Introducing Our Favourite Aunt

Bertie Wooster had a favourite aunt. Her name was Dahlia, and she enjoyed fox-hunting and French cuisine. We, too, have a favourite aunt. Our aunt enjoys, among other things, archaeology and strident feminism. She has many good qualities and is engaged in many laudable pursuits, but the foremost of her achievements, the crème de la crème of her activities, is undoubtedly her recent decision to send us a toilet photo from Rome.

Our aunt is rampantly intellectual and is well-versed in many subjects, but has hitherto been strangely inactive in the fertile field of toilet photography. It is our pleasure to introduce her very first contribution to this exciting discipline.

Toilet in the near vicinity of the Castel Sant'Angelo, Rome

View from the Castel Sant'Angelo, Rome

We have more pictures of Roman toilets, along with a spirited critique of Italian plumbing, from Exuberant Archaeologist Friend, coming - all good things to those who wait!

In other news,  a person who wishes to be known as "an anonymous benefactor" sent us a link to an article in the New York Times about how building toilets in India helps reduce the rate of disease, and simultaneously helps protect women from being raped or eaten by wild animals. A thousand hurrahs for sanitation!

We also have a very cheerful picture for you. Our mate Jonny is, as many of you know, a lovely dude, if a bit disgusting at times. Jonny can be a raging idiot (you know what we mean, Jonny), but we like to think that he is ever growing and developing in maturity and intellect. For instance, Jonny recently developed in the direction of taking a photo of himself looking rampantly intellectual in a toilet! This worthy achievement is totally worth a round of applause - well done, Jonny!

We can't think of anything more attractive than a lovely dude
being rampantly intellectual in a toilet. Can you?

In honour of our lovely aunt, our anonymous benefactor, and Jonny, let's have a festive video that celebrates two of our favourite things -  rampant intellectualism and strident feminism!

Festive video - Dolly Parton, Dumb Blonde

Related Reading
More on sanitation in India: There Is Too Much Going On. This Blog Post Will Probably Give You a Migraine.
Exuberant Archaeologist Friend has written some highly exuberant reviews of Italian toilets.

In other news:
CHRISTMAS IS COMING
Have you considered turning your back on mindless consumerism and instead benefiting mankind by spending a penny on Oxfam Unwrapped, WaterAid,  or ToiletTwinning? Or why not donate to Amnesty International, or your local women's shelter?

There Is Too Much Going On. This Blog Post Will Probably Give You a Migraine.

Following the dramatic reduction in mansplaining levels after our recent rant*, we had intended to spend some time indulging in the kind of hardcore intellectual pursuits which we complained the other day that we were prevented from getting down to, due to being permanently pissed off, because of all the mansplaining. But, as is often the way, we received word of a most exciting cleanliness campaign in India, the festiveness levels of which caused us to yearn, ache and long for tending to our beloved blog.

In a drive called Swachh Bharat Abhiyan, efforts are being made to improve sanitation in India. As anyone who has ever inhaled the smell of sewage, coming from what is supposed to be a river, knows, this is a really, really, really good idea. According to one source,

A United Nations report in May said half of India's population still practises open defecation - putting them at risk of cholera, diarrhoea, dysentery, hepatitis A and typhoid. The resulting diseases and deaths cause major economic losses, and a World Bank report in 2006 estimated that India was losing 6.4 percent of GDP annually because of poor access to sanitation.

Another source tells us that "At least 30 lakh [Editor's comment: that is, if we remember rightly, three million] central government employees working across the country and hundreds of school and college students will take the pledge of cleanliness at different functions". If you've had a rough day and need cheering up, have a look at these pictures, from the Times of India, of said government employees doing just that! We're not sure what the brooms are supposed to accomplish, but you can't deny that any effort to improve sanitation in "the subcontinent" (as India is always, irritatingly, called whenever a journalist needs a synonym for "India" and can't think of one) is worthy of a massive HURRAH!

One Indian administrative officer has reportedly cleaned his office every day since 1993. Every day. Since 1993. You can imagine how clean it must be! This sign, outside his office, purportedly provides information on how often the dude cleans his office, and how long he has been doing it for.

*Said reduction in mansplaining could also be due to the fact that we have been too busy to actually talk to anyone.

We could have ended this blog post here, but why should we?  Remember Exuberant Archaeologist Friend's spirited account from Rome? Let's have more of that! (Also, we know that several of our friends are eager to improve their Scandiwegian, and we reckon this is a golden opportunity for them to brush up on their colloquial Swedish.)

Här är nästa skörd:

De första är från de kapitolinska museerna. Det saknades toalettring på ALLA toaletter. Fanns inga krokar, så det var tur att [min man] var med och kunde hålla grejerna. Tvålet var bra, luktade supergott. Det verkar som att de lagt alla pengar på väldoftande tvål istället för på toalettringar. Skabbigt deluxe.

(Here is the next crop: 

The first ones are from the Capitoline Museums. There were no seats on ANY of the toilets. There were no coat hooks, so it was lucky that [my husband] was there and could hold all my stuff. The soap was good; it smelled really nice. It seems they spent the entire budget on fragrant soap instead of toilet seats. Minging deluxe.)

We like these taps, but this kind of modern basin gives us the shivers:
surely it makes it really hard for the cleaners?

We usually reason, pragmatically, that a toilet that HAS NO FUCKING SEAT is actually more hygienic,
as the surface which can be dirtied is smaller.
It is still no pleasure having to use a toilet with NO FUCKING SEAT, though, obviously.

