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| After a horrid childhood spent being cold and miserable and eating boiled vegetables, Jane Eyre comes to Thornfield Hall to be governess to Mr Rochester's ward. The plumbing is so-so but the views are magnificent. |
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| Jane and Rochester fancy each other right from the start but spend a lot of time being starched and Victorian. One night, however, Jane suggestively saves Rochester's life when his bed mysteriously catches fire. The flames of passion are hot, hot, hot, as are the bed curtains. Jane's dress is wet, wet, wet. |
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| Finally, during a climactic thunderstorm, Rochester gets round to proposing to his chaste and timid governess. Their love blooms like a wild, exotic flower on the bleak Yorkshire moors. |
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| Unfortunately, it turns out that Rochester is already married, having locked up his mad wife in the attic. Jane figures this augurs badly for her chances of marital happiness, and runs away. |
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| She nearly starves to death, but is taken in by an aspiring missionary by the name of St John Rivers. St John asks Jane to marry him and go to India to convert heathens by the dozen. |
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| Jane agrees, and her Hindi studies are progressing nicely when she is interrupted by Mr Rochester callling her in a dream. "Jane!" he calls. |
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| Jane reckons she doesn't want to be a missionary any more. She finds Mr Rochester, who is disfigured and blind. His voice, however - that deep, vibrating timbre - is unchanged. He says his wife is dead. Jane finally becomes Mrs Rochester, and like any god-fearing Victorian couple Jane and Rochester have several children. |
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