Knitting-Pattern Good Looks: A Very Handsome Toilet

In our last update we mentioned toilet-related crafts, specifically toilet-paper origami. Canadian Friend went one step further and KNITTED A TOILET. This is, apparently, Flushie the Toilet and Professor Plunger (knitting instructions here).

Gobsmacking: A knitted toilet. And plunger.

Our jaw has dropped so far we resemble nothing so much as a slack-jawed yokel: we are awed to the point of speechlessness.

Respect, Canadian Friend!

An Extra Crafty Update

Today we are managing the feat of being simultaneously stunned and delighted. After a busy week involving, in staggering and really quite inordinate quantities, superglue, dogs eating plastic, and the reincarnation of Patrick Swayze, we finally have leisure to scan the toilet horizon. A comment from "Plumbing" alerted us to the existence of something we were only aware of in the very vaguest sense: "Toilet paper origami is the origami-style folding of toilet paper. Includes the folding while still on the toilet roll." While we have briefly touched on this subject in a previous blog update, we didn't realise that it was possible to take it to quite such dizzying heights! Intrigued, we did some scouring of the internet and found this website:

http://www.origami-resource-center.com/toilet-paper-origami.html

Luckily for those of us who are all thumbs, you can get easily accessible instructions. Image from baronbob.com

  In case you're feeling inclined towards arts and crafts this Christmas, why not indulge in some toilet paper origami! Here's something to aspire to:

Most impressive! Image from pandaraoke.deviantart.com

Or, if you're feeling matrimonially-minded, why not make yourself a toilet-paper wedding dress? We couldn't applaud this more heartily if we tried.

What do Gone with the Wind, origami, and toilet paper have in common? This! Image from http://manolobrides.com/2009/07/03/toilet-paper-has-never-looked-this-good/

Toilets! Huh! What Are They Good for?

 For various reasons to do with the obsessions of a close acquaintance, we end up reading a lot of soldiers'  autobiographies and war accounts. We have quoted Andy McNab, that stalwart of the ex-soldier action thriller, on the odd occasion, and have furthermore done one or two reports on military bogs. Today, however, we up the ante by giving you photos of genuine field toilets, not those pansy-arse, toilet-paper-providing garrison toilets!

As much as we'd love to be able to travel to Afghanistan to give you an in-depth report on toilet conditions there, we will have to content ourselves, for the moment, with viewing them by proxy. We came across a most interesting book called Infidel (London: Chris Boot Ltd, 2010) by Tim Hetherington, a photojournalist. Hetherington spent time with the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team of the U. S. Army in Korengal Valley, Afghanistan, in 2007 and 2008, making a documentary called Restrepo.

He says,

"Burning the poop" was even more unpleasant than actually having to use the "shitter". During the summer, when temperatures in the valley could soar, I'd often avoid having to use the facility for as long as humanly possible. Eventually, lower-ranking soldiers would be assigned the task of stirring and burning the tank when it was full. (p. 236)

The shitter

"'Piss tubes' at the main Kerengal outpost" (p. 236)

 We also, for the same various reasons to do with the obsessions of a close acquaintance, recently watched the Ross Kemp Afghanistan documentary. We recall one of the soldiers saying, when asked what he would miss most on going to war: "Bog roll. A nice bog to sit on."

Tap into Pain

 A most interesting book came our way recently. It is called Pain: The Science of Suffering, and is written by Patrick Wall (London: Weidenfeld &Nicolson, 1999). An interesting chapter refers to pain thresholds. Making the point that pain thresholds are higher for experiences with which we are familiar, Wall says,

A very careful Canadian study [...] showed that women had a higher treshold for heat pain whereas men had a higher threshold for electric shocks. In our society, women have far more experience of handling hot plates with apparent impunity while men, with their enthusiastic fiddling with car engines and electrical gadgets, are usually familiar with tingling or stabbing electric shocks. (p. 68)

The dangers of separate taps are manifold

While we don't actually know any men who habitually fiddle with car engines or expose themselves to electric shocks, this resonated with us because we find that, since taking up residence in Britain, we have become far more tolerant to scalding hot water than we were formerly. The bewildering, inexplicable insistence on separate taps in this country means that one becomes used to doing the dishes or washing one's hands under the hot water tap, scalding oneself in the process. This is all the more frustrating because we have noticed that disabled toilets usually have mixer taps, often even functioning ones. How come it's possible to install mixer taps (often functioning) in disabled toilets, but not in ordinary bathrooms and kitchens?