Oh, dear. A pipe disappearing into the wall?
We're stupendously glad that we won't be around when this set-up, inevitably, goes to shit and has to be repaired.

Nästa är från ett kafé vid Piazza Navona; Tre Scalini. Jämfört med alla andra toaletter i Rom så var detta ett högteknologiskt tempel. OCH DET FANNS EN RING!! Dessutom reste den sig automatiskt när man ställt sig upp och sprutade sedan ut sanitetsvätska på ringen**. Utmärkt. Tvålet luktade gott. Detta var den klart bästa toaletten.

Mer följer!

(The next set of pictures is from a café at the Piazza Navona, Tre Scalini. Compared to all the other toilets in Rome, this was a temple of high-tech. AND THERE WAS A SEAT!! Also, it was folded up automatically when you got up, and sanitiser was sprayed onto the seat**. Excellent. The soap smelled nice. This was totally the best toilet. 

There is more coming!)

**Because we weren't sure how this worked, we asked for clarification, and were given the following explanation:

Sanitetsvätskan sprutades lite snett uppåt så att det skulle typ falla ner på ringen när den rest sig. Vätskan kom från den delen av toaletten där spolknappen skulle ha suttit om det varit EN NORMAL TOALETT!

(The sanitiser was sprayed sideways upwards, in order to fall onto the seat when it had been folded up. The fluid came from the part of the toilet where the flush button would normally be, if it had been A NORMAL TOILET!)

The toilets in the Tre Scalini café in Rome: laudably hygienic!

WE LOVE TOILET SIGNAGE CLARITY

There is no hot water, but on the other hand there is no non-mixer tap insanity happening, either.

Another pipe in the wall.

These instructions are very, very clear.

We bloody love covered tissue!

Did the mention of the Piazza Navona set off a bell in our head? Did it ever? Bridget Jones is a label on this blog, after all, so here, for your reading pleasure, is an extract from The Edge of Reason (as in the book, obviously. The film, as every right-thinking person knows, doesn't count):

"Hello, Bridget, this is Colin Firth." We all jumped a foot backwards. It was Mr Darcy. The same posh, deep, can't-be-bothered voice that he proposed to Elizabeth Bennet in on the BBC. Bridget. Me. Mr Darcy said Bridget. On my answerphone.
"I gather you're coming to Rome to interview me on Monday," he went on. "I was calling to arrange somewhere to meet. There's a square called the Piazza Navona, sort of easy place to find in a taxi. I'll meet you about 4.30 by the fountain. Have a safe journey."
"1471, 1471," gabbled Jude, "1471, quick, quick. No, get the tape out, get the tape out!"
"Call him back," screamed Sharon like an SS torturer. "Call him back and ask him to meet you in the fountain. OhmyGod."
The phone had rung again, we stood there rigid, mouths open. Then Tom's voice boomed out, "Hello, you pretty little things, it's Mr Darcy here just calling to see if anyone could help me out of this wet shirt."

(Helen Fielding, The Edge of Reason. London: Picador, 1999, 159-160)

We reckon this is as good a time as any to revisit the wet-shirt-scene from Pride and Prejudice.

Festive video: Pride and Prejudice, wet-shirt-scene


Related Reading
A Mr Darcy Pin-Up: It Is Tolerable, We Suppose - A Privy Counsel Pick-Me-Up
And another one: Privy Counsel Pin-Up - Colin Firth
All previous Bridget Jones-related posts
All posts from India
All posts from Italy
Up in the Air - Introducing Exuberant Archaeologist Friend
More information on why sanitation is so important:
Good Deeds
Oxfam Build a Bog

A Passage to India: More Indian Toilets

It's been a while since our last Indian update.  We are feeling a bit adventurous today, so thought we'd share some more exciting toilet pictures from the Orient.
The following photos are from the public toilets in Cubbon Park, in Bangalore. We apologise for the appalling quality of the pictures; we were under strain and in a hurry.
 (Being a severely sweaty foreigner makes one feel enough of a freak without being caught photographing toilets and consequently being taunted, stoned and kicked out of the country for being a toilet perv.)

Ornamental sinks. (At least one assumes they are ornamental, since they are as far from being functional as is possible.)

An interesting water tank, containing all kinds of things; children's toys, items of clothing, etc

Et voilà - the oriental toilet!

Apart from the non-functioning taps and the resulting inability of the visitor to wash their hands, these toilets were perfectly hygienic, and we seem to remember that the lady collecting our two rupees smiled in a friendly manner. The park itself is isn't bad either. For an insight into the toilets in another Bangalore park, look no further.

Indian Splendour

We had an interesting toilet experience at the Lalbagh Botanical Gardens in Bangalore today. Spending a penny costs 1 rupee for using a urinal, or 2 rupees for using a toilet, as pictured above. These toilets were perfectly clean, but as there was no flush (or at least there was, darling, as Bridget Jones's mother would say: there was a tap and a bucket), toilet paper or soap, we are unable to award any points. However, we don't want to disappoint you by writing a boring blog update, so, as in all moments of crisis and difficulty, we turn to literature: here's a quote from Andy McNab's book Bravo Two Zero (Corgi Books, 1993). Andy is a prisoner of war in an Iraqi prison:

There was no ambient light whatsoever. It was so dark in the room I couldn't even see my hand in front of my face. There was a gagging stench of shit. I got down on my hands and knees and felt my way around. There wasn't much to feel. The room was tiny, and it didn't take me long to discover the two porcelain footpads either side of a hole about eight inches in diameter. No wonder my new bedroom stank. I was in a minging Arab shithouse. (pp 272-274.)