song function not work, here.

We couldn't find the lyrics online, but have transcribed them to the best of our ability:

Pain Pills by Angaleena Presley

When Neddy dropped dead
the papers said he was a football hero
The kids all cried and the rumours died
And before he was in the ground
Jimmy was up on the strip job, sucking another one down

When Brookie got out it took about
a week to catch the fever
She run across town to doctor Brown
Begging for some...

Pain pills, pain pills
A little bit of hurt ain't surely gonna kill
A lot of good people in these here hills
Lord, won't you save us from these old pain pills

When Hazel-Jean died her mother tried 
to say it was pneumonia
The minister's wife told a bold-faced lie 
to protect her daughter's name
When half of the congregation 
was hooked on the very same thing

When Tommy caught wind that his uncle Tim
was about to die from cancer
He went to his house and broke the door down
and tried to steal some...

Pain pills, pain pills
A little bit of hurt ain't surely gonna kill
A lot of good people in these here hills
Lord, won't you save us from these old pain pills

The girl next door's on the bathroom floor
thinking about taking her a little bit more
It ain't never been this bad before

Pain pills, pain pills
A little bit of hurt ain't surely gonna kill
A lot of good people in these here hills
Lord, won't you save us from these old...

Pain pills, pain pills
A little bit of hurt ain't surely gonna kill
A lot of good people in these here hills
Lord, won't you save us from these old pain pills

Related Reading
Handwashing with Elvis
Toilet Song: Dirty, Dirty Feeling
Toilet Song: Johnny Cash
Toilet Song: Swooning with Brad
Toilet Song: Harlem River Blues

*May be a slight exaggeration

Toilet Song: Soda Soap

An invigorating Toilet Song seems to be in order! The one we've chosen for today is one that's close to Hygeia's heart, being about hygiene.
Sierra Leone's Refugee Allstars were formed in a refugee camp in Guinea in 2004, during Sierra Leone's civil war. The band toured refugee camps to keep everyone's spirits up, and when the war was over, their album Living Like a Refugee was released. As far as we understand, soda soap is a simple, home-made soap, which people tend to avoid in times of affluence, but which comes in handy when one is stuck in a refugee camp with limited hygiene facilities.

There don't appear to be any lyrics available in all the wide expanse of the inter-ma-net, but we found something even better: this lovely explanation by the singer himself.

Sierra Leone's Refugee Allstars. Image from kginsberg.de.

Related Reading
UNHCR
Oxfam Unwrapped

Pushing for Cultural Diversity

We have many mottoes keeping us afloat here at the Privy Counsel, the most important one being WWCD (What Would Chopper Do). However, another one goes, "If you're not worried, you probably should be". Our recent Privy Counsel Pin-Up-related gender equality campaign got us thinking, and we suddenly realised that almost all our Toilet Songs are by white males! While we have nothing against white males per se, they're hardly representative of the world at large. Luckily, Australian Friend thought of some fiendishly clever, if regrettably imaginary, culturally diverse toilet songs!

Here's the list. Enjoy!

PooShit

Toilet Paper Planes

Shit Me Baby, One More Time

Loco-Bowel-Motion

All That She Wants Is Another Toilet 

Pee Found Love

Bohemian Crapsody 

She Loves Poo (Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

Can't Get You Outta My Bum

Put Your Hand on the Bog Roll and Tell Me 

I Wanna Know What Crap Is
  
I've Got a Lot of Crap To Give

Ring of Fire

Poo Boy

Salt'n'Pepa: Ambiguous lyrics

Related Reading
A Festive Update
When I Walk Through That Door: A Rock'n'Roll Special

Toilet Song - Harlem River Blues

It's finally Sunday, our favourite day for Toilet Songs! Purists might argue that the lyrics of today's choice mention neither porcelain nor lavatories, nor contain even any references to flushing. We counter that by pointing out that historical precedence decrees that any lyrics containing words and/or concepts related to "dirty water" indicate a Toilet Song. Justin Townes Earle has been spinning on the Privy Counsel record player quite a lot lately, so most likely we'll misconstrue some more lyrics and find another Toilet Song from his repertoire sooner or later.

Justin Townes Earle - Harlem River Blues

Lord, I'm goin' uptown, to the Harlem River to drown
Dirty water's gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

I'm on a roll, mama, I gotta go, gotta get there while I still can
Troubled days are behind me now and I know they're gonna let me in
When you see me walkin' up the FDR, just a-singin' and a-clappin' my hands
Tell my mama I love her, tell my father I tried, give my money to my baby to spend

'Cause Lord, I'm goin' uptown, to the Harlem River to drown
Dirty water's gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

Good times come and they go, even a good man'll break
He'll let his troubles bury him whole even though he knows what's at stake
So I'm taking no chances, carrying over while I'm still good in His grace
I'm not no fool, mama, I know the difference between tempting and choosing my fate

'Cause Lord, I'm goin' uptown, to the Harlem River to drown
Dirty water's gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

Lord, I'm goin' uptown, to the Harlem River to drown
Dirty water's gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

Lord, I'm goin' uptown, to the Harlem River to drown
Dirty water's gonna cover me over and I'm not gonna make a sound

Genuine toilet photo taken by Justin Townes Earle -
clearly a sign that great minds think alike! Image from Twitter.

