In terms of literary devices we're big, as all regular readers are aware, on themes here at the Privy Counsel. One of our main themes, after plumbing-horror-induced handwringing and unstructured ranting, is friendship. (Please note however that Jonny counts as a friend for administrative reasons only.) We have had occasion to note recently that true friends are those who make it a point of honour to take the piss out of one whatever one happens to be doing, whether one is of sound mind or not, and indeed irrespective of whether one happens to be suffering from acute gastric distress due to ingesting too many weird pink shots in a godforsaken prairie bar.
The concept of constructive criticism gets a bad press in these times of cancel culture and groupthink. However, telling people when they're wrong is crucial to maintaining public order and a civilised society. Ponder this very bog blog, for instance. How many plumbing heathens have we converted to the true faith by gently yet inexorably pointing out the horrors of separated taps, doors with large scary gaps, and sticky spots on the floor? Well, we haven't strictly counted them, but there are quite a few people by now who send us weird photos.
The concept of constructive criticism gets a bad press in these times of cancel culture and groupthink. However, telling people when they're wrong is crucial to maintaining public order and a civilised society. Ponder this very bog blog, for instance. How many plumbing heathens have we converted to the true faith by gently yet inexorably pointing out the horrors of separated taps, doors with large scary gaps, and sticky spots on the floor? Well, we haven't strictly counted them, but there are quite a few people by now who send us weird photos.
Constructive criticism, however, presupposes the ability to hold unusual or unpopular beliefs. If one were, for instance, to repress all mention of hanging bog rolls arse-backwards, one would never, if one is to believe John Stuart Mill, have the pleasure of insufferable smugness in a heated debate about toilet roll orientation. Now obviously, on this subject, there is only one possible position, morally as well as intellectually. However, it is only when heterodox views are tolerated that one gets to hear ideas which, though ludicrous, may be challenging and inspirational. Moreover, it is only when dissent is encouraged that one gets to hear valid critique of one's own delusional notions - which, however smug one may be feeling in the moment, may be constructive in the long run. If, for instance, one happens to have spent - to pick an example at random - all of 2015, 2016 and 2017, most of 2018, and possibly even parts of 2019, perving on Justin Trudeau, it does feel better, when he goes full-on tin-pot dictator in 2022, to know that Shewee Fiend Friend spent all those years regularly informing one that one was being an arse.
As Aristotle probably said, we disapprove of your awful non-mixer taps but would suffer mild burn injuries for your right to keep constructing them. Thus, when people whose judgement we for some reason still trust insist on hanging toilet rolls back to front, we resist the urge to call for their heads to be cut off. Instead we graciously tolerate their aberrations, taking great pleasure in our own magnanimity, and encourage them to send us toilet photos, in the hope that they will one day see the light.
On the subject of toilet photos, we received these from Shewee Fiend Friend, who wrote:
I was in a prize winning public loo tonight
I was in this restaurant for a [information redacted for the sake of public decency]
So that was weird. I only have very broken stressed memories of that night
I think it checks all the boxes
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| Resting being one of our favourite activities, we heartily approve of this piece of furniture, so charmingly named, by those quaint North Americans, a fainting couch. |
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| One of our top five activities is almost seeing people. |
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| Behold! The reassuring sight of spare loo rolls! Rejoice, for there may be some hope, however small, for mankind after all. |
These toilets can be found at the Sauce Italian Kitchen & Market in Calgary - queen of Canadian cities - and made the top five list in the Canada's Best Restroom competition in 2016, as reported by CBC.
I couldn’t hear anyone else peeing though two other ladies were while I was in there
It has everything you could want. Floor to ceiling doors, solid hooks, pompous art and a fainting couch
I guess they were just nominated. Still, top 5!
The gas station won that year
Speaking of gas stations, Jonny - everyone's favourite Toilet Babe - has also been in touch with some photos. "I hope you're ready for this," he wrote.
Reader, we were not ready!
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| Is Jonny the Marlon Brando of toilet selfies? |
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| This is supposed to be a hygienic seat. We keep getting distracted by the sticky spot on the floor, however, and find ourselves unable to concentrate on the alleged hygiene. Does one hear echoes of Edgar Allan Poe? |
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| We are always in favour of not touching things, and heartily approve this door! It reminds us of that time we went to hear - and also see - Caitlin Moran in Copenhagen in 2016. |
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| Other things we are in favour of are helpful signage and clear instructions. |
For anyone who finds him- or herself straining at the leash to use these facilities, they can be found at the Toddington motorway services.
If your heart yearns rather for Terminator-level toilet horror, you may appreciate this piece of satire from McSweeney's, sent to us by Tudor Friend.
Let there be a Festive Video.
Festive Video - Sarah Shook and the Disarmers, No Mistakes
Related Reading
All posts featuring Shewee Fiend Friend
All posts featuring Jonny
All posts featuring Tudor Friend
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