An old favourite: the mixer tap in the disabled toilet at Catterick Garrison; read more about it here

 To calm ourselves down and stop ourselves from frothing at the mouth with frustration, we add a calming picture of Crown Prince Frederik and  Crown Princess Mary of Denmark enjoying some art. Mixer-tap art.

At the Sculptures by the Sea exhibition in Sydney.
(If you like this, you might enjoy our other toilet-related royals; see them here and here.)

Related Reading
A Note on Desperate Measures 
Mixer Taps - The Great Controversy, or, When Will Britain Enter the 21st Century?, or, You Are Not Alone! 
Are You British? Does Tap Sanity Elude You?
The History of Plumbing: A Recap 
Terminator Toilet

The Privy Counsel Helpfully Sort Out Christmas!

The end of November is approaching way, way, way too fast. December is hurtling towards us at an alarming speed, and will soon hit us smack in the face with enforced jollity, family members we'd rather avoid, and alarming weight gain. Bet you're sitting there wishing you could just hibernate, or at least emigrate to the Bahamas for the winter, and wondering what in the name of all that is saintly you're going to give Uncle Darren and Auntie Ruth for Christmas!

Well, you needn't worry any more - we at the Privy Counsel are friendly, benevolent sort of people, and have helpfully sorted out Christmas for you! Here's how:

World Toilet Day inspired us! We got quite carried away reading the Oxfam Unwrapped leaflet, and thought we'd share som good deeds and happy news with you, in anticipation of Christmas.
If you're from York you can pat yourself on the back and award yourself a biscuit, since the good burghers of this town are among the top ten cities in the UK for buying Unwrapped gifts. Plenty of bogs have been built thanks to York - well done! (Read all about it, and see the dudes in the fancy chains, in The Press.)

We're all for hygiene, and thought the story of Kolisara in Nepal was inspiring!

Read more about Kolisara here

 As we mentioned yesterday, clean water and hygienic toilets really are crucial in the fight against poverty. An easy way to give both the planet and a plumbing-less person a helping hand is to eschew buying that bubble-bath giftbox and reindeer tie, and give somebody an Unwrapped gift for Christmas instead. As we may have mentioned already, our favourites include the Build a Bog and the Safe Water for Ten People gifts, but we thought we'd highlight a few more today, for you to mull over!

We may have posted one or two rants about toilet paper in the past. To make up for all that environmentally hostile, bleached, scented bog roll, why not Save Trees!

Hygeia keeps butting in, wringing her hands about handwashing. To help her struggle, buy someone a Hygiene Kit, or Hygiene Hints!

What good is a hygiene kit when you have no water to wash in? Fix a Well or Drill a Borehole and give someone the gift of safe water!

Last but not least, if you have so much money you just don't know what to do with it, buy a Water Tank! A bargain at £3,214.

There you go, Christmas sorted!

World Toilet Day 2011: Taking Our Baths and Our Women

Hooray, hooray, today is World Toilet Day!

Toilets and sanitation are very important, and, believe it or not, lacking in large parts of the world. Taps and toilets save lives! Today we'll be illustrating what happens when you mess around with sanitation.

