Friday, 30 March 2012

Dracula: Sinister Gurglings

Jonathan Harker is as keen a tourist as ever an English gentleman was. Being a journalist, he is lucky enough to get to travel for work, and is most excited to go Transylvania
to write an article for The Plumb Pudding, a plumbing journal.

Count Dracula is a famous connoisseur of fine plumbing, and graciously invites Harker to stay at Castle Dracula. However, there are strange goings-on at the castle.
The taps are foreign and sinister, and gurgle in a most disturbing manner.

Meanwhile, back in London, Lucy Westenra, the friend of Harker's fiancée, gets engaged to Lord Godalming, and shortly thereafter develops suspiciously long teeth and an unnatural aversion to garlic.
Nobody finds this remarkable.

Lucy dies, and starts stalking Highgate Cemetary and doing rude things to children. Rather a bore, what what - can't have that sort of thing. Godalming, together with a couple of Lucy's ex-boyfriends
and some dude named van Helsing, break into her crypt.
In a very Freudian scene, they thrust a stake into her heart, and cut off her head and fill it with garlic.

Harker, van Helsing and the other dudes hunt Dracula down and silence his gurglings forever.


  1. Thank God (or the Spagetti Monster,) they got him!

  2. Yes, this evil scourge has now been wiped out forever. (Or until the next vampire story).


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