A 19th-Century Scottish Toilet Extension, and Being Fed Up with Self-Righteous Dudes

You know when, during an ordinary - bog-standard, even - rampant feminazi discussion, a friend suddenly remembers a cool toilet photo they took recently in Scotland? This joyous concatenation of circumstances happened to us the other day.

Shewee Fiend Friend says:

I took this picture of a toilet for you.
In Perth, Scotland. The pub in front is from 1633, and the building behind it is older, but I couldn't tell how much.
With awesome wooden toilet extensions! Those must be 19th century!

We love this so much our throat goes all constricted and we have to cough, and blink.

We have many enjoyable conversations with Shewee Fiend Friend. They tend to be mainly about a) rampant feminazism, b) academic matters, and c) toilets. Funnily enough, we have never discussed the song featured in the Festive Video below with Shewee Fiend Friend. For some reason, the topic of Shania Twain has never arisen in our conversations. Ever. But we're pretty sure that Shewee Fiend Friend would agree with the tenet that more women should say, "Dude, that don't impress me much" to dudes who don't impress them much.

While we would never, ever advise anyone to wear head-to-foot leopard-print clothes including an impractical-for-desert-hiking ankle-length coat and a hat box, we still think the below song is totally fucking awesome. Many, many dudes - oh God, so many dudes - persist in the belief that they are desirable to women without making any effort to make themselves attractive. (You know, of course, without us having to explain it, that our use of the word "attractive" here goes beyond mere physical appearance.*) It is time that we - all of us - recognised this, and stopped pandering to dickheads. This is the topic of today's Festive Video.

*Making oneself attractive can include the following strategies:

- Listening to what the other person is saying
- No. Really. Listening. Talking over somebody after half a sentence does not count as listening
- Not assuming that you know better than the other person. (See for instance our infographic for more information on this point.)
- Especially not assuming that you know better than the other person when it comes to things you have zero personal experience of
- Not uttering your opinions regarding topics about which you are woefully uninformed
- Not talking about how great you are in an unironical way
- Not trying to impress another person by using grammatically incorrect phrases in a language which, if you'd take the trouble to ask, you would discover that the other person speaks much better than you
- Not telling another person how he or she is feeling
- Not uttering the words "Why do women put up with oppression?"

Let's have the Festive Video!

Festive video - Shania Twain, That Don't Impress Me Much

Related Reading

An article on the scales patriarchy so painstakingly glued to your eyeballs falling away, and the breathtaking feeling of freedom - and massive inconvenience - this entails: 
Ten Things Feminism Has Ruined For Me

A blog post on the extraordinary phenomenon of dudes believing they own another person's body: 
It Was Easier to Give in Than Keep Running

An article on dudes expecting attention without having made one single stroke of effort to deserve it: 
The Dickonomics of Tinder

Fictional Friend told us about the awesomeness of the Tahirih Justice Center. Tahirih's last recorded words were, “You can kill me as soon as you like, but you will never stop the emancipation of women”.

Are you a mansplainer? Not sure? See our explanatory mansplainer infographic.

All posts featuring Shewee Fiend Friend

P.S.
When we get depressed thinking about all the mansplaining dickheads out there, we cheer ourselves up by remembering some of our favourite people who are male, educated and terribly, terribly nice, and would never dream of mansplaining anything to anyone, ever:

Bogsley Hansson Friend
Enlightened Friend
German Friend
Intellectual Friend
Semi-Intellectual Friend

Disco Fever in Stavanger

We're feeling a bit under the weather at the Privy Counsel today. Might be the typhoid, or scurvy. Or herpes. You never know. However, a sturdy grog and some toilet blogging is good, as regular readers are aware, for what ails ya.

The below pictures arrived during one of those times in one's life that are usually described, in retrospect, as "challenging". That is, when the only thing stopping you from throwing yourself in front of a bus is the kind of tiredness that robs you of the initiative to put one foot in front of the other, never mind in front of a moving vehicle. They came from a festive friend who has recently been spending a lot of time in Norway, and cheered us up immensely!

