On the Nature of Academic Friendships

Sometimes* we can't tell whether our friends are being nice or sarcastic. This is most likely due to the lofty echelons of intellectualism in which we move; practically everyone we know spends up to 85 % of their time worrying about things like intransitive verbs in dead Germanic languages, the difficulty of dating medieval church architecture incorporating flint, or the importance of tin mining to Bronze Age warfare, and disdaining non-experts in their field with the kind of hauteur usually only found in dead French aristocrats**. The high level of pedantry that is required for maintaining meaningful discussion on this type of subject means that most of our friends are absolute fruitcakes at the best of times, and if someone should happen to be drunk, you can wave lucidity good-bye and prepare to write it long letters on scented paper***.

Anyway. We have received missives, from more than one source, containing a link to a certain newspaper article. Our correspondents were, we think, being kind. Or possibly they were being cuttingly sarcastic. We're fucked if we can tell the difference. Anyway, the article, from the Guardian, warns against the dangers of leaving unsuitable elements - like, say, excrement, or toilets - in estate agent pictures when trying to sell a house.

"Obviously, you're in it for the toilet, but I feel like that article has a lot to offer," says one chum.
Another crony explains: "You have to scroll down to find it, but there is in fact a photo of a kitchen with a toilet plopped right in it," continuing, "Have you ever come across this particular plumbing phenomenon before?"
The answer, friends, is yes. (And oh, how we wish it wasn't.)

*Practically all the time, especially when drunk.
**It could also be that we don't help matters by thinking about a) toilets, b) Richard Armitage, or c) a wonderful combination of both, more than what is strictly necessary.
***Seriously, if we had a penny for every time we've woken up hungover with a napkin full of crazed, pseudo-intellectual scribblings on the floor, we'd have enough money to build ourselves an aqueduct. A marble one. With little turrets every mile or so, and bunting.

An update about Quasi-Intellectual Friend's surprisingly clever pictures, which we couldn't publish the other day due to him putting them somewhere we can't find them, then totally and utterly failing to send them again: Quasi-Intellectual Friend has attempted to make up for his astonishing cack-handedness by providing another image. "A lovely water-saving toilet!! At the Museum of Wine, Chinon," Quasi-Intellectual Friend cackles, raising his eyebrows in that way he does, supposedly imagining it to look intellectual.

We do approve of this water-saving arrangement with all our heart.
HOWEVER. How is one supposed to wash one's hands in this tiny sink
without inadvertently touching the toilet seat? Riddle us that.

In other news, we have decided that things may not be too catastrophically bollocksed, after all, despite our recent despondency. We may still be hurtling towards shit creek at an alarming speed, but we suspect that there may, in fact, be a paddle or two tucked into the hold. Let's have a festive video and drink some rum.



Festive video - Kacey Musgraves, Follow Your Arrow


Related Reading
Australia is truly pioneering when it comes to water-saving technology. Read more about it here: Why Today Is a Toiletally Important Day
More rampant sarcasm:
"Oh for Shame, How the Mortals Put the Blame on Us Gods" - We Indulge in Melodrama
Another wine-related tap:
Taps, Wine and Elvis!
And another wine-related tap:
Kronovall - More Castle Shenanigans
Found another one:
In Good Spirits - Börje's House
Let's do one more:
Festive Things That Are Red

Rampantly Entertaining Pictures

Our favourite word right now, all categories, is rampant. It's a rampantly useful word, which can be used in many rampantly entertaining and informative contexts. This is why we're so delighted that our friends have been sending us such rampantly amusing pictures of late! To celebrate the fact that we have been rampantly intellectual as well as generally kicking arse recently, here's a selection of positively RAMPANT pictures!!

The first picture is from a very attractive friend of ours who is characterised by her extraordinary bravery. (More info here.) We have been assured that the water temperature in this tap is "pleasant". People, you have our blessing to rush forth to this Cheltenham bar!

