Tally-ho! It's been a while since our last post, but your favourite feminist bog blog is back! With, if not a vengeance, at least a hangover. We spent yesterday evening in a bar with the most amusing beer names, and if there is one thing we at the Privy Counsel enjoy, it is beer and amusing names!
Today we are mostly enjoying total silence, and tea, but if you fancy it we might also enjoy some kick-arse toilet pictures together. Audiologist Friend writes:
Tänkte att Tyskland kan väl inte ha något att komma med efter alla roliga badrum i England och Wales men måste dela med mig av denna hygieniska konstruktion!!! Händerna är fria eftersom man trampar för att spola toaletten, spola kranvatten SAMT öppna båda skjutdörrarna! Baren Haliflor.
I thought that Germany wouldn't have anything to offer after all the amusing bathrooms in England and Wales, but I have to share this hygienic construction!! Your hands are free, since you push a pedal to flush the toilet, operate the tap AND open both sliding doors! The Haliflor bar.
Schiebetür! Woof!
We love this more than words can express.
Woof!
There is only one word that covers this, and that word is WOW!! with two exclamation marks.
Happy pedalling in Berlin!
That's about all we have energy for right now; we require urgent contact with the floor, and maybe some cheese.
Today's Festive Video is neither festive nor a video, but it does contain a large dose of, as our students would no doubt say, BADASS. Our friend Rebecca Nice was sexually harassed by her tutor at university. Sexual harassment is more common than most people realise. The reason we don't usually hear about it is because victims are often too scared to talk about what has happened, and because employers are inclined to protect offenders. It's funny, for instance, how often an employer will claim to take sexual harassment seriously, and to have a zero-tolerance policy towards it, yet not conduct any proper investigations when a complaint is made.
Rebecca, however, has refused to be silent, and speaks up on Radio 5: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b07y68xz
We spent out last post babbling on in an unstructured manner about change. This was due to imminent rampant changes taking place across the Privy Counsel, and the nail-biting, head-clutching and general panic said rampant changes caused.
Much change has now taken place, but of course the business of the Privy Counsel remains to analyse, discuss, and stare in disbelief at, toilets. We have many members who have been to many exciting places recently sending us a perfect riot of toilet pictures from all over the world, but the subject of today's blog post will be Jonny's fancy toilet in Canada.
We hesitate to make this comment in the light of our remark to Jonny below, but there is something Asterix-esque over this tap, n'est-ce pas?
Jonny says:
Mixer taps, swanky tissues in a box and soap in a sauce bottle.
Make of this what you will.
Also a man watched me set up and take this shot.
Probably didn't understand.
On us suggesting out that the taps were perhaps somewhat phallic, Jonny replied, in a perfect orgy of double entendre, "I'd expect nothing less. Something I'm used to grasping". He added, some minutes later, "Also it's funny because they are knobs!" Well, quite.
Since we are currently on a train, hurtling through the countryside at a disconcerting speed totally belying the pathetic pace of the internet connection, we will have to limit the length of this blog post.
We are eager, however, to provide our readers with the intellectual stimulance, edification and delight to which they have grown accustomed over the past six years. Thus we will perhaps share, before we part, an invigorating poem. This one comes from Our Mum, and contains much wisdom. You're welcome!
There was an old man from Darjeeling
Who rode on a bus bound for Ealing
He read on the door:
"Don't spit on the floor"
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling
Since we care deeply for your safety and wellbeing, we would also like to impart the wisdom contained in this Festive Video. Nights are drawing in, and all daylight will soon have been replaced with misery and wet wool. Stay safe! Use reflectors! (Video courtesy of Shewee Fiend Friend - many thanks for keeping us well-informed on important subjects!)
Change. It happens all the time, whether we want it or not. Some changes are universal, like the ageing process. Inevitable and merciless, it keeps happening on the sly, slowly but inexorably, until one day one realises that actually, one is not 25 any more and can't drink that amount of wine without spending the next day clutching one's head and wishing for death, or quietly has a heart attack one morning when looking in the mirror and wondering who that rabid old hag with the beard is, only to conclude that it is the reflection of one's actual face.
