Ask Not for Whom the Bog Rolls

We know, we know. We go on and on about our friends, and shamelessly steal words that they have written and post them on our toilet blog, as if that were an honour. Well, the truth is that without our various cronies, there would be no bog blog. Our comrades send us photos from all over the globe, offer us advice on moral dilemmas, and keep us amused with the stories of their fuck-ups and debacles. Many of them are also good, honest people. The other day we were pondering the lives and deeds of our various bosom buddies, and feeling very smug about what a favourable light their endeavours shine on us.

There is the friend who gets incessant promotions at work, the one who is going off to work on a reproductive rights expedition, the one who used to volunteer at Planned Parenthood, the one who campaigns tirelessly for the rights of her people, the ones who have had to flee their homeland and are pursuing their dreams in a foreign country with a new language, all the ones who are rampantly intellectual in a wide variety of fields - we could go on all day. 

It is our ambition, however, not to bore our readers to death, and so we content ourselves with saying that we hugely enjoy basking in this nuclear-meltdown-strength reflected glory. Keep up the good work, everyone!

We also enjoy receiving messages and photos from all the various chums who make up the Privy Counsel Collective. Indeed, there has recently been, to borrow a plumbing metaphor, a veritable flood of communications, and we have acquired more toilet photos than we know what to safely do with. Since our archive is prone to becoming crammed, unnavigable and downright dangerous, our legal advisory team has instructed us to get a few of the recent ones published before they, too, disappear into the vast cavern that is the Privy Counsel Archive.

Lo, a contribution from Bogsley Hansson Friend:

We've said it before and we'll say it again: HUNKA-HUNKA!

Read more amusing toilet signs here.

Bogsley Hansson Friend says, on our asking (needlessly, you might think), whether the photos are from a toilet: 

[The Elvis picture is] near by. All in a restaurant had lunch at in Cannon beach [read all about it here]. Where sent the previous pics from. The sign was in the actual toilet though.

Bogsley Hansson Friend has rather a talent for having lunch in interesting places, and finding fascinating toilets. (He is also hugely well-read and very generous, but his flair for toilet photography is what mostly benefits our regular readers.)

This delightful trawl through our personal correspondence does not end there! Behold, an almost painfully intellectual epistle from Uncle Sean:

We were recently in Key West, where, in a span of 10 years Ernest Hemingway wrote 70% of his literary output. His output of a different sort would have occurred here in his studio's loo.

*tries to think of Hemingway-related pun, fails*
If you enjoy celebrity toilets, have a gander at our  Celebrity Toilets label.
Or check out Johann Sebastian Bach's bog!

Uncle Sean continues: 

This one is from Seattle in a now defunct hotel in Chinatown (now an exhibit in the Wing Luke Museum) where over 100 years ago there was one loo per floor - crammed in the closet like a metaphor for the Chinese-American experience in the U.S. during the long lasting and racist era leading up to and spanning the Chinese Exclusion Act.

See what we mean about the rampant intellectualism and learning of our friends?

According to the internet, Hemingway "once took a urinal home from his favorite bar and moved it into his home, arguing that he had 'pissed away' so much of his money into the urinal that he owned it".

On that inspiring note, let's acknowledge the fact that we've been busy as fuck lately by eating anti-social amounts of garlic, and fantasising about going on a Thelma and Louise-style road-trip to the south of France, by no means excluding the possibility of involving Richard Armitage in our doom-filled quest for freedom.

Today's festive video is a contribution from Norwegian Friend. It's from the very first Norwegian TV broadcast ever, in 1960, and is possibly the most festive thing we have ever seen! You're welcome.

Festive video - Nora Brockstedt and Deep River Boys, Voi Voi


Related Reading
All posts featuring Bogsley Hansson Friend
All posts featuring Uncle Sean
All posts featuring celebrity toilets

World Toilet Day 2013: Hurrah for Toilets, Even Crap Ones!

Dear friends, it is World Toilet Day again! Last year we marvelled at Australian water-improving technology, the year before that we contemplated the dire consequences of not having somewhere safe to do one's business, and the year before that, we partied hard and sent a greeting to somebody called Declan. We have also, over the years, highlighted the good work done by charities like Toilet Twinning and Oxfam, to bring safe water and sanitation to people who lack such basics (that would be 40 % of the world's population according to Water Aid).

This year's theme is "Appreciating your toilet". Even if you have to share it with people who never change the toilet roll, even if the flush handle is really, really stupid and nearly impossible to pull without breaking your wrist, even if there is no mixer tap for washing your hands! If you have a toilet, count yourself lucky!