"How do you feel about this tap?" Bar 50, Cheltenham.

Our next candidate is an illustration of a void, sent to us by a certain very dear French person, who we may likewise have mentioned on previous occasions. (We also had a rampantly kick-arse time at her wedding!)

"My friend had her tap changed by a plumber... She is now missing the tap.
Thought you'd like it."

Next up is a contribution from our main literature pimp, Bogsley Hansson Friend.

"What did you just do? One drop or two? From Ada's technical books in Seattle."

We have also this beautiful vintage ad from a friend who has a laudable habit of hosting very fun parties (with, intriguingly, ever-increasing floor space to pass out on), which have contributed to many a Privy Counsel hangover!

Vintage ad for Gustavsberg tap. From the Lund University archives.
MIXER TAP OF COURSE!

Tudor Friend sent us this image of a bathroom so sumptuous it boggles one's mind almost beyond repair!

America's best bathroom is in Minneapolis, apparently!

Finally. Last, but not least. The pièce de résistance. La crème de la crème. Etc. Ladies and gentlemen, behold this priceless picture from Australian Friend!

"Piccadilly Circus, 6 pm."

That's all for now! We've got some thrilling posts planned, though, so stay tuned!

Related Reading
A Lovely Cavalcade of Photos
A Festive Update
Another Favourite: Our Favourite Ever Handwashing Videos

International Musings

Air so hot that it burns one's lungs and alarming thoughts about syphilis are, as far as we know, not valid reasons for not updating one's toilet blog. Let us therefore have a new post! Our photo archive is, as usual, overflowing with various and startling kinds of filth. However, we're more in the mood for something frivolous. Let's just have some lovely international pictures, shall we?
First up, we've got a testament to the effervescence of the Privy Counsel's members: a colourful and oh! so amusing toilet in far-off Switzerland!

Oh, joy: Australian Friend's mum's friend found this in Switzerland!

The Swiss certainly seem to be into their groovy toilet-seat covers!

Another friend mentioned her amusement at accidentally buying scented toilet paper in Croatia. While our views on scented, dyed or even just bleached bog roll are well known, we couldn't help but be carried away by the festive feeling which the discovery of this fragrant tissue occasioned.

Festive: Croatian scented toilet paper.
This particular kind smells, if the packaging is to be believed, of peaches.
Oh, goody! Everyone likes peaches, right?

We hope, as ever, that all our regular readers are feeling delighted and edified. Now, let's get back to those syphilitic thoughts!

Related Reading
Remembering to Breathe
Alpine Escapism
The Post in Which We Finally Manage to Combine Our Two Favourite Topics Ever, Toilets and Syphilis!
Syphilis, Bathing, and Dentures: You Know It Makes Sense
Toilet Paper: It's Time to HTFU!
Toilet Paper: A Pain in the Arse?
A Calamitous and Inflammatory Blend of Toilet Paper and History
Puppies, Bloody Puppies
Do It If You Must
Toilet Paper - Puppy Love

"Not As Much Use As a Toilet" - An Afternoon Off

Finally, an afternoon off! What to do, what to do? How about something fun! There's been some very intellectual content lately, what with all the archaeological finds, feminist musings and French vocab exercises, and so we thought we might take the afternoon off and have some pure, unadulterated fun! And what's funnier than Not the Nine o'Clock News? Well, blame it on our overworked, fell-off-the-chain-so-long-ago-we-can't-even-remember-what-it-was-like-being-on-it state if you will, but we can't think of anything. Funnier than Not the Nine o'Clock News, that is.  Hence, let us have - wait for it - an amusing video!

Festive video - Not the Nine O'Clock News, Not As Much Use As a Toilet

A friend who we might call, for want of a better pseudonym, Obsessive Emmerdale Fan Friend, recently lent us a couple of DVDs of Not..., and it has been most refreshing, as well as intellectually stimulating! A whole arsenal of hurrahs going off let, right and centre!