Other changes are more specialised, like for instance realising that you are now the kind of person who takes pictures of toilets. Many of our contributors have commented on this phenomenon. The latest person to experience this very specific trauma is Meandering Friend, who sent us this invigorating stream-of-consciousness commentary on a picture of a urinal (as usual, in case you are too hungover to want to practise your colloquial Swedish, an English translation follows):
Vet inte om det är lite FÖR... Men är det något för bloggen? Svårt att veta Vidare läsning gav att de små färgglada plupparna på gallret är någon slags doft-kompositer Okänt för oss obehängda Usch det är en förjävlig bild nu när jag kollar igen Uuuu kanske skippa? Kommentaren var dock lite kul... "detta må vaere en nord-Trönder" Ok anyhow... Cheerio på dig - hörs och ses!
(Don't know if this is a bit TOO... But is it something for the blog? Hard to know
Further reading revealed that the small colourful blobs on the grid are some kind of scent composite
Unknown to the uninitiated
Urgh, it's a bloody awful picture now I look at it again
Ummm, maybe skip it? Though the comment was quite fun - "detta må vaere en nord-Trönder"*
Ok anyhow... Cheerio - see you soon!)
*The comment is in Norwegian
A Norwegian (?) urinal! What everyone is of course wondering,
is what kind of contacts Meandering Friend has on Facebook.
Feisty French Friend is embarking on a rather huge adventure, and we look forward to many exciting toilet pictures from her new abode!
Shewee Fiend Friend has a new cat. The cat, we are happy to say, enjoys huddling next to the toilet, just like we do after drinking too much wine. Actually, speaking of cats, and wine, a recent acquaintance of ours, a young lady who likes pretending that she is either a cat or a dog, asked us the other day if she could taste our wine. On us explaining that wine is only for grown-ups, and not suitable for three-year-olds, said lady launched forth the theory that cats have to drink wine, as otherwise they get sick and die. We look forward to spending a lot of time with this ragingly intelligent girl when she is old enough to drink.
A sympathetic cat, huddling behind the toilet.
Shewee Fiend Friend would like to clarify that
"That's not mold, just old crumbly paint. I checked. The apartment is old".
Other friends are launching into various new adventures. Adventures are exciting, obviously, but can lead to a lot of anxiety, hair-tugging, and accidental over-consumption of alcohol. Fear is a perfectly rational response to many human experiences, and quite often one finds oneself wishing that one was small enough to be able to huddle behind the toilet, not in plain sight next to it. However, here is a reminder that you can learn to fly on the way down. Go ahead, leap! (And remember that ultimately, everything you do is futile. The universe is a vast and terrifying void, containing a tiny, habitable speck of dust which we seem hell-bent on destroying. We are, essentially, short-sighted monkeys with computers. Now relax, and stop giving a fuck. Have a drink, maybe.)
Festive Video - Maddie & Tae, Fly
Related Reading
The new blog by two Privy Counsellors: Out of Lines
Change. It happens all the time, whether we want it or not. Some changes are universal, like for instance the ageing process. Inevitable and merciless, it keeps happening on the sly, slowly but inexorably, until one day one realises that actually, one is not 25 any more and can't drink that amount of wine without spending the next day clutching one's head and wishing for death, or quietly has a heart attack one morning when looking in the mirror and wondering who that rabid old hag with the beard is, only to conclude that it is the reflection of one's actual face.
Other changes are more specialised, like realising that you are the kind of person who takes pictures of toilets. Many of our contributors have commented on this phenomenon. The latest person to experience this very specific trauma is Meandering Friend, who sent us this invigorating stream-of-consciousness commentary on a picture of a urinal (as usual, in case you are too hungover to want to practise your colloquial Swedish, an English translation follows):
Vet inte om det är lite FÖR... Men är det något för bloggen? Svårt att veta Vidare läsning gav att de små färgglada plupparna på gallret är någon slags doft-kompositer Okänt för oss obehängda Usch det är en förjävlig bild nu när jag kollar igen Uuuu kanske skippa? Kommentaren var dock lite kul... "detta må vaere en nord-Trönder" Ok anyhow... Cheerio på dig - hörs och ses!