(As usual, don't miss this opportunity of practising your colloquial Swedish! A translation follows below, however, in case you lack the initiative to translate before you've had your afternoon grog.)

Our festive friend writes:

"Väl utrustad discotoa" på Cardinal (pub med bibelaktig bok över ölmenyn) i Stavanger. Hehe kunde inte låta bli att tänka på din blogg när handtorken flimrade i cirkulär formation i mina ögon.
Obs film finns på detta. 

("Well equipped disco toilet" at Cardinal (a pub with a Bible-like book containing the beer menu) in Stavanger. Hehe, couldn't help but think of your blog when the air dryer flickered in circular formation in my eyes.
N.b. there is a video of this.)

Woof! Let's have a look at this epic disco toilet!

DISCO!!!
Seriously, how festive is this air dryer? It is so festive that it has distracted us into forgetting
to launch into our customary rant about the evils of air dryers.

Although we are fiercely protective of our friends' privacy (we have sworn a solemn vow, for instance, to never ever reveal which of our friends has a bona fide case of genital herpes), it cut us to the heart to not be able to show you the original version of this photo. As you can see, our friend is wearing a Norwegian lusekofte (visible below Geena Davis's rampant pirate belt), and looks very charming.

The toilet itself is sadly lacking in disco qualities.

It's wonderful, isn't it, how toilet pictures can constitute spiritual solace? We now feel refreshed and ready to resume our customary ranting - AND DISCO DANCING! We hope you do, too.

It's actually been a good couple of weeks since we last experienced any mansplaining worth its salt. However, we were exposed to a vicious assault of Latin-related mumsplaining just recently, which reminded us of the awesomeness of the Mansplainer song.

Festive video - Mansplainer feat. the Doubleclicks, The Mansplainer

Related Reading
All posts featuring Norway
All posts featuring pub toilets
All posts featuring rabid, mouth-foaming rants about mansplaining


P.S.
When we get depressed thinking about all the shouting dudes lost in dick territory, we cheer ourselves up by remembering some of our favourite people who are male, educated and terribly, terribly nice, and would never dream of mansplaining anything to anyone, ever:

Bogsley Hansson Friend
Enlightened Friend
German Friend
Intellectual Friend
Semi-Intellectual Friend

Fifty Shades of Bullshit: Fastidious Thoughts

That's quite enough now, thank you.

Surely there is a legal limit to how much bullshit one person can be subjected to in the space of a week? The misogynists in our life reach ever new heights of idiocy; the mansplainers are collectively suffering from a verbal diarrhoea so virulent that we worry they might have cholera; the SEO spammers keep ignoring the notice we've inserted at the bottom of this blog instructing them to go away lest we taunt them again; and an outrageous article has caused us to splutter, choke on our tea, and huff in indignation. Let's deal with these issues one at a time.

The misogynists we are choosing to ignore. The well-meaning mansplainers we are mentally patting on the head in a patronising manner, and the asinine ones we are mentally pushing out the window (there is a very satisfying thud as they hit the pavement).

We've been receiving some very sweet SEO spam comments, from people who have evidently made an effort with their prose - one even went so far as to attempt to write to us in Google-translated German! (No doubt this was inspired by our recent foray into the trendy Kreuzberg district of Berlin, accompanied by some seriously edgy rampant feminist rapping - they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.) Let's have a look at a couple of the best ones. The first SEO-spam comment says:

г [sic]
First оf all I would like tо say wonderful blog!
I hаd a quick question tҺat ӏ'd like tо aѕk if yoս don't mind.
I was interesteԀ to know hoԝ you center yourself ɑnd clear уour
head prior to writing. Ι Һave hɑd difficulty clearing my mind іn gеtting mү tҺoughts out.
I do enjoy writing ɦowever іt ʝust ѕeems likе the first 10 tߋ
15 minutеs are սsually wasted just trуing to figure out how to bеgin. Any recommendations or hints?
Cheers! 

Ӊere is mу site [link omitted]

The flattering suggestion that our head is "clear" while writing causes us to gibber incoherently.