Let's have a funny picture as well! (In case of blockage.)

You can't have too much of a good thing! Well, that pretty much used up our entire stock of edifying and amusing reflections on toilets! Toodle-oo! (Or, as we like to say at Privy Counsel HQ, Toode-loo.)

Those French People Are Crazy

Due to unresolved technical difficulties, the awesome post we've been trying to publish for the last few days isn't going to happen. We need to retreat, drink some rum and mull the matter over before launching a new offensive. However, we received a tip of a marvellous article on something called a uritonnoir! Is this a modern-day relative of the lavoire, you wonder? No, it is a type of compostable urinal! Our favourite smug newspaper, the Guardian, writes,

"'Are you used to going for a number one in the back of your garden?' asks French design studio Faltazi. 'Do not waste this valuable golden fluid by sprinkling on inappropriate surfaces!'
Their solution to the problem of peeing al fresco is l'Uritonnoir, a hybrid of a urinal ('urinoir' in French) and a funnel ('entonnoir') that plugs into a straw bale to make your very own urine upcycling factory.
As the bale is filled with your 'liquid gold', the nitrogen in the urine reacts with the carbon in the straw to begin the process of decomposition - forming a rich mound of composted humus within 6-12 months."

This gender bias is ridiculous. Ladies, get your shewees out!!
Image from the Guardian.

We enjoy this beer-to-urine-to-beer diagram.
Image from the Guardian.

The entire corps of Privy Counsel staff salivates at the thought of such an eco-friendly excuse to indulge in bacchanalia! We'd go so far as to encourage our readers to get one of these and do their duty for Mother Earth! This of course goes hand in hand with our previous exhortation for our female readers to use a Shewee while drunk.

Bacchanalia. Image from Wikipedia.

Related Reading
Sisters Standing Up for Themselves
Ladies, Don't Take Life Sitting Down
Far From the Madding Crowds: A Walker's Dilemma
Lavoire of Love
Dirty Little Secret: Toilets in Liberia as Reported by the Guardian

A Lovely Cavalcade of Photos

Ho-hum. Here we were, trying primarily to a) relax and CTFD, but getting increasingly anxious and resorting to b) getting some sodding work done, when we were, predictably, side-tracked by people sending us lovely photos. (We're not complaining!)
So, since it is, after all, Saturday night, let's get a little bit festive! Behold, a lovely cavalcade of photos!

German Friend offered this glimpse of things to come:
"A little preamble to the still missing existentialist toilet...
That theme seems to be all the rage in Deutschland!"
We caper with joy at the thought of the forthcoming existentialist toilet,
and are simultaneously reminded of the large amount of
Uzbek material still lurking in the Privy Counsel archives!
Readers are advised to hold on to their hats, as there
is severe fabulousness coming!
(For a similar amusing image, see A Festive Update.)
Image from StreetArtGermany.

This lovely bamboo bath comes from Tudor Friend, and rather reminds
us of another spiffing tub that came our way once!
Image from Guadua Bamboo.

This beaut was sent to us by Czech Mate, and introduced to us with the words,
"Behold, the from-within-illuminated wash basin from a Leeds buffet place"!
Are you feeling the warm and friendly karma emanating
from  the motion-sensor mixer tap? We are! Woof!

Finally, lest we get above ourselves: a simple but functional
bog from the Guild 45 Cinema in Seattle.
Loving the rough cement floor  and Tork bog-roll holder!
Image by Bogsley Hansson Friend.

Having enjoyed the crap out of this festive cavalcade, it is now time to sigh wistfully and get on with some rather high-falutin' and morally rigid Anglo-Saxon poetry. Wæs hæl!

Related Reading:
A Festive Update
Rock'n'Roll

Taps, Wine and Elvis!