(Don't know if this is a bit TOO... But is it something for the blog? Hard to know
Further reading revealed that the small colourful blobs on the grid are some kind of scent composite
Unknown to the uninitiated
Urgh, it's a bloody awful picture now I look at it again
Ummm, maybe skip it? Though the comment was quite fun - "detta må vaere en nord-Trönder"*
Ok anyhow... Cheerio - see you soon!)
*The comment is in Norwegian
A Norwegian (?) urinal! What everyone is of course wondering, is what kind of contacts Meandering Friends has on Facebook.
Feisty French Friend is embarking on a rather huge adventure, and we look forward to many exciting toilet pictures from her new abode!
Shewee Fiend Friend has a new cat. The cat, we are happy to say, enjoys huddling next to the toilet, just like we do after drinking too much wine. Actually, speaking of cats, and wine, a recent acquaintance of ours, a young lady who likes pretending that she is either a cat or a dog, recently asked us if she could taste our wine. On us explaining that wine is only for grown-ups, and not suitable for three-year-olds, said lady launched forth the theory that cats have to drink wine, as otherwise they get sick and die. We look forward to spending a lot of time with this ragingly intelligent girl when she is old enough to drink.
A sympathetic cat, huddling behind the toilet.
Shewee Fiend Friend would like to clarify that
"That's not mold, just old crumbly paint. I checked. The apartment is old".
Other friends are launching into various new adventures. Adventures are exciting, obviously, but can lead to a lot of anxiety, hair-tugging, and accidental over-consumption of alcohol. Fear is a perfectly rational response to many human experiences, and quite often one finds oneself wishing that one was small enough to be able to huddle behind the toilet, not in plain sight next to it. However, here is a reminder that you can learn to fly on the way down. Go ahead, leap! (And remember that ultimately, everything you do is futile. The universe is a vast and terrifying void, containing one tiny speck of dust to which we are clinging, and ultimately destroying. We are, essentially, short-sighted monkeys with computers. Now relax, and stop giving a fuck. Have a drink, maybe.)
Festive Video - Maddie & Tae, Fly
Related Reading
The new blog by two Privy Counsellors: Out of Lines
You know how sometimes you end up drinking schnapps with three young men from the navy on Midsummer's Eve? And it turns out they know an astonishing amount of drinking songs? And then, soon after that, somebody invites you to have a look at their archive? (Not a euphemism.) And how sometimes, even after that, other good things keep happening? To the point where you start to feel paranoid, and your eyes dart back and forth crazily while your mouth forms itself into a lopsided demented grin whenever you talk to someone? Well, that is what life is like at Privy Counsel HQ at the moment.
Also, have you noticed that the lime trees are in bloom? If you haven't, don't worry - we have done it for you! Lime trees, as we all know, have a delightful scent when in bloom and have inspired Germany's most poetic street name, Unter den Linden.
Lime trees in their most rampant phase of loveliness.
Image from deboragarden.
Other flowers that are in bloom at the moment are honeysuckle, roses, and elderflower. Our friend Maureen Helen frequently blogs about flowers and other mindfulness-inducing phenomena, and we don't see why we should lag behind. Thus we are now going to talk at you about flowers, whether you want us to or not.
We exhort you to get a snootful of honeysuckle as soon as possible,
for the sake of your health and relative sanity.
If at all possible we should all be stopping to smell the roses.
We simply cannot think of anything more enjoyable (especially on a day when one's drinking-schnapps-with-three-young-men-from-the-navy quota has already been filled).
Elderflower is supremely useful. Not only is it an effective medicinal herb, but elderflower cordial goes superbly with all kinds of alcohol, and makes for a jovial evening and cordial relations.