A Jorvik Viking toilet. Read more about Viking hygiene in Jorvik here

We're feeling not only sanitarily minded but also ever so slightly intellectual today, and so we've decided to treat you all to a riveting story about a Viking toilet feud in 10th-11th-century Iceland! Below are a couple of extracts from chapters 4 and 9 of Eyrbyggja saga, the saga of the people of Eyrr, first in Icelandic, then the English translation. Both versions are from the Icelandic Saga Database.

Chapter 4

Þórólfur kallaði Þórsnes milli Vigrafjarðar og Hofsvogs. Í því nesi stendur eitt fjall. Á því fjalli hafði Þórólfur svo mikinn átrúnað að þangað skyldi engi maður óþveginn líta og engu skyldi tortíma í fjallinu, hvorki fé né mönnum, nema sjálft gengi í brott. Það fjall kallaði hann Helgafell og trúði að hann mundi þangað fara þá er hann dæi og allir á nesinu hans frændur.
Þar sem Þór hafði á land komið, á tanganum nessins, lét hann hafa dóma alla og setti þar héraðsþing. Þar var og svo mikill helgistaður að hann vildi með engu móti láta saurga völlinn, hvorki í heiftarblóði og eigi skyldi þar álfrek ganga og var haft til þess sker eitt er Dritsker var kallað.
(http://sagadb.org/eyrbyggja_saga)

(Now Thorolf called that ness Thorsness which lieth between Swordfirth and Templewick; on the ness is a fell, and that fell Thorolf held in such worship that he laid down that no man unwashed should turn his eyes thither, and that nought should be done to death on the fell, either man or beast, until it went therefrom of its own will. That fell he called Holy Fell, and he trowed that thither he should fare when he died, and all his kindred from the ness. On the tongue of the ness whereas Thor had come a-land he made all dooms be held, and thereon he set up a county Thing.
And so holy a place that was, that he would nowise that men should defile the field with blood-shedding, and moreover none should go thither for their needs, but to that end was appointed a skerry called Dirtskerry.)

 Chapter 9

Það var eitt vor á Þórsnessþingi að þeir mágar, Þorgrímur Kjallaksson og Ásgeir á Eyri, gerðu orð á að þeir mundu eigi leggja drag undir ofmetnað Þórsnesinga og það að þeir mundu ganga þar örna sinna sem annars staðar á mannfundum á grasi þótt þeir væru svo stolts að þeir gerðu lönd sín helgari en aðrar jarðir í Breiðafirði. Lýstu þeir þá yfir því að þeir mundu eigi troða skó til að ganga þar í útsker til álfreka.
En er Þorsteinn þorskabítur varð þessa var vildi hann eigi þola að þeir saurguðu þann völl er Þórólfur faðir hans hafði tignað umfram aðra staði í sinni landeign. Heimti hann þá að sér vini sína og ætlaði að verja þeim vígi völlinn ef þeir hygðust að saurga hann. Að þessu ráði hurfu með honum Þorgeir kengur, sonur Geirröðar á Eyri, og Álftfirðingar, Þorfinnur og Þorbrandur sonur hans, Þórólfur bægifótur og margir aðrir þingmenn Þorsteins og vinir.
En um kveldið er Kjalleklingar voru mettir tóku þeir vopn sín og gengu út í nesið. En er þeir Þorsteinn sáu að þeir sneru af þeim veg er til skersins lá þá hljópu þeir til vopna og runnu eftir þeim með ópi og eggjan. Og er Kjalleklingar sáu það hljópu þeir saman og vörðu sig. En Þórsnesingar gerðu svo harða atgöngu að Kjalleklingar hrukku af vellinum og í fjöruna. Snerust þeir þá við og varð þar hinn harðasti bardagi með þeim. Kjalleklingar voru færri og höfðu einvalalið.
(http://sagadb.org/eyrbyggja_saga)

