Saturday, 15 October 2011

Toilet Paper - It's Time to HTFU!

   We have been waxing lyrical about the Forest Stewardship Council label on numerous occasions, even admitting that Andrex toilet paper might not be wholly evil, since it is allowed to carry this prestigious label.
  However, and this is bloody crucial, the FSC label is not the same thing as an eco-label.  In order to be branded with the FSC tick, a product must adhere to regulations governing forestry procedure,ensuring that recycled fibres are used, trees are replanted, and forests generally managed sensibly. So far, so laudable. But it is perfectly possible to fill all the criteria demanded by the Forest Stewardship Council, and then go and treat your toilet tissue with all kinds of horrible and unnecessary chemicals.

So if you insist on buying toilet paper that has been treated with shea butter, or aloe vera, or any other of the countless and evil ingredients that toilet paper companies try to convince you that you need (not that shea butter or aloe vera are evil in themselves, but you didn't seriously think that Andrex put pure, unadulterated-by-chemicals shea butter on their bog roll, did you?), you are contributing to some serious polluting of water and buggering-up of ecosystems.  

Your bum does not need shea butter toilet paper! The human arse has evolved for countless generations to cope just fine without aloe vera.

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  British toilet paper is pretty pathetic, compared to other European brands. On you can search for products and brands, to see which ones have been awarded the EU eco-label. The only British tissue companies featured on the list are Waitrose (whose toilet tissue is made by Georgia-Pacific) and Disposables UK. The Swedish company SCA dominates the list, but other companies, like Celtex from Italy, Novatissue from France, and van Houtum, from the Netherlands, also feature impressively. Clearly, it is not impossible to make toilet paper that doesn't damage the environment. Tork, makers of tissue and hygiene  products, have the EU label on a significant amount of their products, and, what's more, make one of our featured toilet roll holders! Tork are owned by SCA.

The Green Swan is the Nordic eco label. Their criteria for tissue paper are published here. They look pretty hard-core - as they should do!

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  So come on - as Chopper Read would say: Get some unbleached toilet paper and Harden The Fuck Up! And if you're feeling really hardcore, go for some historical toilet paper!

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