The Privy Counsel (A Bog Blog): Toilet Song: Plexiglass Toilet

Sunday, 16 September 2012

Toilet Song: Plexiglass Toilet

At the risk of being vulgar, we're giving you another Toilet Song today. It is perhaps not to everyone's taste, but we thought it was hilarious. It offers good advice, too, and not just in a metaphorical way!

Styx - Plexiglass Toilet

Written by John Curulewski
Lead vocals by John Curulewski

Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

A boy of 5 stands close to the toilet
Holds the lid up with one hand
Won't let go the lid for fear that
On his banana it will land
Don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

Boy goes up he eats the enchilada
With the sauce that burns the heart
Family comes to visit family
Momma says don't belch and fart

Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

Everybody Sing!

Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

Don't sit on the Plexiglass toilet
Said the momma to her son
Wipe the butt clean with the paper
Make it nice for everyone
But don't sit down on the Plexiglass toilet yeah

Transparent toilet. Image from Sculpture Centre.

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THE PRIVY COUNSEL - THE INTELLECTUAL TOILET BLOG

PLUMBING THE DEPTHS
The Privy Counsel is an international community of intellectuals, giving counsel, advice and information on toilet-related topics. Why toilets? we hear you ask. Because toilets matter! Ever been to a great restaurant, café or pub only to have the experience tarnished by a less-than-lovely toilet? If you have ever been annoyed by a bad bog, this blog is for you!

Other things we love are history, especially medical history, and especially anything to do with syphilis. And rum. And some good, rampant feminism.

Our simple sense of humour belies our actual academic credentials.

CONTACT
For companionship and solace, like our Facebook page! We also spread our wit and intellectualism around on Twitter a fair amount, so do follow us there. (Although frankly we think that, instead of frittering your time away on social media sites, you'd be more productively occupied taking pictures of toilets and sending them to us.)

You can also e-mail us at theprivycounsellor [at] gmail.com.

REGULAR FEATURES
Toilet Tales
Our marvellous mysteries, wholesome whodunnits and thrilling tales are taking the world by storm! Such classics as Jane Eyre; Sherlock Holmes; Robin Hood; Gone with the Wind; Dracula;Lady Chatterley's Lover; Alien vs. Predator; The Terminator; A Rootin', Tootin' Toilet Tale, and many more, are now available in Toilet Tale form! Got a request? Leave a comment or e-mail us! theprivycounsellor [at] gmail.com

Privy Counsel Pin-Ups
What in the name of arse are Privy Counsel Pin-Ups? you may wonder. And wonder rightly. Put simply, it's a picture of a celebrity in the bath. Any celebrity, any bath. We're not picky.

The Privy Counsel Pin-Ups now come with up to 50 % more gender equality! (And considerably lower levels of creepiness.)

Toilet Songs
Be Bowled Over by the Splashing Sensation That's Rocking the Nation!
Our unique collection of songs with toilet-related lyrics is bound to get you moving!

FRIENDS

We have a frankly mindboggling amount of Friends, who are our eyes and ears (and, in some cases, noses) and keep us updated on interesting toilet-related things happening around the world. You can locate our friends in "There's Reason to Our Madness" (a.k.a. "labels") below. For instance, there's Australian Friend, Enlightened Friend, Semi-Intellectual Friend, Tudor Friend, Medievalist (with a Side Interest in Roman Archaeology) Friend, etc. Oh, and Jonny counts as a friend for administrative reasons.

OTHER DELIGHTFUL AND EDIFYING SITES

A delightful blog by two feisty females ranting about the patriarchy, while simultaneously tweeting the pick-up lines we DO want to hear.

outoflinesblog.wordpress.com

A dear friend of ours runs this excellent blog on make-up, which you, too, may enjoy if you're learned in the lore of Scandiwegian languages:
skimmerskuggan.blogspot.com

We also heartily recommend this webiste, endorsing it with a jolly slap on the back and loud, hearty laughter:
zduk.co.uk

If your intellect is rampant in the extreme and you enjoy history, archaeology and church architecture, then do check out this excellent blog, written by a very dear and very insane friend of ours:
janeheloise.wordpress.com

Our friend Maureen Helen writes a thoughtful, philosophical, and ragingly intellectual blog:
maureenhelen.com

If you're interested in RSI, or other pain conditions, or Indian food, or rickshaw wallahs, or goats, then this blog is kind of a riot:
rsirehabblog.blogspot.com

If you're fond of cats, here is a blog with many pictures of cats:
catstrophil.tumblr.com

SOMETIMES THERE IS NO REASON TO OUR MADNESS: HOW THE POINTS SYSTEM WORKS

We gave up all belief in the logic of our points system long ago. But sometimes we use it just for kicks, and when we do, the points awarded are as follows:

* Covered loo roll holder: +1
* Loo roll lying loose: -1
* Normal white loo roll: +1
* Unbleached: +2
* Quilted or coloured: -1

* Bin in stall covered: +1
*Bin not pushing unpleasantly against user: +2

* Easy-to-use flush, not requiring great mechanical strength: +1
* Water-saving: +2
* Hard to use: -1

* Toilets clean: +1
* Toilets dirty: -1

* Revolving towel: +1
* Air dryer: -1
* Hygienic air dryer: +1
* Normal towel (unless clean and displaying evidence of being frequently changed): -1

* Push lever or other easy-to-use tap: +1
* Photo-cell tap: +2
* Lack of hot water: -1
* Unpleasant, separated taps: -1

*Pleasant soap: +1
* Also handlotion: +2
* No soap: -1

*Coat hook: +1
* Coat hook sturdy enough for rucksack or other large bag: +2
* No coat hook: -1

* Possibility of opening door without touching handle on exit: +1 bonus point.

* Toilets with noise-insulating cubicles (or no cubicle): +1 bonus point.

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Toilet Song: Plexiglass Toilet

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