It's our pleasure to wish all our regular readers a Happy Easter and all that jazz! As you may have noticed, we've been not just busy, and not even just frantically busy, but flat-out fran-tic-ally busy, of late, leading to a rather sad and loathsome negligence of our blogging duties. But despair not, here's a piping hot dose of toilet madness to refresh, edify and amuse you! A joint effort this time: two dear friends of ours sent us pictures of the thigh-slapping, chortling-like-a-lunatic kind. The first one is from a very energetic person we have the pleasure of knowing. She says, considerately,

"Couldn't get everything in the picture but if that's not the toilet made for you and your blog! Put in an outlet for your laptop, you might as well move in."

 We couldn't agree more. 

Very Energetic Friend says: "That's at the house of my holistic
massage therapist.  (At mine, shelves would never stay this full.)"

It's even got a mixer tap! WHERE HAS THIS TOILET BEEN ALL OUR LIVES?

Meanwhile, Bad-Ass Shelf Enthusiast Friend kindly contributed this agreeable utopian vision.

Boy, does that ever have us salivating!
Although, as Tudor Friend points out, "This is a case where separate
taps might be good: one for red, one for white. I don't need constant rosé".

We don't even believe in Jebus, but considering that wine seems suddenly to be a bit of a theme, that Jebus liked wine, and that Easter is apparently a time for contemplating the life of that estimable gentleman, surely having some wine seems indicated? Which reminds us...

Here's what we're drinking in the toilet bloggers' ghetto at the moment.

And that, of course, takes us on another wild flight of association...


Happy Easter! Remember to stay regular.

A Brief Guide to Public Toilets

'Well, it's just that I've been so...'
Trefusis pulled the handkerchief from his face and looked at Adrian.
'But of course you have! Frantically busy. Fran-tic-ally.'
Trefusis helped himself to another cigarette from a packet that lay on top of a tower of books next to the sofa and tapped it against his thumb-nail.
'My first meeting with you only confirmed what I first suspected. You are a fraud, a charlatan and a shyster. My favourite kind of person, in fact.'

We assume that all our regular readers are familiar with familiar with Stephen Fry's The Liar. If you have been, you've only yourself to blame. The truth is, we've been so... etc. So here's an article we've shamelessly stolen. Australian Friend put us on to it.

How to Use a Public or Shared Restroom Since It’s Pretty Clear You Don’t Have a Goddamn Clue

Don't you just love modern conveniences? Drunken nights and certain New York neighborhoods aside, for the most part, we have progressed past pissing and shitting in the street. The toilet and the sewer system! A thing of beauty. Neat, quick, clean disposal of the excrement and detritus human existence is plagued by. If you live alone, in your own home, you may do as you wish with your commode. But if you have roommates, if you work in an office, or if you visit public establishments — bars, restaurants, museums and the like — you may, perchance, need to heed the call of nature in a public or shared restroom. We have, in our travels, visited some of these toilets, and it has become clear to us that folks do not understand how to behave in them. What follows should not be necessary. But it is, and we are deeply disappointed we even have to do this. Nevertheless, consider this a refresher course, a guide, to be memorized, forwarded and shared as needed.
Basically, a good policy is the following:

You should try to leave a restroom in the condition you would wish to find it.

Occasionally, you may enter a restroom in which the policy must be abandoned — the plastic shell of shame known as the porta pottie, for instance, or a particularly filthy bar toilet. In those cases, do not dilly-dally; just get in and out as quickly as possible and beg the gods of feculence for mercy.
For all other cases, here is your guide.

Let's get a few things straight.
Image from T.qkme.

