Friday, 30 December 2011

Gone with the Wind - A Gastric Drama

 It's been rather windy round Privy Counsel HQ lately, so we thought we'd bring you a related Toilet Tale!

Scarlett O'Hara had an absolutely tiny waist. She lived at Tara, in Georgia. She was the most beautiful girl in the county, and she never failed to give the boys the opportunity to tell her so.
Unfortunately, Mammy insisted on lacing her corset so tightly that she could harldy eat anything
at barbeques, for fear of a stomach-upset. Scarlett found this very annoying.

Scarlett loved Ashley Wilkes, and he in his turn loved her. Unfortunately, however, he was engaged to his cousin Melanie. Melanie had the complexion of a dishrag and wore unfashionable bonnets. How Scarlett loathed her!

Scarlett was so annoyed at Ashley's engagement that she threw a china ornament at the wall.
This greatly amused Rhett Butler, who was hiding behind the sofa!
(He had been resting after the big barbeque, as the cigars he smoked had given him a stomach ulcer.)

The Civil War arrived. Scarlett married Charles, Melanie's brother, just to annoy Ashley.
This amused Rhett and delighted Melanie. The cow!

As luck would have it, Charles died almost immediately, leaving Scarlett a widow.
Annoyingly, however, she wasn't allowed to dance at the bazaar ball.
Rhett Butler found this amusing and promptly made her stand up, shocking all of Atlanta.

When the war ended, Tara was ruined and everyone was poor. Scarlett found this annoying, and vowed never to be poor or hungry again! As a temporary solution, she married her sister Suellen's beau Frank Kennedy,
despite his ginger whiskers. This greatly annoyed Suellen, but amused Rhett.

Finally, Frank died, and Scarlett married Rhett. Everything was hunky-dory until a series of tragic events led to a rift.
Scarlett realised that she had never loved anybody but Rhett. But it was too late! He was gone - gone with the wind. Never mind, thought Scarlett, there will always be Tara.
I can really get to work on the plumbing now, and get those mixer-taps put in.
A persistent rumour claims that Rhett only popped out for some antacids and then came straight back -
he did, after all, have some serious gastric problems.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...