The second really sweet SEO-spam comment reads:

Hеllo it's me, I am alsо visiting thiѕ web page regularly, tɦis site is trulү gоod and tɦе people are rеally sharing fastidious tҺoughts.

Mƴ web blog [sic] [link omitted]

Fastidious thoughts! We take this as a compliment to the collective intellect of our friends, and move on.

Now for some ranting! We came across an insane article (in the Huffington Post, which should surely know better?), entitled "4 [sic] Genius Gadgets In British Homes That Americans Should Borrow".

We know, right?!

[let's pause here while you all get your breath back and clutch your head after - it's ok, we just did the same thing - banging it against the wall]

The article presents common rage-inducing expressions of lunacy like there being no electrical socket in the bathroom, and there being separate taps for hot and cold water, like clever innovations that we should all embrace. If you ever needed proof that the enemy is mobilising and that there are spies lurking in every conceivable place, including in the pantry behind the gherkins, this is surely it?

Thankfully, there are still forces for good in this world. The eminent newspaper Sydsvenskan informs us that the Swedish public transport company Skånetrafiken is introducing extra fancy toilets on its Pågatågen trains. A survey showed that passengers were dissatisfied with the train toilets, finding them dingy, and Skånetrafiken therefore decided to focus on improving them. "Pimp my toilet" should be a more common phenomenon - Skånetrafiken has pimped one of the train toilets into looking like a royal loo!

We are amused, thrilled and delighted in equal measure!
Image: Ideas / Sydsvenskan

Finally, can we just say how much we fucking detest picnics?

Festive video - The Specials, Too Much Too Young


Related Reading
Our classic post on mansplaining:
On Mansplaining and Monastic Drains

Our classic rant about British taps:
Are You British? Does Tap Sanity Elude You?

More tap-related musings:

Kick-Arse Suffragette Friend: Causing Quite a Stir!

Our epic tap-ranting Toilet Tale:
Terminator Toilet

All posts featuring royal toilets

International Women's Day: "Don't Be a Dick."

Today is International Women's Day! We expect to see you all in town, where we will be engaged in various activities to promote women!

It's funny, this thing about gender equality. As evidenced by Caitlin Moran, equality is really very simple. There are five rules:

1) Women are equal to men.

2) Don't be a dick.

3) That's it.

Nonetheless, people are accidentally being dicks all over the place. No doubt their intentions are noble, but somehow, maps flapping and compasses dangling, some people stumble into dick territory, without even being aware of it. They then lose their bearings completely, and stand around bleating and uttering moronic opinions.

One aspect of this that we have encountered a lot recently, is nice and well-meaning - but woefully ignorant - dudes claiming that the reason there are no women in history books is that "women haven't done anything of relevance, at all, ever, throughout the whole history of the human race". This attitude is more common than you'd think, even among people who have studied history at university level. Personally, we  have been accosted by dudes lost in dick territory about once a week lately. They shout and bluster, and complain about history no longer being "objective" once you start adding "women and opinions". As if history-writing including only white males were objective! As if any history-writing could ever be objective! As you can imagine, this kind of behaviour causes the Privy Counsel to collectively flare its nostrils and breathe fire.

Everyone is of course entitled to their opinion, but if that opinion ignores all the historiographical research  showing that women have, in fact, done lots of things, only traditional history writing tends to ignore them, then we reserve the right to consider people holding that opinion to be dick-territory eejits.

(This might be a good opportunity to review the Mansplaining - When Is It Socially Acceptable? chart.)

Let's have some toilets from a historical setting - Kronborg Castle - and remember all the hordes of powerful women who have kept places like this going! Huh! Having done that, let's get some maps out to all the eejits stumbling around in dick territory!

We went on a lovely day trip to Helsingør last spring, with our favourite aunt, who is also one of our favourite rampant feminist academics, and paid a visit to Hamlet's homestead.

We love grand entrances! Here is the grand entrance to Kronborg Castle.

Are you salivating?
Old iron-studded doors make us salivate.

Ditto charming red doors with old-fashioned handles.

