Thursday, 14 May 2015

Fifty Shades of Bullshit: Fastidious Thoughts

That's quite enough now, thank you.

Surely there is a legal limit to how much bullshit one person can be subjected to in the space of a week? The misogynists in our life reach ever new heights of idiocy; the mansplainers are collectively suffering from a verbal diarrhoea so virulent that we worry they might have cholera; the SEO spammers keep ignoring the notice we've inserted at the bottom of this blog instructing them to go away lest we taunt them again; and an outrageous article has caused us to splutter, choke on our tea, and huff in indignation. Let's deal with these issues one at a time.

The misogynists we are choosing to ignore. The well-meaning mansplainers we are mentally patting on the head in a patronising manner, and the asinine ones we are mentally pushing out the window (there is a very satisfying thud as they hit the pavement).

We've been receiving some very sweet SEO spam comments, from people who have evidently made an effort with their prose - one even went so far as to attempt to write to us in Google-translated German! (No doubt this was inspired by our recent foray into the trendy Kreuzberg district of Berlin, accompanied by some seriously edgy rampant feminist rapping - they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.) Let's have a look at a couple of the best ones. The first SEO-spam comment says:

г [sic]
First оf all I would like tо say wonderful blog!
I hаd a quick question tҺat ӏ'd like tо aѕk if yoս don't mind.
I was interesteԀ to know hoԝ you center yourself ɑnd clear уour
head prior to writing. Ι Һave hɑd difficulty clearing my mind іn gеtting mү tҺoughts out.
I do enjoy writing ɦowever іt ʝust ѕeems likе the first 10 tߋ
15 minutеs are սsually wasted just trуing to figure out how to bеgin. Any recommendations or hints?
Ӊere is mу site [link omitted]
The flattering suggestion that our head is "clear" while writing causes us to gibber incoherently.

The second really sweet SEO-spam comment reads:

Hеllo it's me, I am alsо visiting thiѕ web page regularly, tɦis site is trulү gоod and tɦе people are rеally sharing fastidious tҺoughts.

Mƴ web blog [sic] [link omitted]

Fastidious thoughts! We take this as a compliment to the collective intellect of our friends, and move on.

Now for some ranting! We came across an insane article (in the Huffington Post, which should surely know better?), entitled "4 [sic] Genius Gadgets In British Homes That Americans Should Borrow".

We know, right?!

[let's pause here while you all get your breath back and clutch your head after - it's ok, we just did the same thing - banging it against the wall]

The article presents common rage-inducing expressions of lunacy like there being no electrical socket in the bathroom, and there being separate taps for hot and cold water, like clever innovations that we should all embrace. If you ever needed proof that the enemy is mobilising and that there are spies lurking in every conceivable place, including in the pantry behind the gherkins, this is surely it?

Thankfully, there are still forces for good in this world. The eminent newspaper Sydsvenskan informs us that the Swedish public transport company Skånetrafiken is introducing extra fancy toilets on its Pågatågen trains. A survey showed that passengers were dissatisfied with the train toilets, finding them dingy, and Skånetrafiken therefore decided to focus on improving them. "Pimp my toilet" should be a more common phenomenon - Skånetrafiken has pimped one of the train toilets into looking like a royal loo!

We are amused, thrilled and delighted in equal measure!
Image: Ideas / Sydsvenskan

Finally, can we just say how much we fucking detest picnics?

Festive video - The Specials, Too Much Too Young

Related Reading
Our classic post on mansplaining:
On Mansplaining and Monastic Drains

Our classic rant about British taps:
Are You British? Does Tap Sanity Elude You?

More tap-related musings:
Kick-Arse Suffragette Friend: Causing Quite a Stir!

Our epic tap-ranting Toilet Tale:
Terminator Toilet

All posts featuring royal toilets

1 comment:

  1. Please note that we don't post SEO spam comments, so don't waste time trying to leave any. Spend your time drinking tea, or frolicking with baby animals, instead. Have a good day.


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