Urination

aka Pissing, aka Number 1, aka Taking A Leak, aka Seeing A Man About A Horse
Urine is supposed to go in the water inside the toilet.
"Pish posh," you say. "Everyone knows that." Oh really? Then why the fuck is there urine on the toilet seat and on the restroom floor approximately all the fucking time? A great poet once said:
If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Please be neat
And wipe the seat
This applies to men, women, and children of all ages.
For the men: It is neither necessary nor interesting for us, as women, to understand why you can't hit the fucking target. We only request that if you do not, you clean up after yourself. This includes the floor. Wrap some toilet paper around your hand and wipe down the seat; drop some tissue or a paper towel on the floor and use your foot to move it around, then pick it up and dispose of it in the proper receptacle. Easy. Now you are a real man. Your mother would be proud. The universe will reward you.
What's that you say? You're not picking a dirty tissue up off the floor because it's filthy? Why sweat it, when you're about to wash your hands. Oh, you're not washing your hands properly, are you. Washing your hands is not wetting your hands. Washing your hands involves hot water and soap lather. You're an adult in a world of communicable diseases. Just do it.
Ladies: The instructions above apply to you as well. Maybe you're in a greasy spoon on the edge of town and you'd rather be set on fire than sit down on the toilet seat. Fine. It's not like you can actually catch an STD from a toilet seat. But whatever. If, by squatting, you miss or splatter, please, for the love of theoretical sterility, wipe the seat. And/or the floor. Piss it forward. You are a real woman. Your mother would be proud. The universe will reward you.
What's that you say? You're not picking a dirty tissue up off the floor because it's filthy? Why sweat it, when you're about to wash your hands. Oh, you're not washing your hands properly, are you. Washing your hands is not wetting your hands. Washing your hands involves hot water and soap lather. You're an adult in a world of communicable diseases. Just do it.
After urination:
The ideal scenario would be to close the toilet lid, flush the toilet, wash your hands, and go on about your day. However. Sometimes there is no toilet lid. In that case, just make a quick visual sweep of the area, make sure you're not leaving droplets on the seat or floor, then wash your hands and go. Should you splash water around while washing your hands, you truly ought to give the sink counter a quick swipe with your towel as you're leaving — nothing like leaning on a counter top and getting a wet spot on your shirt because some sloppy brat left the sink area a wreck. It's a special kind of loathsome narcissism that allows people to leave a public/shared restroom a mess after a quick pee break. Newsflash: You are not the only person on the planet.

All of this can happen very quickly and shouldn't take more than 60 seconds of time. If you're worried about germs, carry some hand sanitizer. But just realize you're gonna catch something a lot nastier from the ATM machine than you are from the loo.

Ready, aim, fire! Image from Guzer.

Defecation

aka Shitting, aka Pooping, aka Dropping The Kids Off At The Pool, aka Taking A Dump, aka Taking the Browns To The Super Bowl
Feces are supposed to go in the water inside the toilet.
Remember the policy: Leave things as you wish to find them. Should something go awry, do your very best to clean up. Don't slink away thinking, shit, I destroyed it in there. If possible, flush while pushing the wood chucks out of the hole. It helps with odor control, and if one flush is all organic waste, the next can be just tissue, cleaning the bowl as it goes down. Diarrhea? Splatter? Sorry, man. Sucks. But wipe the underneath of the seat down. Flush with the lid down. Don't be rude. If you know you're going to fuck shit up real good, take some matches with you. At work, you can keep a spraycan of air freshener in your "special" stall. Be considerate.

Ducks know the score. Image from Weknowmemes.

Other Issues

Mirrors

Don't hog the mirror. Don't make eye contact unless invited to do so. Don't kiss the mirror.

Pubes

If there's a pubic hair on the seat, it just doesn't seem clean. Are you shedding? Leaving pubes behind? It only takes a second to glance and check before you leave the stall. Don't leave pubes behind.

Flatulence

If you're in one stall and can hear someone else is ripping and tooting and making all kinds of bubble wrap sounds, just be kind and expedient and hurry and get the fuck out of there. She does not want to see you when she comes out. If you're the one farting like a ten cent whoopie cushion, time your exit from the stall carefully, keep eye contact at a minimum. It's for the best.

Menstruation

Never leave blood on the seat. There's a special place in hell for women who don't help other women by wiping up menstrual blood. Wrap applicators and pads in TP before throwing them away.

