Sunday, 24 December 2017

"God Jul" from Gothenburg!

Bah, humbug! Remember when we despaired over 2016? When did Nazis stop being a bad thing? we railed. What happened to giving jobs to people with actual qualifications and certifiable sanity? we raged. And not letting raging misogynists who believe that slavery constitutes a reasonable base for a country's economy hold political office? we ranted.

Turns out the shit just kept getting thicker. Basically, we never stopped railing, raging and ranting during all of 2017. Now here we are, it's Christmas, and we are fucking knackered.

Most likely we are all heading to hell in a handcrafted hipster handcart. However, we have become firm believers, at the Privy Counsel, of enjoying the fuck out of life while we still have the chance. Hence we drink all the champagne, whisky and rum (and also beer, and we have never yet turned down a glass of wine) we can lay our hands on, and if we are sometimes hungover at inconvenient moments, well, there is a reason a benevolent deity invented plastic bags, and that is to give humanity something to throw up in on commuter trains.

We had reason to go to Gothenburg recently, to engage in rampantly feminist activities. While there we made a detour to the fancy department store NK, to buy a small Christmas gift for a festive relative. We naturally took the opportunity, while at it, of trying the toilets. Alors!

The floor isn't as clean as it could be, considering we paid 10 kronor to use this bog.

Our correspondent pondering the perfectly adequate mixer tap, and lamenting the bleached paper towels.

The door had a sturdy lock and went all the way down to the floor! Huzzah!

A very decent coat hook, here supporting a fancy shopping bag.

Some kind of modern art adorns this acceptable department store bog, featuring a sturdy toilet-roll holder.

After indulging in this rampant bit of capitalism, we swiftly headed to Kvinnsam, the Swedish national collection of feminist literature, housed at the University of Gothenburg. Lo and behold, but the toilets there were lovely! And free to use! The older we get, the firmer our conviction becomes that you cannot beat university libraries!

Ho, ho, ho! This toilet is resplendent in a Christmassy green mosaic, and has a very friendly and hygienic atmosphere. Does this benevolent bog, by the way, remind us of anything? By Jove, it does! It reminds us of Shewee Fiend Friend's Festschrift bog, at Lund Univeristy's social sciences faculty library!

We have not a simple complaint! Hurrah!

 As regular readers are only too aware, we frequently grapple with ethical dilemmas here at the Privy Counsel. We were just settling into our third rum last night when an old friend sent us a picture of the below contraption, with a philosophical query regarding its suitability for toddlers. We were initially inclined to not be too worried about the moral suitability of urinating into the mouth of an anthropomorphic frog, but as our friend pointed out, what if pissing into a frog aged two leads to pissing into one of those despicable urinals in the shape of a female mouth aged twenty?
Aaaargh! Clearly these things need to be banned! If you have unwisely engaged in reproduction lately, kindly desist from toilet-training your offspring using objects that look like people, lest they become rampant sexists. (Nota bene, the radical notion that women are people is becoming ever more popular.)


We take this opportunity of reminding you that, if you want the chance to win a signed photo of that ragingly attractive young whippersnapper known to friends and admirers as Jonny, all you have to do is send us a picture of toilet graffiti before New Year's!

"I said merry Christmas, baby
Sure did treat me nice"

A final Christmas greeting from Shewee Fiend Friend:

"Look at these luxurious coat hooks in JFK airport. Everything else here sucks though. Except for Santa. He keeps appearing, riding one of those old people transporters and jingling his sleigh bells calling Merry Christmas."

 Readers, we are going to abandon you now, to enjoy whatever debauchery you intend to get up to this Christmas! Let us end this rather boozy bog blog post by introducing today's Festive Video.

Here's how we are spending Christmas this year: reclining on a chaise-longue, doing nothing more strenuous than breathing, and sipping tasty alcoholic beverages.

We have a massive problem with many Christmas songs. Even if you discount the rampantly sexist ones, there are still the smarmily religious ones, and then there is Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. We have no idea why not more people react to the upsetting story about the reindeer suffering blatant workplace discrimination without his employer lifting a finger to help him. It is mere chance that moves Rudolph higher up the social hierarchy, relieving him of very serious bullying. We will never accept this! However, here is a Christmas song we hope you will like. We like to think that it reflects the unbridled intellectualism and festiveness of Shewee Fiend Friend's recent Hawaiian adventure!

Festive Video: Kacey Musgraves, Mele Kalikimaka

Merry Christmas! Or, as we have learned to say from some festive people we have the pleasure of knowing, jul mubarak!

Related Reading
All posts featuring Christmas

Another festive feminist toilet, featuring green tiles: In a Pretty Pickle

In relation to Christmas: Read all about the Virgin (seriously? You're still going on about that?) Mary here:
Read It And Weep: Why the Virgin Mary Is Creepy

Despairing over 2016:
2016 in Summary: Holding on to Hope, or, We're Really Cunting Angry, or, Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

A post featuring another plush Swedish shopping centre, but in Stockholm:
Mood Stockholm: Flabbergasting Plushness

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