Tuesday, 19 August 2014

We Clutch Desperately at Straws, and Try to Cheer Everyone Up with One of Jonny's Pictures

Knowing that all our readers are currently in a frenzy, desperate for an update on our current fucked-up situation - which we have been, to use an established word in a transferred sense, vaguebooking about, with a certain admirable chutzpah, for some time now* - we hasten to enlighten you.

Absolutely fuck-all has happened. The situation is still deplorable. There.

Still, even desperately fucked-up situations can bring about bright spots on the horizon. One such bright spot is that we get to embark on an adventure - more on this later. Another fantastic perk is that declarations of sympathy from our general acquaintance have been pretty much unilaterally accompanied by offers of sending toilet photos! We normally receive ample amounts of photos even when things are going well, and now that everything is monumentally fucked up, the offers have multiplied! So there's a reason to stop feeling sorry for oneself and harden the fuck up, right there.

In order to cheer ourselves up and not be guilty of dragging our friends - many of whom are very pleasant people - down with us into the dragon's lair of depression, we once again risked our eyesight (read all about the pheasant situation here) by making a daring raid into the Privy Counsel archive. (We care deeply about our friends and don't want to distress them either with unrestrained pessimism or excessive optimism.) There, in the dank and gloomy vaults, we found a supremely festive picture from Jonny, which has inexplicably lain untouched since September last year. (Jonny, on the other hand, has demonstrably not lain untouched, in any sense of the word - our thoughtful lonely hearts ad on his behalf reportedly generated a roaring response.)

As a bonus, you also get some thrilling epistolary action, involving Jonny, the Privy Counsel, and Medievalist (with a Side Interest in Roman Archaeology) Friend!

Jonny: There is a mixer tap behind the bike. Also the option of split taps for us stupid English people. Yeah, interviewing a pro BMX-er. I'll ask him about toilets. "So, what's your favourite part of the Privy Counsel?" "Probably the royal we."
The Privy Counsellor: Ask him how often he washes his hands, while leering and winking. 
Medievalist (with a Side Interest in Roman Archaeology) Friend: Dirty. DIRTY!  
Jonny: Please don't use my professional work as an excuse to get your kicks.

Jonny's tiny bike and an amazing double set of taps!

*for instance here and here.

Time for a festive video! In the Pistol Annies' own words:
This is for everybody who's barely gettin' by.

Festive video - Pistol Annies, Lemon Drop

Related Reading
Jonny's finest hour:
Jonny and a Public Toilet - A Treat for Single Ladies
Another festive contribution from Jonny:
The Comfort of the Familiar - Life, Jonny, and Everything
A totally disgusting contribution from Jonny:
What Goes Around, Comes Around
Medievalist (with a Side Interest in Archaeology) Friend's finest hour:
Roaring Good Roman Fun
Challenge - see if you can spot the Pistol Annies in this festive Toilet Tale:
A Rootin', Tootin Toilet Tale
One of the Pistol Annies, Angaleena Presley, features in a Toilet Song post:
Toilet Song - Pain Pills

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