Related Reading
Handwashing with Elvis
When I Walk Through That Door: A Rock'n'Roll Special
Toilet Song: Johnny Cash
Swooning with Brad

Toilet Song: Lost

Phew. New Year's Day is always a bit awkward, if the rum you're drinking is at all worth its salt. Those pesky little words "face down in the porcelain" tend to spring to mind, for some reason or other.

Katy Perry - Lost

I'm out on my own again
Face down in the porcelain
Feeling so high but looking so low
Party favours on the floor
Group of girls banging on the door
So many new fair-weather friends, oh, oh, oh

Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost

Caught in the eye of a hurricane
Slowly waving goodbye like a pageant parade
So sick of this town pulling me down
My mother says I should come back home, but
Can't find the way 'cause the way is gone
So if I pray am I just sending words into outer space

Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost

Is there a light
Is there a light
At the end of the road
I'm pushing everyone away
'Cause I can't feel this anymore
Can't feel this anymore

Have you ever been so lost
Known the way and still so lost
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost
Have you ever been so lost

Katy Perry in porcelain action

The Strokes - Meet Me in the Bathroom

It's Sunday. We're presumably busy grappling a bottle of gin in a hotel bar with James Bond, but the rest of you could probably do with a rock'n'roll Toilet Song! We're quite pleased with this one, actually.

The Strokes - Meet Me in the Bathroom

When they say promises
They mean promises.
They'd say, "that's ok,
Long as we can celebrate"
You see, my uncle would say
things would change when he's dead...

"Meet me in the bathroom"
That's what she said
I don't mind...it's true.

Never was on time
Yes, I once was mine
Well, that was long ago
And darling, I don't mind.
Yeah, we were just two friends in lust
And baby, that just don't mean much
You trained me not to love
After you showed me what it was

Now she's staring wide-eyed
Can't close her eyes
Anywhere is fine
just don't waste my time
You see, my uncle would say
things would change once he's dead...

"Meet me in the bathroom"
That's what she said
I don't mind...it's true.

Never was on time
Yes, I once was mine
Well, that was long ago
And darling, I don't mind.
Yeah, they were just two fucks in lust
Baby, that just don't mean much
You trained me not to love
After you taught me what it was.

The Strokes - meet them in the bathroom! Image from tumblr

Toilet Song - Hitting the Bathtub Gin with Amy

It's Sunday - time for a Toilet Song! If you've spent as much time as we have with drunken academics lately, you'll be glad of some simple rock'n'roll to rest the mental faculties. We're in a subtle mood today, so toilet references are in a similar vein. Amy's mention of "stormy weather", moreover, strikes a chord - Privy Counsel HQ is literally snowed in!

Amy Winehouse - You Know I'm No Good

Meet you downstairs in the bar and hurt
Your rolled-up sleeves and your skull t-shirt
You say, "What did you do with him today?"
And sniff me out like I was Tanqueray

'Cause you're my fella, my guy
Hand me your Stella and fly
By the time I'm out the door
You tear men down like Roger Moore

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Upstairs in bed, with my ex boy
He's in the place, but I can't get joy
Thinking on you in the final throes
This is when my buzzer goes

Run out to meet ya, chips and pitta
You say, "When we're married" - 'cause you're not bitter -
"There'll be none of him no more"
I cried for you on the kitchen floor

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble
You know that I'm no good

Sweet reunion, Jamaica and Spain
We're like how we were again
I'm in the tub, you're on the seat
Lick your lips as I soak my feet

Then you notice a likkle carpet burn
My stomach drop and my guts churn
You shrug, and it's the worst
Who truly stuck the knife in first?

I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, you know that I'm no good
I cheated myself, like I knew I would
I told ya I was trouble, yeah ya know that I'm no good

Amy in the tub. When you're this fabulous you most likely don't need mixer taps.
Image from Youtube.

Toilet Song: Lost

Phew. New Year's Day is always a bit awkward, if one's New Year's Eve has been at all up to scratch. The words "Face down in the porcelain" tend to spring to mind, for some reason or other.

Katy Perry - Lost
I'm out on my own again
Face down in the porcelain
Feeling so high but looking so low

Party favors on the floor
Group of girls banging on the door
So many new fair-weather friends

Oh, oh, oh, have you ever been so lost?
Known the way and still so lost?

Caught in the eye of a hurricane
Slowly waving goodbye like a pageant parade
So sick of this town pulling me down, oh

My mother says I should come back home
But can't find the way 'cause the way is gone
So if I pray am I just sending words into outer space?

Have you ever been so lost?
Known the way and still so lost?
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost?

Is there a light, is there a light At the end of the road?
I'm pushing everyone away
'Cause I can't feel this anymore
Can't feel this anymore

Have you ever been so lost?
Know the way and still so lost?
Another night waiting for someone to take me home
Have you ever been so lost?
Have you ever been so lost?

