A Barrage of Sophistication. And a KITTEN.

We're feeling rather sophisticated this morning - we just received a tutorial on how to make Arabic coffee, and what's more, our man in Cardiff sent us this elegant and artistic picture.

Welsh Gangster Friend says:

New bar in Cardiff. Hopbunker. Fucking amazing toilets.

Beer barrels made into urinals? We couldn't agree more!

(In case you yearn for witty and sophisticated conversation, that wonderful thing sometimes called the feast of reason and the flow of soul, we may as well tell you that we responded with the words, "That's fucking amazing", to which Welsh Gangster Friend replied, in turn, "I KNOW". What can we say? This is an intellectual bog blog, and that's the level our everyday conversation is at.)

To continue today's theme, here is another sophisticated picture, which we received from Jonny the other day. That young idiot savant says,

You've got competition. 

Nothing brings a community together like the fight to save a toilet.

On further enquiry, we learn that this placard is placed in Sherburn in Elmet, a village whose inhabitants are reportedly "pretty passionate about toilets".

Finally, a greeting from Uncle Sean, who writes:

Let me introduce you to our new kitten, Savoya, who shares your keen interest in loos as demonstrated in this photo

How was this photo even taken? The mind boggles!

We rather reckon we've had enough of wit and sophistication for this morning, and intend to go back to wallowing in filth and depravity for the rest of the day. But first, a festive video.

This, dear friends, is for all the women who've had enough. (No reflection on Welsh Gangster Friend, Jonny, or Uncle Sean, who are all excellent specimens of the male sex. We believe Jonny is still single, by the way. Incredible, we know. Ladies of Leeds, what are you DOING?)

Festive video - Pistol Annies, Trailer for Rent

Related Reading
All posts featuring Welsh Gangster Friend
All posts featuring Jonny
All posts featuring Uncle Sean

On Ranting, and Wine

A good rant is like a good wine - it matures with time, and increases in strength and potency. (A rant is unlikely to make one drunk, however, making it inferior in that aspect to wine, though a combination of wine and ranting makes, in our experience, for a highly enjoyable evening.) We recently went on a rant about the insufficiency of Danish mixer taps. Let us therefore have some more ranting about Danish taps.

Look! Look how annoying this set-up is! Where is the single lever ensuring hygiene and ease of operation? one asks, shaking one's fist and squinting angrily.

This is very stylish, but is it hygienic?

After our recent visit to the excellent Hirschsprung museum in Copenhagen with our mum and our favourite aunt, we went to a charming restaurant called Zeleste, where we indulged, as far as we remember, in both wine and ranting. It was highly enjoyable, and we recommend it heartily to all and sundry.

Can't remember quite what happened here.
An interesting old-timey hatch of some kind manifested itself in the wall?

These toilet roll holders weren't covered, but the wine was so excellent we didn't care.

We ADORE black and white tiles!

We also adore this charming set-up of paper towels (though they are the environmentally-hostile bleached kind).

A charming door-handle!

In other news, a relative informs us that a nation's toilet-paper consumption can be used as an analytical tool for evaluating consumer confidence. Apparently, according to the Guardian, "the majority of toilet tissue sales in Germany during 2014 were of the economy type (the typically thinner, cheaper kind with no frills such as added softness)". We have long been enamoured with Germany and its toilet paper, and erupt into a cheerful tally-ho, Germany! (We have written several rants on the idiocy and environmental hostility of "luxury" toilet paper before - most of them are located under the Toilet Paper label on this blog.)

In more news, we received a lovely compliment from Welsh Gangster Friend, who said:
"I think of you every time I use a pub toilet." Aww.

In even more news, Obsessive Emmerdale Fan Friend sent us a message just now, saying:

An old drunk guy just gave me the finger inside Helsingborg's oldest church. 

Nice to know a middle finger works in any language!

Finally, Australian Friend sent us a greeting:

I have chanced upon a music video featuring a mixer tap!

Tally-ho!