An elderflower tree in the vicinity of Privy Counsel HQ. We didn't actually know it was there until a friend kindly pointed it out, which is somewhat embarrassing, but in our defense it is too dark to see anything for nine months of the year where we are, and also we spend most of our time at a computer ranting about toilets and sexism, not in the wild outdoors staring at trees.
We suspect that our intelligent readers are now extremely impatient for some toilet pictures. We seldom, in our own humble opinion, disappoint, so here you are! Our Mum, who hates football, sent us a message last night announcing her defiant intention of watching the Iceland-England game, hoping to see "Iceland beat the crap out of England". Those who voted pro-Brexit, thereby risking the political and economic stability of the entire European Union, are presumably not aware of the fury they have unleashed. Let us hope, for their sake, that they don't run into Our Mum when she is in a fuming rage ranting about the idiocy of Brexit!
Iceland, as we all know by now, did beat the crap out of England, which led to a certain grim satisfaction in the Bremain camp, though ultimately a football victory does little to undo the political chaos and rampant racism of recent days. But still. The people of Iceland are our heroes today, and what better way to celebrate than by enjoying pictures from the toilets in Reykjavík's Hallgrímskirkja? Well, quite. We ventured into our archive (which, as regular and perhaps semi-regular readers are aware, we imagine as a crypt out of The Monk, no doubt for sane and normal reasons) to retrieve these specially. Verði ykkur að góðu!
Sturdy, functional and very, very clean - just what you'd expect of a church in Reykjavík.
We cannot applaud this simplicity and cleanliness enough.
Words cannot describe how much we love this sturdy coat-hook.
We do not love this kind of scented soap, but it does the job and we will not rant needlessly.
We couldn't help but feel very, very smug when spotting this Swedish Mora tap.
Since we're on the topic of politics, may we suggest, if anyone with any influence in the Labour party happens to be reading, that you put a woman (if you are unsure what this is, see a helpful definition here) forward for leadership? We are not huge fans of party politics, but clearly the Tory party consists entirely of lunatics, and a change of government now seems indicated, both in terms of political spectrum, and in terms of sex. We don't want to foist our opinions on anyone, but CAITLIN MORAN FOR PRIME MINISTER!!!
Before we move on to today's festive video, here is a delightful postcard that we received from Tudor Friend, who has been to Haworth to visit the Brontë museum. As regular readers are aware, the Brontës are our heroes, and we think that the below quote by Charlotte Brontë adequately summarises the raison d'être of this blog.
Charlotte Brontë was a woman who wrote books. Yes, really.
Well, today is a sad day. Today, we found out the result of the Brexit referendum. Still. An upper lip as stiff as one's whisky, what?
The Privy Counsel is an international community of intellectuals (with emphasis, sometimes, on "international" rather than "intellectuals"). Our contributors and friends come from all sorts of countries, and all sorts of backgrounds. If it were not for the EU, the Privy Counsel would not exist.
And international we shall remain. And also inclusive, open-minded, and determined to fight hate with the weapons available to us - our humour, our intellects, and our hearts.
Here's how we actually feel. Or, as Laurie Penny put it, "All I can think of is: I will love fiercer, I will work harder, I will write faster, I will not give in to fear".
We have some delightful inclusive and international toilets to admire today, courtesy of Audiologist Friend, who writes:
Tror inte jag besökt en mindre toalett än denna! Lite utedass-känsla när en inte får spola ner pappret (servetter?!) i toan. Danmarks hippaste grød-matställe. Det heter Grød!
(Don't think I have visited a smaller toilet than this one! Kind of an outdoor-privy kind of feeling, when one can't flush the toilet paper (napkins?!) down the toilet. Denmark's hippest grød eatery. It's called Grød!)
A polite sign, representing the courtesy we strive towards encouraging at the Privy Counsel.