Katy Perry in porcelain action

When I Walk Through That Door: A Rock'n'Roll Special!

It's Friday night: Let's have some rock'n'roll! Here's a special review-slash-toilet-song-update for that extra festive rockin' feelin'! (Caution, slippery surface - there'll be consonants droppin' all over the place.)
The guys and dolls at the rock'n'roll café in Linderöd not only play rock'n'roll tunes all day, every day, and serve a mean shrimp sandwich, they also extend the vibe to the toilets! This beauty of a bog has a red, white and black colour scheme for that wholesome retro feel.

Great balls of fire, this is an exciting toilet!

There's a whole lotta shakin' goin' on in this mixer tap! We're inclined to wax lyrical here:
She bent down and turned around and gave me a wink
She said, "I'm gonna mix it up right here in the sink"
 It smelled like turpentine and looked like India ink
I held my nose, I closed my eyes, I took a drink
(We seem to remember the soap smells really, really nice as well.)

Hot dog!
It's such a crazy, crazy feelin'
I get weak in the knees
My poor old head is a-reelin'
As I go deep into the funnel of love

Hooked, as it were, on a feeling.
(This may perhaps not strictly count as rock'n'roll, but we couldn't resist the pun.) Great coat-hook! Love it!

Although it's always crowded
You still can find some room
For broken-hearted lovers
To cry there in the gloom
Well, we wouldn't exactly describe this place as "gloomy".
Check out the comical hatstand!

If we coulda left home at a quarter to nine
Woulda had fun and plenty of time
We got started just a little bit late
Hope this won't be our last date

Don't forget to stop at this excellent café next time you're out cruisin' in your pink Cadillac - we don't know about you, but at the Privy Counsel, we feel inclined to rock around the clock! (Just a shame they don't serve polk salad.)

Further reading
Rock'n'Roll Toilet

Linderöds Motell
Tollarpsvägen 66
298 94 Linderöd
http://www.linderodsmotell.com

The Filth and the Fury, or, Never Mind the Lavatories, Here's a Toilet Song

We've got a list of lavish lavatories as long as your arm, and will publish pictures in due course. Today, however, being Sunday, the mind craves not intellectual stimulus but rest and repose. Let us therefore relax with a Toilet Song.

Sex Pistols - Satellite

A suburban kid and ya got no name
You're too dumb baby and ya got no brain
I bet you're all so happy in suburbian dream
But I'm only laughing
You ain't in my scheme

Baby
I love you

I only ever listen when you're on the phone
From your safely-restricted-zone home
When I got nothin' better to do
Then there's always you
You're good for my shoe

Hey babe
I love you

You look at me and you just can't tell
You're looking like you've just come out of hell
Acting like a dirty lavatory
There ain't no bid for your chastity

Hey Baby,
I love you

I'm in love
I'm really in love

Try and join the scene but you're too obscene
You're looking like a big, fat, pig-faced queen
How did you figure that you'd be any use
when all you're gonna get is my abuse?

Hey babe,
I love you

You know I don't like where you come from
It's just a satellite of London
And when you look me in the eye
Just remember: I wanna die

Hey babe
I love you

I can't take no more, just stop

The Sex Pistols: Fine lyricists and authors of simply gobsmacking metaphors.
Image from Morrison Hotel Gallery

 

Toilet Song with Lyrical Content

While our motto here at the Privy Counsel is quite prone to be something along the lines of, "Life's a bitch and then you die", every now and then even we are surprised by a little ray of sunshine making its way to our lair through the miasma of aerosol effects and general gloom. Like when we think of another toilet song, for instance.

Watch Eminem's The Way I Am here. 

(If you find prudish American censorship hypocritical and annoying, listen to the uncensored version here.)

Eminem. Image from Eminem Slimshadyfans

Eminem - The Way I Am
I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest MC on this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin' these sentences
Gettin' this stress that's been eatin' me recently off of this chest
And I rest again peacefully
But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when I'm eatin' or feedin' my daughter
To not come and speak to me.
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a motherfucking thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick
If you tempt me my tank is on empty
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin' you 10 feet in the air
I don't care who is there and who saw me just jaw you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of arguin'
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me

[Chorus:]
And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered
With all of this nonsense it's constant
And, "Oh, it's his lyrical content -
- the song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses"
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately
Points a finger at me
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, 'cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin' bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city
Havin' this happenin'
Then attack Eminem 'cause I rap this way
But I'm glad 'cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire
To burn and it's burnin' and I have returned

[Chorus:]
And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am

I'm so sick and tired of bein' admired
That I wish that I would just die or get fired
And dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name is... "
And pigeon-holed into some poppy sensation
That got me rotation at rock'n'roll stations
And I just do not got the patience
To deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some wigger who just tries to be black 'cause I talk
With an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep askin'
The same fuckin' questions
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
Till I'm grabbin' my hair and I'm tearin' it out
'Cause they drivin' me crazy 
I can't take it, I'm racin', I'm pacin', I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for every fan that I get
But I can't take a shit in the bathroom
Without someone standin' by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole I'm glad

[Chorus:]
'Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
'Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am 

http://www.eminem.com/