Toilet Won't Flush/Toilet's Clogged

Tell someone who can help. ASAP. You can even ask someone in the next stall to do you a favor and inform a maintenance person so that when you're on your way out of the restroom, someone with a plunger is on their way in. Just say something, and don't slink away hoping for the best, you asshole.

In Closing

You know what you've done, and you know you can do better. Be the change you want to see in the world. There's no time like the present. Abandon your lazy, piss-poor, self-centered, half-flushing ways and see the light, bright and white as a gleaming new toilet bowl. We're watching you. And taking notes.

(Many thanks to Jezebel for letting us plagiarise their article.)

Drop that holier-than-thou attitude and just sort out the sodding toilet, ok?
Image from Xinhuanet.

 If you have been, then for God's sake get a bottle of  rum.

Related Reading
A Festive Update
Thai Toilet Chart
We Aim to Please: Interactive Toilet Game
Unique Posts about Urinals
Previous Posts about Public Toilets
Oh, and Previous Posts about Stephen Fry, of Course.

Taking a Gander at Greatness

As all our regular readers know, toilets are extremely useful for many things, especially when clean and functional. What not many people appreciate, however, is the potential of your average bog to serve as catwalk, artistic venue or simply a place to dream of past or future glory! (For instance, Australian Friend tells us that toilets usually offer great acoustics and so lend themselves to being used as studios for the impecunious artist.) We thought we'd celebrate, in this post, the capacity of the toilet to inspire greatness! As we've had occasion to remember of late, greatness often goes hand in hand with insanity, and indeed three more or less demented friends of ours have shared pictures of themselves looking great in a toilet recently.

Let's start with Jonny! Jonny is an infamous toilet photographer, as many people recollect, to their chagrin. No-one can deny, however, that he is a cool dude and looks really good in a toilet!

Actually, Jonny doesn't usually look this cool.

Another notoriously demented friend of ours offered this glimpse of greatness. Lots of points for the stylish tiles and ever-so-cool boot!

What kind of idiot takes this kind of picture of themselves anyway?

Finally, we have this vision of fabulousness from a very dear and Very Brave Friend. Word!

Please note, this is by no means the first time
this particular toilet has acted as background to fantastic fashion.

There's no denying that the peculiar décor of toilets makes them the ideal venue for taking flattering photos. The lighting is usually purposely flattering (except on transport, as we've had occasion to complain of recently - but more on that another time), the tiles tend to show off one's figure to advantage, and one can, if one should happen to suffer from mild to life-threatening OCD, wash one's hands endlessly. You can't help but achieve greatness in a toilet!

If you are of the opinion that everyone should have access to adequate sanitation (even if you don't perhaps feel inclined to encourage people to lounge idly in toilets, taking pictures of themselves), why not spend a penny, if you have one to spare, at Oxfam Unwrapped, Water Aid or Toilet Twinning?

Related Reading
Jonny and a Public Toilet - A Treat for Single Ladies
Fair Play in Melbourne
Toilet-Twinning: Worcester Cathedral
Toilet Song: Soda Soap

A Therapeutic Picture for a Grim Day

Because the world is a cold and cruel place where people daily take the liberty of insulting one's intellect, let's have a cheerful picture of some Australian teenagers doing we really know not what. They seem to be enjoying themselves though, right? And it looks nice and warm. And the seats are old toilets, and there's a giant toilet roll. We feel better already.

Australian teenagers enjoying some invigorating conversation.
Image courtesy of Australian Friend.

Related Reading
Jolly Japes in Japan

Magic, Brilliance, Power, and Bog Roll

As stated recently, we like to believe that we have many friends and well-wishers here at the Privy Counsel (and not just our Privy Counsel Friends either, although do check out the most recent addition to our menagerie, if you haven't already). We have particular reason to be grateful to our friends at First Flight Communication in Malmö. If you ever need an ad agency full to bursting point with magic, brilliance, and power, we really can't recommend these guys enough! And not just because they have really great toilets in their office - they're also very good at what they do (though we still have no idea what that is), and ooze coolness in every direction. (But seriously, if you're gonna pick someone to market your product you might as well pick someone proffering kick-arse toilets, right?) First Flight also have a penchant for dressing up, singing out of tune, and drinking inappropriate amounts of alcohol - all things of which the Privy Counsel approves! So, three cheers and a roaring hurrah for First Flight!