Look! Even Danes can get it right!
This, ladies and gents, is a functioning and environmentally-friendly motion-sensor  mixer tap.
We find this tap reassuring, considering Denmark's many, many tap-related fuck-ups.

Hubba hubba!

WOOF!

We can't get enough of stylish, functioning locks!

Kronborg Castle in all its glory!

We spied this charming old sink (1930s?) in a random stairwell in the castle.
It reminds us, at any rate, of these ones, which are late 1930s.

An excellent window for gazing out of while pondering the wonders of women's history!

Let's have a kick-arse festive video to celebrate International Women's Day!

Festive video - Memphis Minnie, This Is Your Last Chance

Related Reading
A KICK-ARSE CASTLE BUILT BY A KICK-ARSE WOMAN WITH OODLES OF POWER WHO SPENT HER ENTIRE LIFE DOING NOTHING BUT GETTING SHIT DONE AND KICKING ARSE:
Christinehof: A Woman's Er, Bog Is Her, Er, Castle?

Our classic post on mansplaining:
On Mansplaining and Monastic Drains

Our recent musings on people being dicks on the internet:
Some Thoughts on Internet Vitriol. And a Gorgeous, Rose-Scented Toilet.

Other musings on smashing the patriarchy:
Unisex Toilets - This Shit Gets Political

Another important post on our cultural diversity agenda:
Pushing for Cultural Diversity

Our Privy Counsel Pin-Ups are, believe it or not, intended to show diversity and push for gender equality. (Then again there's a lot of Elvis action there, and Elvis is, whichever way you slice him, a white male.)

A post about Denmark's many, many tap-related fuck-ups:
The Hirschsprung Museum, or, Revising the Status of Denmark, or, Feverish Paranoia

Previous posts from Kronborg:
The Royal Toilet at Kronborg: "A Foul and Pestilent Congregation of Vapours."
Festive Things That Are Red

Some of Our Favourite Historical Women, in No Particular Order
Ani Pachen
Jane Gomeldon
Countess Markievicz
Edmonia Lewis
Anna Bugge Wicksell
Karolina Widerström
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu

P.S.
When we get depressed thinking about all the shouting dudes lost in dick territory, we cheer ourselves up by remembering some of our favourite people who are male, educated and terribly, terribly nice, and would never dream of being a dick to anyone:

Bogsley Hansson Friend
Enlightened Friend
German Friend
Intellectual Friend
Obsessive Emmerdale Fan Friend
Semi-Intellectual Friend

Unisex Toilets - This Shit Gets Political

EDITOR'S NOTE. Since writing this post we have changed our position on this issue. Quoting ourselves, here is a summary of our standpoint:

Incidentally we were, as you can see if you go back through our Unisex Toilets label and read older posts (for instance this one), originally in favour of trans inclusivity. Being inclusive seemed to be a matter of human rights; both men and women are at risk of male violence, and if some men who look like women are at an even higher risk of violence, then surely letting them share a toilet with the women makes perfect sense? Unfortunately, however, it's not that simple. It turns out that there are plenty of men (again, not all men) who are prepared to argue that they are trans women in order to gain access to spaces where women are vulnerable, for instance rape crisis centres, domestic violence shelters, changing rooms and, yes, toilets. Robbing women of the right to banish men from women-only spaces renders them powerless to protect themselves against male violence.

In one of our first posts about unisex toilets, we gave expression to our fear of being trapped in an enclosed space with strange men by flippantly describing the bearded hipsters crowding the sink. We have since had cause to drop the flippancy. We empathise with trans women and -men, but fail to see why supporting them must endanger women. 

A longer read defining our position is available here:
Halloween 2018: Raped and Murdered Women, and Statistics. It Doesn't Get Scarier Than This.

We are furious. And sad. And fed up. But mostly furious.

We had a spirited debate with Tudor Friend last night, as a consequence of us having been to the pub with the unisex toilet full of bearded hipster dudes again, only this time the problem wasn't hipster dudes but middle-aged businessmen in grey polyester suits.

Let us explain why we feel so strongly about this issue.

