One likes to think that, as one grows in age and maturity, one learns how to handle life's inevitable problems and conundrums in a sensible, productive manner. The problem is that, when one sobers up after an evening of sensible productivity, the shit that life has thrown at one is still there, sticking to one with malicious tenacity. Take one thing, for instance, that is prone to following us around to the point where we are considering applying for a restraining order - grammar.
It turns out that the normal elements of it aren't enough - people have been sitting around deliberately inventing additional grammar. For absolutely no purpose whatsoever, as far as we can deduce, other than torturing people with bilge!
We have been informed, for example, that there is something called "aspect". Having never encountered this diabolical invention before, we were both confused and horrified, and asked Shewee Fiend Friend for her opinion on the dreary business. Our superbly cerebral friend gave us a piece of wisdom which impressed us with its brilliant simplicity, and which we would hereby like to share with our readers (you're most welcome):
However, pieces of wisdom will only get you so far when it comes to negotiating the skerries and rocks which the universe amuses itself with placing in one's way. Sometimes, the only goddamn thing that helps is a good mixer tap. How lucky, then, that Tudor Friend had just such a thing up her sleeve! Tudor Friend wrote to us in our need, in her inimitable way, oozing kindness while somehow simultaneously dripping with sarcasm:
All this is particularly pertinent because, the other day, we received some advice from a 95-year-old granny of whom we are particularly fond. She said, "Take care of your friends".
Pretty astute, hey, even for us? It doesn't end there: we have a festive video with which to delight you as well. Because where would we all be without festive videos? Well exactly - up shit creek, that's where. Tudor Friend sent us this video ages ago but we were very busy having a prolonged nervous breakdown at the time, and never got around to viewing it. Better late than never - here, for your viewing pleasure, is a CNN video about a science museum in Tokyo doing a super-festive toilet exhibition!
It turns out that the normal elements of it aren't enough - people have been sitting around deliberately inventing additional grammar. For absolutely no purpose whatsoever, as far as we can deduce, other than torturing people with bilge!
We have been informed, for example, that there is something called "aspect". Having never encountered this diabolical invention before, we were both confused and horrified, and asked Shewee Fiend Friend for her opinion on the dreary business. Our superbly cerebral friend gave us a piece of wisdom which impressed us with its brilliant simplicity, and which we would hereby like to share with our readers (you're most welcome):
I started learning Greek a few years ago. What is this "aspect" thing? why does it exist? I wondered. And then I quit learning Greek.
I hereby send you The Prettiest Mixer Tap in Great Britain. It sounds like you could use something shiny and hope-giving.
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| Behold! The prettiest mixer-tap in Great Britain! Its legendary healing powers are in no way exaggerated! |
Pretty astute, hey, even for us? It doesn't end there: we have a festive video with which to delight you as well. Because where would we all be without festive videos? Well exactly - up shit creek, that's where. Tudor Friend sent us this video ages ago but we were very busy having a prolonged nervous breakdown at the time, and never got around to viewing it. Better late than never - here, for your viewing pleasure, is a CNN video about a science museum in Tokyo doing a super-festive toilet exhibition!
Related Reading
Café Treff: The Best Toilet in England
Some of our favourite rants about taps:
A Note on Desperate Measures
Les Conduites Dangereuses: For Once It's Not Just Us Ranting
Are You British? Does Tap Sanity Elude You?
Tap Into Pain
Terminator Toilet
Some soothing tap-related loveliness from Tudor Friend:
We Receive a Postcard
Taps, Wine, and Elvis!
Some other random legendary healing powers
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