To help illustrate this theme, let's look at this stupendously lovely letter we received from Norwegian Friend:

Dear [Privy Counsellor],
I hope you are well.
I thought I would tell you about one on my bog experiences from when I was in Thailand this spring.
I am sure that [Semi-Intellectual Friend]* must have sent you some photos from strange loos around the place, but I don’t think he told you about the bathrooms we had in Koh Tao. Koh Tao is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. The island is in the middle of the Gulf of Thailand, he sea is cyan blue, massive boulders of black volcanic rock stand out against the white sandy beaches along the coast and the sunsets are amazing. On this little paradisal island there is a little resort called Saithong Resort. Their promotion picture is this:

This is a totally accurate photo of the beach and the bungalows they rent out, however this is what they don’t show you:

This is the bathroom of my little bungalow in Koh Tao. It has clearly never been washed…ever! 

Luckily I had brought along loads of disinfectant wipes which I used frequently. Disinfectant wipes did not keep away the ants and geckoes though.

The sink fell down one morning when I was brushing my teeth and during the day there was no cold water. There was no soap or towels provided and people could hear and possibly see me when I was showering.

Although the bungalows were pretty shit (mainly because everything was broken) the place was fantastic, and here is a picture taken from my window to show you why:

And so, dear friends, let us conclude that having a toilet at all is, in the greater scheme of things, a massive stroke of good fortune, for which we should be thanking our lucky stars. Appreciate your toilet!

Let us take a moment to remember John Snow (yes, that really was his name).

Finally, let's have a festive Toilet Song!

*Funnily enough we actually haven't heard a single toilet-related peep from Semi-Intellectual Friend. No doubt he has many other important things on his semi-intellectual mind.

Related Reading

Why Today Is a Toiletally Important Day

World Toilet Day 2011: Taking Our Baths and Our Women

It Finally Happened: World Toilet Day

A Morally Improving Story for World Toilet Day

Seriously Brilliant Christmas Gift Ideas from Oxfam: The Privy Counsel Helpfully Sort Out Christmas

If you have a penny to spare to help people spend a penny safely, please consider donating to:

Water Aid

Oxfam

Toilet Twinning
Gates Foundation

The Computer Says No But Everyone Else Agrees on This Being an Excellent Toilet

We are delighted to report that Norwegian Friend has been on a bit of a bender and entered a den of iniquity (i.e. went to the pub), coming across these dirty pictures in the process! This is, we are happy to say, not our first report on naughty toilet decorations, Intellectual Friend having encountered some in Poland on a previous occasion. Just as on that occasion, by the way, the computer says no to the snazzy camera phone which recorded these images for posterity, with the result that they have ended up, so to speak, arse upwards. However, let us not dwell on the technical vexments peculiar to the modern age, but instead hear what Norwegian Friend has to say:

Anyway, I’ll cut to the chase and give you these wonderful pictures from the men’s loo at the Cock and Bull in Aberdeenshire (http://www.thecockandbull.co.uk/). This is a very nice place where one goes to celebrate something special, the food is amazing, the staff is attentive and it is a great atmosphere there (but one has to pay through the nose for the experience). I was there with my family celebrating my graduation before Christmas and my brother mentioned that the men’s loo was full of half-naked women. These were not real women of course but crude paintings that decorated the walls and doors of the lavatory. I thought it hilarious and I thought it might interest you. However, I thought it incredibly unfair that there were no half-naked men painted on the walls in the women’s bathroom.

There was a picture of an actual toilet as well, making the whole reportage slightly less spurious,
but the computer said no and refused to upload it, no doubt for good reason.

Is the naked lady supposed to distract one from the non-integrated taps?

Imagine how exciting it would have been if the naked women had been real instead of mere pictures!
They could have handed out eco-friendly paper towels, for instance.

We congratulate Norwegian Friend on her recent academic honours and subsequent graduation, thank her brother for his efforts as photographer, and agree, especially in light of yesterday's bid for gender equality, that it is a disgrace and an outrage that there are no corresponding pictures of naked gentlemen in the ladies' loo!

Related Reading
Dirty Toilets and Dirtier Minds - A Nautical Theme

To view the naked ladies in the flesh, as it were, promptly haul ass to:

The Cock & Bull Restaurant
Ellon Road, Balmedie,
Aberdeenshire, AB23 8XY
http://www.thecockandbull.co.uk/

Ladies, Don't Take Life Sitting Down

Happy news today! In addition to having found its spiritual home, as reported yesterday, the Privy Counsel has found a soul mate! The Norwegian site kk.no is at least as paranoid as we are when it comes to bacteria, if not more! We find this immensely encouraging and vow to redouble our efforts to develop the worst case of OCD since the dawn of psychoanalysis.
 However, that's not the main news. Norwegian Friend sent us a link describing this nifty gadget. Regular readers may recall our update about the Shewee, saviour of needy women everywhere, but especially in cold places with a biting wind. The Gogirl contraption, however, is made of flexible silicone with a splash guard, which makes us think that it's easier and more comfortable to use than the Shewee. On the other hand, the Shewee is made from polypropylene, which is recyclable and therefore potentially environmentally friendly, which we like.