Unisex toilets seem to have become a trend, and it’s leading to sheer bloody misery. The ladies’ toilet is a sacred space – a place where one can take refuge from the male gaze, and rest one’s ears if they have been exposed to an assault of mansplaining. In the ladies’, one can adjust one’s bra, pull up the crotch of one’s tights, check one’s teeth for spinach, and top up one’s eyeliner, in a safe, women-only environment.

Bar owners who impose unisex toilets are depriving women of these essential comforts. Once introduce a space where bearded hipster dudes in denim shirts are hogging the space in front of the sink, and you have set the cause of gender equality back a hundred years.

The ladies’ toilets provide a kind of environment that isn’t usually afforded women in public spaces. Women are accustomed to having their integrity violated – to being sized up, judged, verbally assaulted, and even pinched, grabbed, and smacked. The women’s toilets can be the one place where one can catch one’s breath, enjoy a few moments of stillness, and put one’s brave face back on.

We're not in favour of gender segregation per se, but we can see no possible advantage to unisex toilets.

Or rather, we couldn't, until Tudor Friend showed us this article, from Slate. Don't read it if you're already sad. It shocked us to the core. We like to think that we're cynical, tough-as-nails people at the Counsel, hardened to every expression of human iniquity. But damn it if we weren't unnerved by the sheer sadism of the Florida legislators who want to make it illegal for transgender people to use a toilet that doesn't match their biological sex. As Jezebel reports, a bill titled "Single-Sex Public Facilities" was filed by Florida Republican State Rep. Frank Artiles, under the guise of preventing "criminals, sexual deviants and sexual predators" from harassing women.

Introducing unisex toilets could prevent people like Frank Artiles from harassing transgender people. But so could common-sense legislators, by showing Artiles's bill the scorn it deserves, and shoving it into the bin where it belongs.

We're still not in favour of unisex toilets. But we reiterate that We don't care what a lady is packing under her dress - if she identifies as a woman, then we want to be sharing a toilet with her, and not with fifteen hipster dudes in beards and denim shirts, smiling awkwardly.

We welcome all transgender women to the sisterhood, and look forward to sharing many toilets with them in the future - if they want to! And we're confident that our many excellent male friends feel the same about transgender men.

Now, let's look at some awesome toilets from an excellent bar we went to recently, which manage to be both inclusive and segregated. These, ladies and gentlemen (of whichever biological sex), are from Bee bar in Malmö.

The gents' toilet, flanked by Audrey Hepburn. So far, so good.

The ladies'. Complete with notice advertising ladies' evening.

Also, a unisex toilet! With its own noise-insulating door!

There is a communal sink available for all...

...but each toilet also has its own sink, ensuring privacy for all who wish it.
There's soap and paper towels from Tork.
We love this so much!

Stylish, disability-friendly toilet, covered bin, covered loo-roll holder. And a ventilation grille!
We gibber with joy.

The door is sturdy and has a reassuring lock. This kind of door makes a girl (or boy, or whatever) feel safe.

There is also a royally cool coat hook!

Glam!

AT THIS POINT WE COULD BARELY CONTAIN OUR DELIGHT.
THERE'S A VENTILATION DUCT!
AND THE WALLS ARE FUCKING SPARKLY!!!!

Bee Bar
Södra Förstadsgatan 36, Malmö

http://www.beebar.se/malmo/

Seriously, people. Toilets don't get better than this.

Let's have a festive video and encourage all our friends to fight for the rights of the transgender community!

Festive video - I Will Survive from The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, performed by Terence Stamp, Hugo Weaving & Guy Pearce

Related Reading
Our first rant about unisex toilets:
Hungover Ranting: Festschrift to Medievalist (With a Side-Interest in Roman Archaeology) Friend

Continued ranting: The Screaming Bloody Horror That Is Unisex Toilets

Another Malmö pub toilet with a fab chandelier: Rocking, Rolling, Ranting

Sometimes, the only thing that makes everything better is thinking about Caitlin Moran. All posts about Caitlin Moran.

There Is Too Much Going On. This Blog Post Will Probably Give You a Migraine.