A seriously shit tap, highly reminiscent of the kind of typical British tap that makes all right-thinking people gnash their teeth in frustration and nourish fervent hopes that British people would a) travel more widely in countries that have functioning plumbing - perhaps even work or study in one, thanks to the EU's facilitation of work migration, and b) adopt functioning plumbing in their own country.
Another polite - and urgent - sign. This reminds us of toilets in countries like India, or Greece.
where one often can't flush toilet paper.
A sad receptable of refuse, shoved into a corner - a metaphor for Britain's political future?
We have heard of establishments serving porridge taking over London's gentrified areas, and are of course delighted that they now fortify and sustain the hard-working hipsters of Copenhagen, too.
Staying with today's focus on internationalism, here is a message from Semi-Intellectual Friend:
Let's finish off with an international greeting from German Friend, who kindly sent us a useful yet decorative (one of our favourite combinations!) calendar featuring toilets from around the world last Christmas:
"A clean bathroom speaks well of its user."
People seem to have been posting rather a lot of Sex Pistols videos on social media today, leading us to select one for today's Festive Video, primarily due to the words "There is no future, and England's dreaming". Still, let's remember those other words as well.
We're off now, to drink ourselves into a stupor for the rest of the afternoon. Happy midsummer's eve!
Festive Video - The Sex Pistols, God Save the Queen
We are illustrating this post with consent images.
All consent images from the awesome Föreningen Tillsammans Twitter account, unless otherwise stated.
Sometimes one has to work very hard to see the bright spots. But they tend to be there, if you squint hard enough. Friends, fortunately, are good sources of light.
"Consent - it's simple as tea." You can make someone a cup of tea, but if they don't want it, or if they're unconscious or asleep, you can't force them to drink.
Image from rockstardinosaurpirateprincess
And we went to Copenhagen Airport to talk to one of the managers about the steps they have taken to prevent sexual harassment from happening in the security check ever again!
The customer service team sent us an apology, which we found woefully inadequate. We weren't interested in being apologised to - we wanted the airport to bloody well prevent its staff from harassing women!
Harassment is intended to intimidate. According to a study conducted by the FRA, the European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights, in 2014, over 50 % of Danish women have been subjected to physical or sexual violence, and between 70 and 80 % have been sexually harassed. The Everyday Sexism Project Denmark bears witness to the physical, sexual and verbal violence that women in Denmark are subjected to, every day. The constant exposure to threats and violence means that women's freedom of movement is reduced, and thus constitutes a threat to democracy. Basically, if you're scared to step out the door, or voice your opinion, or get on a plane, due to a fear of being harassed, you may find it challenging to exercise your democratic rights and duties.
Physical and sexual violence is not a women's problem. It is a human rights problem. The UN recognises sexual harassment as a form of violence against women. The EU recognises the right to be free from discrimination on the basis of sex (according to the Charter of Fundamental Rights of the European Union), and further demands that its member states ensure the right to equal treatment between men and women in all areas, including employment, work and pay, vocational training, and access to goods and services. This means that all forms of sexual harassment are a breach of human rights as defined by the EU and the UN.
However, it seemed to us that Copenhagen Airport were perfectly happy to let their staff sexually harass women with impunity.
But. The article in Politiken by Anne Lea Landsted, and the subsequent flood of complaints from other women claiming to have been sexually harassed, did cause the airport to review its routines.
A friend of ours, who works at Copenhagen Airport, got us a meeting with one of the managers. The manager in question explained that the airport has implemented three changes to its procedures, intended to protect customers from sexual harassment, and make sure that it is enquired into properly if a complaint is made. The changes are:
1) Only female staff will conduct body searches on female passengers. Copenhagen Airport formerly had a policy of letting both male and female officers search both male and female passengers. We think it would be wonderful if such a policy were possible, as it would mean that men and women were able to interact without harassment happening. However, due to there being an uneven power balance between staff and passengers (most people are not very likely to react when sexually harassed, and especially not when they've just handed their passport over and are being subjected to a humiliating ritual involving strangers touching their armpits), we don't think that kind of arrangement is feasible. So well done, Copenhagen Airport, for facing the facts and not letting male staff do body searches on women!*
2) The airport is storing CCTV footage for a month, not two weeks as previously. The airport recognises that a person subjected to sexual harassment in the security control may wait until he or she gets home before filing a complaint. This means that by the time you do, the footage may already have been deleted, or will be by the time the police get around to investigating. Storing the footage for longer means that inquiries will be facilitated, and that police investigations will hopefully not be closed due to lack of evidence.