The Gogirl female urination device. Image from Cleanseat UK

  The Gogirl, unlike the Shewee, does not appear to be machine washable. It is, however, washable with soap and water and can withstand boiling water.
Our friend at the Roman Bath Museum claims to have invented a similar contraption with "accordion plastic attachments [and] calligraphy heads for fancy snow writing, too". However, laments Roman Bath Friend, "No one wanted it. [...] I don't understand women, clearly". We sympathise.

Anyone who's used this gadget, with or without an accordion attachment for snow writing, please feel free to share your experience. Leave a comment or email us at theprivycounsellor@gmail.com.

Related Reading:
Toilet etiquette for ladies (in Norwegian)
SISTERS STANDING UP FOR THEMSELVES
Far From the Madding Crowd: A Walker's Dilemma
Roman Bath Museum - Crap on a Stick

Tømmermænd at Café Jorden, or, Sleepless in Aarhus, or, Fear and Loathing in Jutland

Since we happened to mention old-fashioned French taps the other day, we thought we might follow up with more of the same. We spent an entertaining weekend in the charming Danish town of Aarhus recently, with various mad-as-spanners academics of our acquaintance (among others, Danish Friend, Intellectual Friend, Norwegian Friend, Quasi-Intellectual Friend, and Semi-Intellectual Friend). In all honesty, we were hungover most of the time, and completely failed to do or see anything noteworthy. But it was worth the tømmermænd: in our opinion there is nothing more amusing than watching academics get drunk and sexually harass each other!
Be that as it may, we spent a fair part of Saturday afternoon at a place called Café Jorden, consuming beer and nachos at a leisurely pace, in order not to upset our aggrieved stomach lining more than necessary. Café Jorden is situated in a most picturesque location on Badstuegade, and offers beer, nachos, and perfectly decent toilets.

We happened not to throw up in this particular toilet,
but it was clean enough to indulge, should the urge come upon one

Unfortunately only cold water is available, but we were too hungover to care, and anyway,
this tap is decorative enough for the sin to be forgiven

We thought this was rather lovely, in a fin-de-siècle France kind of way

Café Jorden exterior, complete with rude statue of Apollo or similar. Image from Aarhus Guide.

We're not bothering with points anymore. Instead, for those requiring intellectual stimulus, we highly recommend the kamelåså video for an accurate and up-to-date description of the Danish language.




Related Reading
Waltzing Around Amalienborg
Sing If You're Glad to Be a Dane
Blogging Something Rotten
Cowering in Copenhagen

Café Jorden
Badstuegade 3
Aarhus
Midtjylland 8000
Denmark
No website; check it out on Google Plus

Norwegian/Scottish Fabulousness

As you may or may not know, it was Norway's independence day last week, 17 May. Norwegians have a long history of going loco bananas on this day, to celebrate finally shedding the shackles of that evil colonial power, Sweden.  Norwegian Friend and Semi-Intellectual Friend happened to be partaking of the hilarity in an establishment called Kippie Lodge, outside of Aberdeen. And, lo and behold, the toilets were absolutely amazing!

Here's what Norwegian Friend has to say on the subject:

So I am really writing as a suggestion from our mutual friend [Semi-Intellectual Friend].
   We were at an establishment called Kippie Lodge outside of Aberdeen on Thursday, as you might know it was 17. Mai and [Semi-Intellectual Friend] came with me to celebrate the Independence Day with some other Norwegian students. [Semi-Intellectual Friend] then suggested that I should take some photos of the bathroom for you. So here it is.
   Unbleached paper, everything was very clean, neat and tidy and it smelled like lavender... So all good really...   No paper towels though, but a hand dryer that seemed fine to me but [Semi-Intellectual Friend] said that it was quote: ‘an amazing hand-dryer’. I had no idea that [Semi-Intellectual Friend] was so passionate about hand dryers...
   There was an electric bin in the cubicles... have no idea what the point of that is, I guess it’s supposed to be more hygienic, but it kinda defeats the purpose when one is on the loo, which involves a certain wiping technique.
   There was a changing table for the little ones in the ladies', but not in the guys' bathroom... I think that’s a very Scandinavian thing though that we sometimes have changing tables in the guys' bathroom too.
It was a good day, and I think [Semi-Intellectual Friend] enjoyed it too (there was food and cakes).

Looks right lovely, doesn't it?

Look how many mixer-taps there are!!!

A Privy Counsel-approved air-dryer!!!
(Read more here: Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Toilet Roll Holders (But Were Afraid to Ask))

For instructions, look no further

As far as we can tell, these toilets get about a million points!

Many thanks to Norwegian Friend and Semi-Intellectual Friend!


Aberdeen Petroleum Club
Kippie Lodge
North Deeside Road
Milltimber
Aberdeen, AB13 0AB

http://www.kippielodge.co.uk/