(On a spring-tide at Thorsness Thing these brothers-in-law Thorgrim Kiallakson and Asgeir of Ere gave out that they would not give a lift to the pride of the Thorsness-folk, and that they would go their errands in the grass as otherwhere men do in man-motes, though those men were so proud that they made their lands holier than other lands of Broadfirth. They gave forth that they would not tread shoe for the going to the out-skerries for their easements.
But when Thorstein Codbiter was ware of this, he had no will that they should defile that field which Thorolf his father had honoured over all other places in his lands.
So he called his friends to him, and bade them keep those folk from the field by battle if they were minded to defile it.
In this rede were with him Thorgeir the son of Geirrod of Ere, and the Swanfirthers Thorfin and Thorbrand his son, Thorolf Halt- foot, and many other thingmen and friends of Thorstein.
But in the evening when the Kiallekings were full of meat they took their weapons and went out on to the ness; but when Thorstein and his folk saw that they turned off from the road that lay skerry-ward, they sprang to their weapons and ran after them with whooping and egging on. And when the Kiallekings saw that, they ran together and defended themselves.
But those of Thorsness made so hard an onset that Kiallak and his men shrunk off the field and clown to the foreshore, and then they turned against them therewith, and there was a hard battle between them; the Kiallekings were the fewer, but they had a chosen band.)

And so a feud kicks off that kills off most of the inhabitants of the entire district - because some dudes couldn't be bothered walking all the way to the very inconveniently located Dirtskerry, and so decided to do their business on some other dude's holy ground, instead!
And so you see, having somewhere clean, private and convenient to go to the toilet is extremely important!

A modern-day Viking toilet

 On a side note, may we add that a Very Special Friend of Intellectual Friend's points out that according to the 12th-century historian John of Wallingford, one of the reasons why the English carried out a foul and treacherous massacre of Danes was - wait for it - that they considered them too clean!
John of Wallingford says, in translation,

[The Danes] had also either seized, or prepared to seize, all the best towns in the land, and caused much trouble to the natives of the land; for they were wont, after the fashion of their country, to comb their hair every day, to bathe every Saturday, to change their garments often, and set off their persons by many such frivolous devices. In this manner they laid siege to the virtue of the married women, and persuaded the daughters even of the nobles to be their concubines. For these and other like causes there arose many quarells and wars in the realm.
(http://www.vikingeskibsmuseet.dk/havhingsten-i-fortid-og-nutid/opgaver/kilder-til-opgave/)

The Vikings were, in fact, "coming over here, taking our baths and our women"!

In case you haven't had enough of Viking toilets (personally, we can NEVER get enough
of Viking toilets!), here's another one, from the Dublin Viking Centre

We would once again like to point out that, with Christmas drawing relentlessly closer, an Oxfam Unwrapped gift might be a planet-friendly alternative to the usual tie and bath salts. Our favourite, naturally, is the Build a Bog. Another good one to contemplate on World Toilet Day is the Safe Water for Ten People gift.

Happy Toilet Day!

Further reading:
Þorsteins Þáttr Skelks: Medieval Toilet Anecdote
Jorvik: In Rude Health

'Twas the Night before World Toilet Day

Don't worry, we intend to amaze and dazzle you with a spectacular story tomorrow, to celebrate World Toilet Day! (It's only once a year, so you might as well mark the day with a bang.)
In the meantime, Canadian Friend has been hiking, and engaging in covert toilet journalism! Here's what she says:

Here are the Swainby loos from the pub there. I can't remember the name of the pub. I think it had the word horse in the name.
These loos were very clean, classy and elegant. It was a pleasure to pee there.

According to our friend Wikipedia, the pub was most likely The Black Horse, and very nice it looks too.

A classy decoration of some kind

Woof! A mixer tap and a creepy mannequin! What more can you ask on the night before World Toilet Day?

We love disabled toilets - they're always cleaner, better and less annoying than ordinary toilets

We don't however, love separated taps. Please stop this nuisance.

Canadian Friend, armed with dog and poo bags, enjoying the scenery around Swainby

At the risk of contradicting ourselves: lots of style points for the classy toilets and the mixer tap, and lots of minus points for the separated taps! Woof!