Festive video, festively featuring a mixer tap - Huey Lewis and the News, I Want a New Drug


Related Reading
Our previous rant about the inefficacy of Danish mixer taps: The Hirschsprung Museum, or, Revising the Status of Denmark, or, Feverish Paranoia
Another post mentioning tiles: On the Tiles

Some of our classic toilet paper rants:
Toilet paper - A Pain in the Arse?
Going Soft: Yet Another Post About Toilet Paper
Toilet Paper - It's Time to HTFU!
HTFU - Wipe for Wildlife
Rocking, Rolling, Ranting

Enjoyable toilet paper trivia:
Some German Toilet Paper Trivia

Coasting Along: Saving Time and Effort by Plagiarising Our Friends. Also Some Otters.

HOLY HANDGRENADES! What a day it's been! And what a week it's going to be! We feel in urgent need of the sequel to Bogsley Hansson Friend's soothing photographic journey through Oregon, don't you?
Yeah, we thought so.

This is as much original writing as we can manage today, by the way. The rest is ripped straight from our friends' correspondence. Huzzah!

Bogsley Hansson Friend writes:

Some shots from the Oregon Coast Acquarium in Newport, Oregon.

This is as good a time as any, we think, to bring out
this infographic about sharks not necessarily being the most dangerous predators around.

OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER
OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER
OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER
OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER OTTER

People! Leave those otters alone!

We seem to remember Bogsley Hansson Friend making a snarky comment about this sign,
but we're fucked if we can remember what it was.

SEA BIRDS! OF SOME KIND!

Bogsley Hansson Friend continues:

Plus a neat pet store complete with super friendly store dog. Got these paintings there.

DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOGDOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOGDOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG DOG
etc.

At this point we would like to remind our gentle readers that Shewee Fiend Friend speaks very warmly of the Royal Tyrrell museum in Drumheller, Alberta. It is, and we quote ourselves:

"[t]he best museum ever. Shewee Fiend Friend even goes so far as to claim that this museum is the best part of Canada! Apparently, the dinosaurs are to die for, and you can confidently skip the rest of the country!"
We feel very strongly that the Royal Tyrrell museum may appeal to anyone who enjoys looking at otters and sea birds of some kind.

Oh, and also, because we tend to think of Bogsley Hansson Friend and Welsh Gangster Friend en masse, here's another reflection from Welsh Gangster Friend:

I'm currently in a pub where they don't ever shut the door to the gents' toilet so they can see into them from the bar. Lots of drugs in South Wales!

(You may remember Welsh Gangster Friend's reflections on pub toilets in Wales from the other week.)

Which brings us to another greeting, from Australian Friend, in her usual post-post-modern, savvy style:

Btw, just found this crap-related article... something for the Privy [Counsel]?

Said crap-related article is this one, about that time when Houston really had a problem. (This naturally reminds us of a) this whimsical post about space waste, and b) Uncle Sean's timely advice about blue-bagging - a term which, by the way, was previously unknown to us.)

Oh. And one last thing. Mr Smith alerted us to an article about the city of Portland, Oregon, inserting turbines into its sewers, to produce energy. Our mind finds itself in five kinds of bamboozlement.

That's it. That's all we had to say.

If we ever needed a festive video about Oregon and sloe gin fizz, it was - ye gods! - today.

Festive video - Loretta Lynn and Jack White; Portland, Oregon

Related Reading

The first part of Bogsley Hansson Friend's photographic journey through Oregon: Cannon Fodder

The post in which Shewee Fiend Friend speaks warmly of the Royal Tyrrell museum in Drumheller, Alberta, Canada: Shewees Are a Girl's Best Friend
Previous posts mentioning Loretta Lynn: Kicking Anglo-Saxon Arse: Festschrift to Shewee Fiend Friend
Previous posts mentioning Jack White: Jack White on British Plumbing: Unsubstantiated Claims

Greetings From a Welsh Gangster

As our regular readers are well aware, we have many friends at the Privy Counsel. Friends from all walks of life. Some are Welsh gangsters, some are not Welsh gangsters. Today we bring you a greeting from one of our friends who is a Welsh gangster.