Following the dramatic reduction in mansplaining levels after our recent rant*, we had intended to spend some time indulging in the kind of hardcore intellectual pursuits which we complained the other day that we were prevented from getting down to, due to being permanently pissed off, because of all the mansplaining. But, as is often the way, we received word of a most exciting cleanliness campaign in India, the festiveness levels of which caused us to yearn, ache and long for tending to our beloved blog.

In a drive called Swachh Bharat Abhiyan, efforts are being made to improve sanitation in India. As anyone who has ever inhaled the smell of sewage, coming from what is supposed to be a river, knows, this is a really, really, really good idea. According to one source,

A United Nations report in May said half of India's population still practises open defecation - putting them at risk of cholera, diarrhoea, dysentery, hepatitis A and typhoid. The resulting diseases and deaths cause major economic losses, and a World Bank report in 2006 estimated that India was losing 6.4 percent of GDP annually because of poor access to sanitation.

Another source tells us that "At least 30 lakh [Editor's comment: that is, if we remember rightly, three million] central government employees working across the country and hundreds of school and college students will take the pledge of cleanliness at different functions". If you've had a rough day and need cheering up, have a look at these pictures, from the Times of India, of said government employees doing just that! We're not sure what the brooms are supposed to accomplish, but you can't deny that any effort to improve sanitation in "the subcontinent" (as India is always, irritatingly, called whenever a journalist needs a synonym for "India" and can't think of one) is worthy of a massive HURRAH!

One Indian administrative officer has reportedly cleaned his office every day since 1993. Every day. Since 1993. You can imagine how clean it must be! This sign, outside his office, purportedly provides information on how often the dude cleans his office, and how long he has been doing it for.

*Said reduction in mansplaining could also be due to the fact that we have been too busy to actually talk to anyone.

We could have ended this blog post here, but why should we?  Remember Exuberant Archaeologist Friend's spirited account from Rome? Let's have more of that! (Also, we know that several of our friends are eager to improve their Scandiwegian, and we reckon this is a golden opportunity for them to brush up on their colloquial Swedish.)

Här är nästa skörd:

De första är från de kapitolinska museerna. Det saknades toalettring på ALLA toaletter. Fanns inga krokar, så det var tur att [min man] var med och kunde hålla grejerna. Tvålet var bra, luktade supergott. Det verkar som att de lagt alla pengar på väldoftande tvål istället för på toalettringar. Skabbigt deluxe.

(Here is the next crop: 

The first ones are from the Capitoline Museums. There were no seats on ANY of the toilets. There were no coat hooks, so it was lucky that [my husband] was there and could hold all my stuff. The soap was good; it smelled really nice. It seems they spent the entire budget on fragrant soap instead of toilet seats. Minging deluxe.)

We like these taps, but this kind of modern basin gives us the shivers:
surely it makes it really hard for the cleaners?

We usually reason, pragmatically, that a toilet that HAS NO FUCKING SEAT is actually more hygienic,
as the surface which can be dirtied is smaller.
It is still no pleasure having to use a toilet with NO FUCKING SEAT, though, obviously.

Oh, dear. A pipe disappearing into the wall?
We're stupendously glad that we won't be around when this set-up, inevitably, goes to shit and has to be repaired.

Nästa är från ett kafé vid Piazza Navona; Tre Scalini. Jämfört med alla andra toaletter i Rom så var detta ett högteknologiskt tempel. OCH DET FANNS EN RING!! Dessutom reste den sig automatiskt när man ställt sig upp och sprutade sedan ut sanitetsvätska på ringen**. Utmärkt. Tvålet luktade gott. Detta var den klart bästa toaletten.

Mer följer!

(The next set of pictures is from a café at the Piazza Navona, Tre Scalini. Compared to all the other toilets in Rome, this was a temple of high-tech. AND THERE WAS A SEAT!! Also, it was folded up automatically when you got up, and sanitiser was sprayed onto the seat**. Excellent. The soap smelled nice. This was totally the best toilet. 

There is more coming!)