Now to the point: one of our First Flight friends sent us this link. We're not entirely sure that we get the point, but on the other hand we always, always approve of toilet paper. We also find the meditative rolling back and forth of this virtual toilet roll very soothing - a most appropriate Sunday activity! Anyway, here it is:

http://www.papertoilet.com/

We are not at all convinced that First Flight will be grateful to have their very cool brand linked
to a toilet blog in this fashion. What can we say, except "tough shit"!

Post-Christmas Stupor, Part II

Oh, dear. We've got so many lovely, lovely pictures to create simply spiffing updates from, but we have been so busy grappling a bottle of gin in a hotel bar with James Bond, that we simply do not have the energy. Hence we're pulling a very cheap trick and simply posting a link to an old post! Believe us, though, it's a corker of a story! Hurrah, a Christmas mystery: Just what one needs to pass that awkward time between Christmas and New Year's, when one has started feeling guilty about eating too much but not yet found the motivation to snap into shape like a lean, teenage greyhound (to quote one of our favourite authors)! Behold:

A Christmas Mystery: The Mysterious Case of the Curse at Crapper Castle, or, Put a Lid on It, or, No Shit, Sherlock

Enjoy!

No Shit, Sherlock: a corking mystery!

Arrr, Me Mateys: A Delightful Island-Themed Bathroom

We don't know about you, but personally we feel like getting the hell away from Christmas this year. So we're off for a rendezvous with James Bond in a hotel bar! (That's the intention, anyway.) Don't worry, however - we have prepared, in advance, a fruity collection of updates for your delight and edification. In the meantime, because the world is cold and our mittens are in the wash, let us indulge in a very fruity instance of escapism. This picture comes from Australian Friend (whose bathroom, by the way, is officially more popular than naked pictures of James Purefoy, at least on this blog. We can't quite put our finger on what, but something is definitely very wrong with the world), and is called Delightful Island-Themed Bathrooms at a Southbank Café in South Melbourne! ♥.

Oooh, one thinks one is in heaven!

Related Reading

Space Waste, Part II

Since it's the weekend, let's have spot of light-hearted entertainment. Here's another delightful clip from The Big Bang Theory, relating the adventures of the infamous space toilet, as mentioned previously.

 

For a slightly longer version, including oh! so delicious academic ribbing, view this.

Weird scientists and a space toilet - what's not to love?

Related reading
Space Waste, Part I
A Semi-Intellectual Treat

Space Waste

It is always a delightful occurrence when one finds soulmates in the shape of fictional characters. We have had occasion to quote the whimsical lads in The Big Bang Theory before, and we now gleefully shoulder the yoke again. We're especially fond of Sheldon, whose narcissism and level of OCD almost match our own. At the moment, however, Howard's space-toilet construction renders him extremely popular at Privy Counsel HQ (although unlike, to pick a name at random, Intellectual Friend, Howard doesn't have a PhD). View the lighthearted space-toilet frolicking here!

We Aim to Please: Interactive Toilet Game

Do you like video games? We don't, particularly, but if you do, and you are male, you are in for a treat. A company called Captive Media has developed a urinal-based game, incorporating a "natural joystick". This allows pub-going blokes to play a game while relieving themselves. (Also they are undoubtedly, in their enfeebled, drunken state, extremely receptive to advertising, making the game popular with beer manufacturers.) What rocks our boat, however, is that the game reportedly encourages men to aim straight! Watch Captive Media's demo video here:

For a more level-headed, unbiased version, veer towards the BBC website. (Favourite quote: "You don't have to touch the plumbing.")

