Friday, 6 January 2012

Lady Chatterley's Lover - A Draining Romance

 A very dear friend of ours has been gagging for a Toilet Tales version of Lady Chatterley's Lover for some time now. Voilà!

The young Constance Reid marries Clifford, Lord Chatterley, in a lavish ceremony, and goes to live with him at Wragby Hall. Unfortunately Lord Chatterley is packed off to the war shortly thereafter, and returns crippled and impotent.

Lord Chatterley is, no doubt for good reason, obsessed with miners.

After becoming a writer, Lord Chatterley surrounds himself with intellectuals.
His wife finds them boring and pretentious. Her existence becomes ever more draining.
Luckily, she soon finds recreation and amusement in the arms of Mellors, the gamekeeper.

Lady Chatterley goes on holiday.
During her absence, Mellors' wife returns, causing a scandal with her ill-natured remarks.
The gossip-mongers have a field day.

Lady Chatterley comes back, announcing that she is pregnant with Mellors' child. Her husband, being a morally rigid Edwardian, refuses to give her a divorce. The gossip-mongers have a giant tea-party,
with cucumber sandwiches, scones, and sponge-cake.

Mellors is fired and goes to live on a farm. Lady Chatterley moves in with her sister to await her confinement.
We assume that they meet again, and live happily ever after.

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