**Because we weren't sure how this worked, we asked for clarification, and were given the following explanation:

Sanitetsvätskan sprutades lite snett uppåt så att det skulle typ falla ner på ringen när den rest sig. Vätskan kom från den delen av toaletten där spolknappen skulle ha suttit om det varit EN NORMAL TOALETT!

(The sanitiser was sprayed sideways upwards, in order to fall onto the seat when it had been folded up. The fluid came from the part of the toilet where the flush button would normally be, if it had been A NORMAL TOILET!)

The toilets in the Tre Scalini café in Rome: laudably hygienic!

WE LOVE TOILET SIGNAGE CLARITY

There is no hot water, but on the other hand there is no non-mixer tap insanity happening, either.

Another pipe in the wall.

These instructions are very, very clear.

We bloody love covered tissue!

Did the mention of the Piazza Navona set off a bell in our head? Did it ever? Bridget Jones is a label on this blog, after all, so here, for your reading pleasure, is an extract from The Edge of Reason (as in the book, obviously. The film, as every right-thinking person knows, doesn't count):

"Hello, Bridget, this is Colin Firth." We all jumped a foot backwards. It was Mr Darcy. The same posh, deep, can't-be-bothered voice that he proposed to Elizabeth Bennet in on the BBC. Bridget. Me. Mr Darcy said Bridget. On my answerphone.
"I gather you're coming to Rome to interview me on Monday," he went on. "I was calling to arrange somewhere to meet. There's a square called the Piazza Navona, sort of easy place to find in a taxi. I'll meet you about 4.30 by the fountain. Have a safe journey."
"1471, 1471," gabbled Jude, "1471, quick, quick. No, get the tape out, get the tape out!"
"Call him back," screamed Sharon like an SS torturer. "Call him back and ask him to meet you in the fountain. OhmyGod."
The phone had rung again, we stood there rigid, mouths open. Then Tom's voice boomed out, "Hello, you pretty little things, it's Mr Darcy here just calling to see if anyone could help me out of this wet shirt."

(Helen Fielding, The Edge of Reason. London: Picador, 1999, 159-160)

We reckon this is as good a time as any to revisit the wet-shirt-scene from Pride and Prejudice.

Festive video: Pride and Prejudice, wet-shirt-scene


Related Reading
A Mr Darcy Pin-Up: It Is Tolerable, We Suppose - A Privy Counsel Pick-Me-Up
And another one: Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Colin Firth
All previous Bridget Jones-related posts
All posts from India
All posts from Italy
Up in the Air - Introducing Exuberant Archaeologist Friend
More information on why sanitation is so important:
Good Deeds
Oxfam Build a Bog

On Mansplaining and Monastic Drains

It is EXHAUSTING.

Have you noticed it, too? The never-ending shit-stream of mansplanatory comments!

Don't know what we're talking about? Believe us, if you have visited a social media site in the last decade or so, you will have seen it. Mansplaining - it's in the media, it's in academia, it's in politics, it's goddamn everywhere.
Where is all this coming from? you might be asking yourself, scratching your hairy belly under your string vest, and belching. This is fucking annoying - when I come home I want my dinner on the table, a beer in my hand and my favourite bog blog to be about toilets, you might continue, turning the TV up louder to hear the sports. We're all equal now anyway, and blogs purporting to discuss toilets shouldn't be bothering me with rampant feminism, you might conclude, affectionately stroking your testosterone-fuelled ear hair.

The point is, it is EXHAUSTING. Mansplaining makes us angry, and being angry takes up useful time, which we would have liked to devote to other useful activities, like teaching, or studying, or writing interesting blog posts about toilets. Instead, we are having to listen to dudes explaining things we already know, because they blithely assume us to be a) ignorant and b) desperate for enlightenment from this particular God's gift to womanhood. (This doesn't happen to just ladies, by the way - we have it on good authority that men get mansplained to, as well. But, in the words of Rebeccca Solnit, "the out-and-out confrontational confidence of the totally ignorant is, in my experience, gendered".)