Instructions are easy enough for even your average beer-swilling Neanderthal to follow.
Image from Newrisingmedia.

Further reading
(Don't) Aim for the Stars
A Festive Update
Ladies, Don't Take Life Sitting Down
Potty Putter: Putting Tings into Place

Fun Facts for Mondays

Brace yourselves. In case you hadn't noticed, it's Monday. Time for the brain to emerge from the weekend fug, and sparkle and shine in the face of the grey clouds currently obscuring the sun outside the Privy Counsel headquarters. Yeah, right. Anyway, here are some fun toilet facts to cheer everyone up!

• The average person will spend three years of their life on the toilet.
• You have a 1 in 10,000 chance of being injured by a toilet.
• More toilets flush during half time of the Super Bowl than during any other time of year.
• A third of people flush their toilet while they’re still sitting on it.
• Rats can survive being flushed down toilets. On top of that, they can often return to the dwelling they were in via the same route.
• Televisions are more common in Afghanistan than toilets.
• Toilets are in tune: most toilets flush to E flat.
• The White House has thirty bathrooms. The Pentagon uses about 636 toilet paper rolls per day.
• Over $100,000 US dollars was spent to finance a study on determining whether people put their toilet rolls on the holder with its flap in front or behind. The result: 3 out of 4 individuals will have the flap in front.
• The first toilet cubicle in a row is the least occupied and therefore the cleanest as well.

(Facts from Reddiservices)

Image from The Domestic Fringe

 This little wad of amusingness is obviously from an American perspective. It is therefore our mission, now, to find toilet facts related to other countries!
Also, we have read something on the cubicle least likely to be used before, and seriously doubt whether the first one is the cleanest. This clearly requires more research. Fellow OCD sufferers, bear with us!
And, also, why the hell would you flush a rat down the toilet?

Related reading
Who Knew That Going to the Toilet Could Be So Dangerous?
Historical Toilets, Baths and Kitchens - a Useful and Humbling Lesson
Jorvik: In Rude Health
Toilet-Related Celebrities

A Festive Update

We don't know about you, but we intend to have ourselves one hell of a weekend! In order to share the hilarity we thought we'd do a festive update, which we're writing in advance, as we'll be far too busy having fun to write blog updates!

Image from Profilebrand

We've mentioned Chopper Read and his memorable mantra, Harden The Fuck Up, in the odd post before. We find it inspiring. Now, we are pleased to announce that we have managed to make a not-too tenuous celebrity toilet connection to Chopper Read! Here's a concentrated version of the Chopper Read Wikipedia entry:

"When he was still young, Read was already an accomplished street fighter and the leader of the Surrey Road gang. He began his criminal career by robbing drug dealers, based in massage parlours in the Prahran area. He later graduated to kidnapping and torturing members of the criminal underworld, often using a blowtorch or bolt cutters to remove the toes of his victims as an incentive for them to produce enough money so that Read would leave them alive.
[...] Around this time, Read had a fellow inmate cut both of his (Read's) ears off in order to be able to leave H division temporarily.
[...] Read was ambushed and stabbed by members of his own gang in a sneak attack, when they felt his plan to cripple every other inmate in the entire division and win the gang war in one fell swoop was going too far.
[...] It is alleged that Gangitano burst open the toilet cubicle door with a number of associates and began a serious assault on Read who made his escape but not before spreading his faeces into Gangitano's face."

HTFU!

For your continued delight and edification, here's a cavalcade of amusing toilet signs, which we've collected during our repeated trawls of the arse ends of the internet:

Image from Flickr

Image from 3bp

Image from Toptoilets

Image from Xaxor

Images from Raincoaster

Image from Shadygaff

Enjoy your weekend! Don't forget to HTFU!

Related reading:
A Lovely Cavalcade of Photos
Polite Notice
http://www.chopperread.com/