3) An amendment has been made to the internal notification system, to ensure that a complaint made isn't lost in a sea of messages on a busy day.
Also, we have been assured that if a member of staff is found to have harassed someone, they will be fired immediately. Obviously, keeping CCTV footage for longer will help in this matter.
We find the procedural changes at Copenhagen Airport to be hope-inspiring. As we commented to Tudor Friend,
"If nothing else they have an economic incentive to prevent harassment - they don't want to be known as the pervy airport!"
Tudor Friend promptly replied,
"Yes, 'Welcome to Denmark, home of the PervPort' doesn't really encourage tourism."
Going off on a bit of a tangent, she continued,
"'PervWorld Airlines: Come Fly the Friendly Skies. And we really mean the Friendly'."
At this point we felt the need to interrupt Tudor Friend before we both suffered irreparable damage to our respective psyches.
Hell, this is supposed to be a bog blog - let's have some toilets! Some hope-inspiring toilets!
The below pictures are from one of the restaurants at the Tivoli in Copenhagen, the capital of what used to be everyone's favourite toilet country, Denmark. One used to be able to access these fancy toilets through the café opposite the central train station, which we have enjoyed gorging on cakes in on many occasions, for instance with Intellectual Friend and Danish Friend. However these bombastic bogs have, we discovered on a subsequent visit, been made inaccessible to hoi polloi. One can no longer just stroll down from the café to use the loo - one has to be a guest at the actual Tivoli restaurant. Access denied. The way is shut. Bugger off.
Let us think of the Tivoli restaurant toilets as a metaphor for women's bodies - ACCESS DENIED UNLESS YOU HAVE BEEN GRANTED ENTHUSIASTIC PERMISSION.
Mere consent is not enough - don't settle for less than rampant enthusiasm!
Image from Buzzfeed
Right? Let's move on.
These toilets are so fancy we die a little inside. (But not before huffing at the subjunctive tap.)
We note the spare bog roll with approval, but scorn the non-covered toilet roll holder.
A flush button console doubling as a mirror - what's not to like?
Only two words cover this situation, and those words are HUBBA! HUBBA!
A stylish and functional coat-hook - our favourite kind!
A soap promising actual resurrection? A bit too high-brow for us.
OOOH FANCY
SO SO FANCY
We had intended to make today's Festive Video a feminist anthem. But then we came across this absolutely kick-arse video of Dolly Parton imitating Elvis, and lost all sense of proportion. We have realised that THIS IS WHAT WE HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO. HOW CAN WE FIND A WAY TO MAKE A LIVING DOING ELVIS COVERS - WHILE DRESSED AS DOLLY PARTON?
(Do drop us a line if you figure out a way.)
Festive Video - Dolly Parton, All Shook Up
Postscript Australian Friend came to visit us recently, and passed safely through the Copenhagen Airport security check, without being harassed. Hurrah!
*In case you feel inclined to go off on one of the highly unproductive and short-sighted "not all men" rants: 98 % of all acts of sexual violence are committed by men. Most of these acts of violence are directed at women, some at men. But only 2 % are committed by women. Related Reading
Our account of the struggle to get sexual harassment investigated: On Violence Against Women
A follow-up post, where we were still waiting to hear from the police, and were applauding Shewee Fiend Friend's kick-arse antics: One Battle Won, But the War Ain't Over
We usually feel compelled, when ranting about the patriarchy, to point out that we have many male friends who would never dream of acting in a sexist or boorish manner. Some of them may be found featured under the following labels (in alphabetical order):