It is EXHAUSTING, trying to decide how to react, when one is being mansplained at. Our favoured response to people who annoy us is to ignore them. Our attention and devotion are liberally bestowed on people we like, but the rude, the boorish and the ignorant do not deserve it. However, while ignoring bad behaviour is a useful strategy when training dogs, it doesn't usually work on mansplainers. The mansplainer dude tends, in our experience, to interpret silence as a sign of his triumph. Unbe-fucking-lievable, right? But that is how the mansplainer psyche works: if you don't respond, he will take it as submission.
The obvious solution is to inform the offending mansplainer of his ignorance. To say, "Dude, we already know. Shut the hell up". But - and here is the crux - that would be rude!
For good or bad, we have been brought up to believe that to expose another person's ignorance is the height of rudeness.
Isn't it bad enough to be ignorant, without having it rubbed in your face by people who know better? Such is the attitude taught us by our kind and ladylike mother. Hence, we expend time and energy protecting the mansplainers from the knowledge of their own ignorance.
Is that ever fucked up? you ask, doing a Google search for a decent feminist blog. Yeah. It totally fucking is.

It is EXHAUSTING, being furious and exasperated. We wish that certain dudes would realise that WE ALREADY KNOW what they are about to say. And that, even if we didn't, it would be courteous of them to not assume that we don't know. And to not ram un-asked-for information down our throat.
Hence, in order to promote non-mansplaining, yet without hurting the feelings of any mansplainers (who may, for all we know, be totally ignorant not only of their ignorance but of their offensive mansplaining habits. In fact, we suspect that some rampant mansplainers believe themselves to be chivalrous in their attitude to the gentler sex. They genuinely have no idea that the reason the womenfolk fall silent when the dudes start explaining things isn't that the dear things are flabbergasted by the dudes' good looks and charm, but that the little ladies are overcome by seething irritation, and are literally biting their tongues in order not to scream with frustration), we created a chart to clarify when mansplaining is socially acceptable, and when it isn't. Enjoy:

Ever wonder when mansplaining is socially acceptable? Find out using this simple infographic!

Having got that off our chest, let us enjoy some soothing toilet photos! These are from our archive, into which we bravely ventured, having listened at the door and determined that the pheasantry had quietened down and most likely retired for the night.
The location is a delightful café in Malmö called Lilla Kafferosteriet. These pictures are probably a couple of years old at least, from when we met up with a very dear friend in Malmö, but actually we went to Kafferosteriet with another dear friend just the other week, and spent a delightful afternoon plotting plans to destroy the patriarchy.

Old-fashioned light switches calm us right the fuck down.

Old-fashioned door-handles, too, are instantly soothing.

If lovely soap had the power to smash the patriarchy, this one, from Bliw, would totally do it.

This toilet-bin combo is totally not offensive in any way at all,
which we find immensely invigorating after all the mansplaining bullshit.

Hygienically covered bog roll - this soothes our soul and takes our mind off the offensive eejits of the world!

Pictures of coffee farmers attached to a fairtrade cooperative
are a delight to contemplate, and provide happier food for thought.

Finally, let us alert you to the existence of our friend Jane's hugely enjoyable blog, cleverly named Temple of Janus - it's got some EXCELLENT monastic drains! Jane is one of the most rampantly intellectual, brainy and amusing people we know, and yet has never been guilty of mansplaining anything to anyone. We love Jane to distraction, and not only because she once referred to our humble blog as "literally the best thing you will ever read on the internet".

Also, let's have a festive video, to take away the bitter taste of all the mansplaining!

Festive video - Wanda Jackson, Hard-Headed Woman

Related Reading
Jane's totally rad blog: Temple of Janus
Our own forage into the murky world of monastic drains (not half so learned as Jane's):
A Draining Matter
All our posts on gender equality
All posts about Shewee Fiend Friend, one of our favourite feminist academics
All posts about Caitlin Moran, a feminist we love so much it hurts

Some of our favourite people of the male sex, who are frightfully clever and knowledgeable, yet would never dream of mansplaining anything to anyone:
Intellectual Friend
Semi-Intellectual Friend
German Friend
Obsessive Emmerdale Fan Friend