Welsh Gangster Friend writes, in a pithy, straight-talking style:

Toilet door in the pub I'm in. Anti-drugs policy taken to pretty extreme levels!

The lock still works but is, says Welsh Gangster Friend, "sort of irrelevant".

Valentine's Day or not, at the Privy Counsel we are, as usual, busily engaged in academic pursuits, and also the odd political undertaking. Uncle Sean, knowing our penchant for the political, the bizarre, and the toilet-related, sent us this lovely article about the seizure, in Hong Kong, of four thousand rolls of toilet paper imprinted with the face of Leung Chun-ying, Hong Kong's pro-Beijing chief executive. It seems that the people of Hong Kong must roll with the punches if China-friendly authorities cause heads to roll. We hope Hong Kong gets the ball rolling for democracy. At the Privy Counsel we are very far from rolling on the floor laughing when contemplating the current situation.

We hasten to take the opportunity of showing off our own festive toilet roll - a family heirloom inherited from a beloved relative who had a rather rustic sense of humour. The 100-kronor banknote featuring Gustavus Adolphus was in circulation from 1965 to 1985 and was featured, as you can see, on a rather splendid joke toilet roll. Also shown in this picture is a fake dog turd. Because why not?

This fake dog turd once mysteriously appeared on granny's elaborately set table,
right when she was expecting a veritable army of tightly-permed ladies for coffee.
How we laughed!

Since we have apparently launched into an uninterrupted cavalcade of riotous mirth, let us just mention, before we part, that we saw the film Pride recently, and were much amused. It is a hoot from start to finish, and makes some very good points along the way. And it is, needless to say, set in Wales. Hurrah for Wales!

Festive video: Dominic West kicks absolute arse on the dancefloor in Pride.


Related Reading
Our first encounter with Welsh Gangster Friend: Wales Cannot Wait
We also gave zero fucks about Valentine's Day last year: Norwegian Wood
And the year before that: HTFU - Wipe for Wildlife
We're quite fond of Wales. All posts about Wales
Other shenanigans by the above-mentioned relative are mentioned in Poo Pourri - The Paranoia Reaches Epic Levels
Oh, and also, remember that gonorrhoea is multidrug-resistant.

Wales Cannot Wait

We actually have several very important things (some of which are champagne-related) to be getting on with, but it appears that Wales cannot wait. Bogsley Hansson Friend, continuing his tour de force, sent us exuberant photos from what we believe is a Wetherspoon's pub in Cardiff. The message read,

So apparently this is the greatest bathroom in Cardiff. If not all of Wales and the free world. With a couple of Welsh gangstaz - Deebo and Hev-5. Deebo's publicist (Hev-5) says if this doesn't end up on the blog "it is a travesty of justice".

No, we don't understand that, either. But, being eager to avoid travesties of justice, it seemed that the need to publish the following pictures was urgent. (Also, we're as prone to procrastination as the next man. Or most probably quite a lot more.)

Very festive baskets of flowers and bright, festive lights: a promising exterior!

Eager to have the opinion of someone whose judgement we trust, we asked a friend, who is intimately acquainted with Wales, what she thinks. The evaluation read: "When I used to go there, there was an ornate fountain in the Ladies'. Couldn't say if still there as it's been a few years, sorry!"
We love how the world is so small that one can ask a friend the opinion of a particular pub toilet in Cardifff,
where another friend has just been!

Bogsley Hansson Friend claims that this is a dance-off.

Extraordinary country, Wales, what? We haven't, regrettably, been to Wales a lot, but we do have very fond memories of an afternoon spent at Tesco's in Merthyr Tydfil. Anyway, Bogsley Hansson Friend assures us that there will be more drunken photos from Wales. We can only just contain ourselves - can you?

Let's have a festive video.

Festive video - Going up to Merthyr!

Related Reading
Bogsley Hansson Friend's last post from Wales: Capering Round Caerphillly Castle
More Wales-related alcohol consumption: Foul Play, Also Fowl Issues
On festive bus drivers: Of Mixer Taps and Spiritual Solace